They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...


These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Feb 28, 2009

THREE SEMI-FLACID PIECES OF PINK MEAT, AND THE ADORING EYES OF THE PRETTIEST GIRL ON THE FOB...

Alright, so it’s time for another rather disgusting installment of Pigpen & Mud Puppy are bored.

So we always seem to have a bit too much time on our hands, and as such we devise many creative ways to fill that time.

And here is what we came up with for this evening’s festivities.

I don’t know if I told you guys this or not but there is a girl here who is like the penisless version of Pigpen and I. You know she has no soul and all that. So we were presented, err we created a situation where she turned the most hilarious shade of red that I have ever seen. I am fairly certain that we destroyed any humanity she may or may not have had left.

Curious yet? Well here’s what we did.

1.Pigpen threatened to show her his cock and/or balls for the entire day.
2.We went to the chow hall.
3.We procured three hot dogs.
4.We procured a cup full of mayonnaise.

Do I have your attention yet?

5.We waited for her to go to take a shower.
6.We sent two retards to watch for her to come out of the shower.
7.We made sure that they let her see them, so that when they ran away she became apprehensive about what was about to happen. (Side note: We have to sign out to go anywhere, so she is going to have to return to our barracks to sign in after having returned from the shower.)
8.Pigpen, Wonderboy, & I placed the aforementioned hot dogs into our button flys.
9.We dipped said hot dogs into the mayonnaise, simulating...you know.
10. We stood by the sign out board and waited ever so patiently.
11. Our retards returned informing us of her eminent arrival.
12. The door opened, and in unison we all greeted her, loudly.
13. She promptly turned the shade of a ripe raspberry.
14. She covered her eyes, trying furtively, to avoid staring directly at the flaccid pink meat that was staring back at her from our trousers.
15. She left post haste.
16. Pigpen, Wonderboy, and I congratulated each other copiously and we got our peacock feathers out! We deserve medals.

And with that, I bid you a fond farewell.

Later,

I love you mom...

6 comments:

  1. seriously do you want me to send you guys some sudoku's? crossword puzzles? a kid did that to me in middle school and he got expelled for sexual harrassment!!!

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  2. you do not deserve medals, you deserve to have your heads knocked together. I thought someone was sending you lots of books!

    marian

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  3. You guys are bad! I think she needs to hang around you guys a little more as she hasn't completely lost her sense of modesty yet. If she had maybe she would have come up with a scenario more like....an arched eyebrow, a ho-hum stare, and one of the comments below:
    1. Hey, your compact's open and your lipstick is falling out.
    2. You guys looks like you could use some Viagra.
    3. Where are my scissors?
    4. Is that a hot dog in your pants or are you just happy to see me.
    5. Work what your Mama gave you.
    6. Auditions for "The Full Monty" are over.

    And so on and so on....I hope paybacks are HELL!! Take care MP

    P.S. -Does the female Pigpen have a nickname?
    Sounds like she could use some reinforcements. Maybe Hilary, Marian, and I will have to come over there and help her balance out all that testosterone. :P

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  4. I hope she gets you back big time! Hilarious though, I have to admit and give you guys credit.

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  5. Oh brother...you will have to let us know how she gets you back for this one! I want pictures!!!! (of her get-back, not your procured hot dogs!)

    ~AM

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