They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...

These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Feb 28, 2009

The Day That Doc Traded His Brain For A Rip It...

Alright, so now I am going to tell you a disgusting story. So consider yourselves warned...

One day, a long time ago we were going outside the wire for something, I don’t remember what. But my buddy Wonderboy was running the truck behind me and in his truck with him was the medic. Or as we always call him, “Doc”.

So anyway, we stopped so that someone could relieve themselves and the Doc decided that he wanted a Rip It. Now a Rip It is the Army’s cheap ass, generic version of Red Bull. You know the crack in the can drink.

Wonderboy didn’t just want to give it to him, he wanted to make him work for it. So he came up with a little plan. If the Doc were willing to show me “the brain” then Wonderboy would provide him with the drink that he was craving.

Doc felt that this was a worthy trade.

Now for those of you who are ignorant of “the game” I will enlighten you. The Game, is where all these assholes around here try to, in the most creative of ways, show you their cock and/or balls. The trick of the game is to set up a situation that forces the mark to unwittingly look at said cock and/or balls. When they do, you as the winner, are obligated to mercilessly make fun of them for being homosexual and kick them in the ass twice. This game was made famous by the movie “Waiting” but has been being played in one form or another since before I joined the Army.

So I was sitting in my truck, and I heard Wonderboy over the radio telling me that Doc wanted to talk to me and he was standing outside my door. Trusting soul that I am, I opened my door to the horrific site that was our medic standing in the middle of the Afghani desert, pants down to his knees, holding his ball sack in his fist, with one nut protruding from the top of the clamp (AKA his hand). Which for anyone who has ever seen it, it really does look like a little brain, sparsely populated with pubic hairs it almost looks like a cancer patient.

So suffice it to say, Doc got his Rip It.

Suffice it to say, I got called a fag.

Suffice it to say, I got kicked in the ass...twice.

And now I am done.


I love you mom...


  1. ummm....boys will be boys?!...and I am still laughing.


  2. Oh my God...I am still LMAO. You are so freakin' funny. I have never in my life heard of such nonsense. "Show me the brain" indeed! And who by the way kicked you in the ass...twice? Whatever it takes to maintain sanity, I'm all for it. Take care Mud Puppy.

  3. I'd comment, but can't stop laughing!

  4. No doubt the expression on your face was priceless! Do you think you guys can do video of a commercial?
    Cost to play the game-*free*
    Cost of one Red Bull-$1.99
    MudPuppy Meat Gazing-PRICELESS!

    (I do hope you remain bored!)


  5. I am a very visual person, that disturbed me! eeeww!