They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...

These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Oct 4, 2008

Whatever Sucks The Most...

So here is what just happened.  And this is what amazing douchebaggery goes on around in the military from time to time.  

Tomorrow is Sunday and the post commander of Fort Bragg has some goofy rule about no training before 0900 on Sundays or something like that.  But regardless the only thing that we have to do tomorrow is the roll over drills for the Humvee's.  (Which are pretty sweet, a fake humvee attached to some hydraulics and they sit you in it and then actually flip it over and you have to get out.  Fun stuff)

Well this shit isn't happening until 1800 tomorrow.  (6:00 PM)  But we still have to get up at 0600.  Well what in the hell is that?  I have to be up at the ass crack of dawn only to spend the entire day with my thumb up my ass.  

I mean really would it be too much to ask to be able to sleep until 0700?  Good God, its Sunday!  I have been training for like a month straight with not one day off and then AssCrackIstan is probably going to be a nice little 12 sojourn with no time off.  No, no there will be none of that.

Next thing...

We have answered one of the never ending questions that military life produces.  One thing that is constant, as a matter of fact the only thing in the military that is constant.  Change.  Everything changes, all the damn time.  And usually at the last minute.  Like tonight, we got attacked and our rally point was one place, and they changed it to another place...WHEN WE FUCKING GOT THERE.  Whatever...

So we answered the question.  What is going to happen next?  Soldiers ask forms of that question all the time.  What are we doing tomorrow?  What training is next?  Where are we going to eat chow today?  Are we going to have to stay here another night?

All forms of the same question.  What is going to happen next?

Answer:  WHATEVER SUCKS THE MOST!!!!  That is what is going to happen next.  Regardless of the situation, whatever sucks the most. 

I found that out for damn sure last night when we came back from the field.  Nice little 3 days of suck in the woods.  Smelling like an anchovie's asshole I wanted to jump in the shower wash the fumunda cheese off and go to sleep.  I get there and the whole shower is empty.  Not a soul in sight and I loved it.  I jumped in the shower, set myself up for a nice long shower, turned the water on, and the first drops hit my skin....and I screamed like a little girl, "Holy Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick, that's cold"  

Needless to say my manhood shriveled up like a stack of dimes.  Another example of it...Whatever sucks the most.

I am done now.  

Love you mom...

1 comment:

  1. It's funny what can "suck(s) the most" for someone. For me it was getting the window seat on the Boston to Tampa flight today. I was really cursing my Assistant as the flight was completely full with no chance for me to finagle an aisle seat. So there I was an hour into the flight staring out the window lost in a million thoughts, things that seemed so pressing and then I saw it ... NYC from 30K feet. As we approached, I could see through the puffy clouds the island of Manhattan. Truly an amazing sight - and then there IT wasn't - there was the "hole" in the skyline that was the twin Towers. You can still see where the Towers should have been. It immediately snapped me back to reality and I began to think of you and the marines I support in Afghanistan and Iraq. How they have to crap in a bag and burn it, wash their clothes in a bucket and depend on me to send them their clif bars and muscle milk. And how you've had to leave your job - but what really struck me was this: that we are truly a blessed nation to have people like you to "embrace the suck" so that we don't have any more 9/11s. So Mud Puppy, I am sorry you had to have a cold shower - but I am thankful that you are willing to do so. Take care and I hope you have a great week! And thanks for all you do!