They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...

These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Oct 2, 2008

Pigpen Says...

So in my last post I introduced you to a guy I am here at Fort Bragg, and headed to AssCrackIstan With. PVT Pigpen. Well pigpen in addition to being a dirty little shit is also one of the funniest people I have ever met. He says some of the funniest things from time to time and he says them in such a fashion that if you aren't listening closely you would probably miss them. So much so that I have taken to writing them down.

He speaks in a very soft voice but he has a very forceful personality which by itself is amusing, but I would just like to share a few of the things he has said with you...

-Don't touch me there, you aren't my priest.

-I would like to cut out his vocal chords with a spoon.

-Do that again, and I'll stab you in the uterus.

-She can't say no if she's underwater.

-Do you ever wonder what fish would smell like if women didn't swim in the river?

-I've always said, "I'd rather be a good liver, than have one."

-If there's grass in the field, play in the mud.

-Take a plunger, stick it up your ass, and try to pick up a bowling ball.

-Daddy button (penis)

-Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

-Why would I lie to you? We're not dating!

Needless to say, when you have about 200 people in a company and about 98% are male the conversations are going to turn rather crude. Now some of that stuff was crude and if you are offended by it please read something else because it will most likely just get worse. And I don't care.

So today I managed to get stuck with guard duty all day. Guarding a locked trailer. I thought that was pretty funny because its like one of those double hasp, I would survive a nuclear blast, type locks. So I was wondering why I had to sit there and stare at the side of this trailer. But whatever, people who make a lot more money than me are making these important decisions.

Moving on...I am getting a 4 day pass coming up here soon. Another 4 days of drinking and debauchery prior to leaving for the 7th level of hell. So any donations would be greatly appreciated.

Finally a note to all my friends at 1205. I got your message the other night and I can't even tell you how much shit like that means to me. Just knowing that you all are thinking about me brings a tingle to my taint. If you don't know what that is, ask TJ. Thanks you guys.

Anyways, I'm fine, you're gonna be fine, we're all gonna be just fine...

Love you Mom...


  1. If there's grass in the field, play in the mud.

    heh heh. Glad the Army stays as politically incorrect as the else would we pass the time.

  2. The next time someone at work asks me to confirm what I am saying as truth, I think I will leverage the ... "Why would I lie to you? We're not dating!" OK - not as funny coming from a girl - but a classic none the less! Thanks! Enjoy your pass ... but be careful :)

  3. What up Danny.
    Doughboy Here
    American Legion Riders
    Post 1205

    This is some funny ass shit, why the hell do you stay in the Army?
    Some guys are gluttons for punishment.

    Love ya Bud
    Keep your Ass Down and you spirts up!