Gotta love the old farts...
They've always got a few nuggets of wisdom in them that can change your perspective on things pretty quick.
So I wrote my amateur diagnosis of PTSD on myself the other day, and the next morning I got up and went to class and then I went to work and I was driving home around 10:30 pm and I got a call on the space phone. Looked at the space phone (my brother's moniker for any smart phone. In my case an HTC Hero) and saw the Facebook profile photo of my buddy Tony. Yeah, these goofy ass phones now will attach your phone number to your Facebook page for ya! Pretty crazy huh?
So anyway, I pick up the phone.
-Hey Tony, what's up?
-Fuck you kid, get it done!
-I just read your blog.
-That ain't you!
-I know it, but its how I feel.
-Well fix it!
-I don't know how.
-Figure it out. Cuz this ain't you. You're back in school, which you love. You're writing again, which you love. You're working. You're doing what you need to do. Now this thing, whatever it is needs to get fixed. Now fuck you, get it done.
-Ya hear me kid?
-Yeah, I hear you Tony.
-Get it done.
-And fuck you.
-You be good kid, I'll talk to you soon.
Well, how's that for a verbal kick in the nuts? Like I said, you gotta love the old farts.
I've mentioned Tony before. He's one of the Vets that hangs out at the American Legion that I worked at while I was going through college. A good tipper, so long as you didn't piss him off. He was there when I was going through my "angry young man" phase. And he taught me the Hindu cow philosophy of life. Not his name, its mine. You know, a hindu considers a cow to be a sacred animal. So them cows in hindu land walk around without a care in the world. Hence, calm as a hindu cow. Tony's just one of those guys that is really slow to anger. Then there was me, who could go from zero to serial killer in a nano-second. But he taught me how to calm down. Taught me how to think things through a little better before I went flying into a rage.
Tony showed me how to turn testosterone into gasoline.
Best way to put it, and forgive the crassness of it is...you ever heard that joke about the old bull and the kid bull? Kid bull says, hey old timer, let's run down into that pasture and fuck one of them cows. Old bull says, "No kid, let's walk down into that pasture and fuck them all!"
Tony's the old bull.
And perhaps to the untrained ear, Tony's little scolding of me would seem a little counterproductive. But he knows me well enough that somethings don't really have to be said, and somethings are just implied. The "fuck you" was simply an attention getter. His way of saying, "Listen up Junior, because I'm about to lay some of that old time knowledge on you."
That ain't you-well that was Tony telling me that regardless of how I feel right now I need to remember who and what I really am.
The next part about school, and writing, and what not. Well Tony's not the most overtly sentimental person in the world. So I'll take that to mean that I should be concentrating on the things I love and not this other bullshit.
Fuck you, get it done.
See I like that. It appeals to the soldier in me. I'm not a big fan of all the touchy feely, give everyone a trophy, boost your self esteem bullshit out there. And apparently neither is Tony. Get it done. Is very simple, it implies a task, and a task must be completed. No dicking around, no fucking around, identify your task and complete it. It disregards everything and states the simple fact that I have some work to do.
By no means am I all better now. It just doesn't work that way. Oh, if only it did...but I've got a new frame on things and that just might make all the difference.
I've got a screwed up body...fuck you get it done.
I've got a screwed up brain...fuck you get it done.
I've got a screwed up life...fuck you get it done.
Simplistic, sure. But it doesn't lessen the truth value of it. Its absolutely true. Does it boil a lot of things down into a rather forceful sentence, yeah it does. Is that something I was in need of? Yep, without a doubt.
I've got a lot of work to do on all of these things, and I surely will not bore you with the details. But, from what I know of Tony if I don't get it done I'm going to have an army of old guys to deal with.
General Patton once said, Don't tell be how to do things. Tell them what you want done and they'll surprise you with their ingenuity.
I think that's what Tony just did. He told me what to do.
I love you Mom...