They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...

These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Jun 28, 2011

Funny Story...

So I was driving to work this morning.

As I pulled out of the driveway of my apartment building, I apparently startled a flock of birds.

At this point the entire flock of birds jumped up and flew right across the hood of my car.

Unfortunately, one of these birds misjudged his altitude.

He flew right in the open window of my car and smashed face first into the closed passenger window.

After the aforementioned avian/automobile collision, the bird laid lifeless on my passenger seat.

To which I exclaimed, "Oh fuck me, I've got a dead bird on my seat!"

At which point the bird started to move. He then jumped up to his little feet and began to look around.

First at me.

Then at the passenger window.

Then at me, then at the window, at me, at the get the idea.

I couldn't help but say to the little bird, "Ya alright?"

If I didn't know better I'd swear that the look he gave me said, "Yeah, I know I lost it there for a minute but I've got it back. Thanks."

Then he proceeded to do the tennis match look around from me to the window for a few more seconds.

Now here, I'm hearing this bird whispering in my head, "Can I get a little help here big guy? How about running that window down so I can get back to doing birdie things and you can get to that life sucking, soul killing job of yours!"

"Whoops, sorry bud. Here ya go. Let me get that for ya!"

I moved my finger from the wheel to the button for the passenger window and gave it a push. (Thank goodness for toll windows.)

A few more looks back and forth and the little birdie flew right out my passenger window.

And does it make me completely nuts that on the last look I swear I heard the little bird say, "Thanks pal, you be good now."?????


I love you Mom...

Jun 21, 2011

Dad Quits Job to Watch Son Pitch for South Carolina in the College World… -

Everyone should have a dad like this!

Dad Quits Job to Watch Son Pitch for South Carolina in the College World… -

Nothing Gets Done Until Someone Starts Moving...

Its a simple truth. Motion is life. In life, when something stops moving its dead.

Think about it. When you're sleeping, your blood is flowing, your heart is pumping, your brain is firing, your lungs are breathing. And that's about as close to immobile as people get prior to taking their dirt nap.

Now we can debate the philosophical idea of movement equals life till we're blue in the face but that's not what I'm writing this for.

I'm writing this for myself and for all my fellow brother and sister veterans who have and are dealing with the same shit that I'm dealing with.

PTSD in my case has led to a few things that are a royal pain in the ass. Listlessness, idleness, a general fear of running into any triggers which leads me to hide out in my apartment. PTSD is the catalyst for depression, and depression leads to sleeping alot, or in my case not sleeping much. But it would seem that if you didn't sleep much you would have a lot of time to get things done. Given that you've got 8 extra hours a day! But that's not the case, what happens is you spend all your time sitting on the couch watching TV and eating chips and shit. Or maybe you play video games...however in my case the video games start to wear on you because most of them are combat games. Which I don't have much interest in. For obvious reasons.

Thin and thick of it is this, and I imagine that a lot of my fellow soldiers felt this way upon returning home, after the honeymoon wears off you run into a general malaise that if left alone can come to dominate your life.

In my case it did.

Which sucks!

Now it came to dominate not only my mind, but my job, my social life, my family life, my education, my everything. 

Well that's just not going to fly.

But something as simple as can be can change your outlook on things.

Nothing will get better until you start moving. Moving against this thing that is destroying you from the inside out. Moving against everything trying to hold you back. Moving against everyone who hasn't helped, or can't help. Moving. Period.

Get up, get out, do something, do anything. Stop voluntarily wasting your life. Take up the guitar, start writing, don't worry if anyone reads it, just write it. Clean your apartment, stay off the fucking internet, confine Facebook and all that shit to an hour or two a day. Which is probably too much. Buy a bike, motorcycle or pedals, join a club, join a league, get off your fucking ass and do something.

You'd be amazed at just how much better one can feel when they've spent the day moving as opposed to hiding from the world and staring at the walls.

Regardless of the problem, PTSD, TBI, crabs, unemployment, AIDS, cancer, homelessness, debt, war, or anything...Nothing gets done until someone starts moving!


I love you Mom...

NFL lockout: why I'm rooting for no pro football this year -

An interesting counterpoint to Christian's take on the NFL Lockout.

NFL lockout: why I'm rooting for no pro football this year -

2nd Annual "Support Our Veterans" Pub Crawl

Something that if you're in the Chicagoland area you should definitely try out!

2nd Annual "Support Our Veterans" Pub Crawl

The Art of Manliness | Men’s Interests and Lifestyle

Another one that all the boys should see. And girls if you want a little insight into how our brains work, this might help. Then again, it might not...because you are in fact, Nucking Futs!

The Art of Manliness | Men’s Interests and Lifestyle


Definitely something that everyone should see...especially the guys!


Jun 17, 2011

NFL Owners Don't Care About Red People...

Welcome. I am glad you got to read this. First off, if you are one of the five people who actually read this blog, then I will be a familiar ‘character’ in some of MudPuppy’s prior posts. I am known in digital print as ‘Spray Tan,’ a name I cannot stand. I was given this horrible moniker because of my ability to tan quickly and very dark. It is in my heritage. Well, Mr. MudPuppy (who has the complexion of a bowl full of mashed up egg shells) accused me of smuggling spray bronzer into Afghanistan to maintain my tone. I think he was chewing on too much of what the locals imbibed constantly. But I digress. He and I had a very special relationship (and no, not in that DADT way…). He would insult me, and I give it right back. Still happens almost daily. Even when he is at home trying to decide which socks are clean, dirty, and which ones should be deposited in the biohazard bin at the local hospital. We still get our daily jabs in one way or another.

I don’t like to talk about politics (M-P will classify me as a Glenn Beck loving conserve-a-tron, which is not true, I am HIGHLY moderate), religion or anything of the sort. I am a big sports guy. I enjoy talking about sports.

This damn NFL lockout is really irritating me. The issue at hand is that the owners and the players cannot make an agreement on a new contract. The Owners are making record profits and are not supplementing the income of the players like they should. But whatever. I don’t care if they pay Joe Quarterback 12 million a year to sit on the bench or 1 million. I could care less. I just want them to play.

Sundays during football season are my favorite days of the week. I enjoy watching the games, doing fantasy football, and chatting about the games at work on Monday. It makes me very happy. If I can’t get away from my shitty life for one day and have a beer and watch my favorite sport, I am going to be very whiny, and you don’t want to see me whiny. So, NFL owners and players, please get your crap together and salvage this season. Otherwise my girlfriend is going to be very upset with me, and I won’t sleep well on the couch…for 16 weeks.


Looking For Contributors...

I figure that its about time that we get some opinions and words other than my own.

If you have anything you would like to say, please let me know and I'll get you registered as a contributor.

Let's hear it from the peanut gallery!


I love you Mom...

The Death of Macho |

I'm blogging this article because I'm working on something. I want to know what everyone thinks about the current state of gender politics. Sexism, Men Vs. Women that sort of thing. I'm working my way through a book called "Manning Up" and going to write about it.

Just want to take the pulse of this topic before I do. Don't worry, regardless of response...I'll do it anyway.

The Death of Macho |

Jun 15, 2011

Quote of The Day...

I can tell you with absolute sureness, though, that if you choose safety over the potential risks that come along with choosing freedom, you will never be truly fulfilled in your life. You will always think in the back of your mind that you have missed out on something “special” about life. And as you get older, not only will your willpower to turn things around weaken and eventually vanish altogether, your regret will deepen and your heart will sigh with heaviness and sorrow.

Jun 13, 2011

The Joyous Art of Insomnia...

I don't know if its particularly accurate to call insomnia an "art" but I think that over the course of that past few months if it were possible to develop something like insomnia into an art form, then I have most certainly done it!

I remember a while back when I was either on my way home from the suck or I had just gotten home I wrote a post about how the volume on life had been turned down. How not much of what qualified as problems in the states meant much of anything to me anymore.

Now insomnia has struck! Is it from the war or from PTSD? I don't know, but probably.

Insomnia, if looked at from the proper perspective can be quite funny.

I do believe that on my way home from work the other day I saw a pink deer run out in front of my car.

If I try to focus on an object for more than a few seconds my eyes start to rattle back and forth like a guitar string that has just been strummed.

My American attention span, which was limited to begin with, is even shorter now. So I'm basically in dire need of some ritalin.

However, my ability to lie still, in a bed, with my eyes closed, in a dark room, without moving is unparalleled. I can do that for upwards of four hours at a time without falling asleep.

My balance is fun to watch. I don't know if its from the lack of sleep but when I get up from a bed or a chair it usually takes me about 5-10 seconds now to actually have my balance. In the meantime I do a W.C. Fields sway and try not to fall and bust my ass.

Sleep for me is normally limited to a few restful periods (not sleeping) and perhaps an hour or two of actual sleep a night before something comes alive inside of me and will not let me sleep no matter how hard I try.

My body fought through the consumption of an entire bottle of NyQuil without falling asleep.

My body fought through 9 Tylenol PM's without falling asleep.

My body has fought through regular, average every-day living for 3 days without sleeping.

While impressive, those feats of will were not at all intentional.

Now back to what I was talking about before, the volume being turned down on life and problems in the states not mattering all that much to me. That was a nice way for things to be. You could walk up to me when I got home, smacked me in the face and pissed on my boots and...well I would've kicked your ass into the middle of next week but I would've done it with a smile on my face and I wouldn't have even gotten riled.

Nothing could faze me for those first few months home. I was truly Embracing the Suck. That's when I wrote that post about using those words as a philosophic pillar in my life. Nothing at all could get my blood pressure up. I was impervious to pretty much anything.

Then I kinda stopped sleeping.

At first it was sporadic. I wouldn't sleep for a night or two, then I'd knock off for about 14 hours and I'd be fine.

Then it got a bit worse, I'd end up awake for 3 days or so and then I'd be able to sleep for maybe 3 or 4 hours which I suppose kept me from actually having a psychotic break.

Now I'm at the stage where I don't sleep for about 4 days but I do manage to catch about an hour here and there, plus I do the whole zombie thing of laying in the bed for hours at a time, perfectly still with my eyes closed and just lie there.

This not healthy nor is it particularly fun. Not to mention the fact that I'm starting to have some Nightmare on Elm Street type micro-naps. I don't know of any other way to characterize them. I'll be sitting at my desk at work or at home or sometimes even in the fucking car and just out of no where my eyes will kinda flutter and then I go blank for a few seconds.

That's it, blank. Nothingness. I don't remember any of it. I remember hearing that if you have insomnia sooner or later your body has to shut down and rest itself. I remember them being called micro-naps on Nightmare of Elm Street. So that's what I call them.

Now its not the constant nagging exhaustion that bugs me about this. Its not the sore muscles and bones from not ever truly resting them, its not the pretty much unending dull headache that I always have. None of that really bothers me anymore. You'd be amazed at what you can actually get used to.

What is killing me about all of this is the fact that while my experiences in AssCrackIstan turned the volume down on the world. This insomnia shit is turning it right back up, and sending the decibels into the stratosphere.

In any case, I can't let the simplest things go now. Things that used to just roll off now stick in my craw for days and days. Things that used to not even register now send me into a psychotic rage. Things that might have made me slightly perturbed are now causing me to wallow in anger and hate for days, sometimes a week or more.

But I'm not here to bitch about what's happening to me. What I want to know is what can I do about this shit? Anyone got any suggestions to knock my ass out? I'd give my left nut to sleep for 6 hours straight right now!

But that's what's happening in Mud Puppy land.

We'll be moving on tomorrow.


I love you Mom...

Jun 7, 2011

Mr. Weiner's Weiner...

First and foremost I'd like to thank Anthony Weiner (D-NY) for the seemingly endless amount of entertainment he has been providing me with for the past week or so.

Funny Picture Break...

Now I thought that a story such as this, with its obvious humorous potential, and its complete and utter lack of substance (in my mind) I thought it needed to be embraced here at ETS.

Let's just recap the thin and thick of what I'm writing about here.

1. Weiner tweeted a picture of his weiner.
2. To some broad he was trying to bang.
3. He got busted.
4. Women came out of the woodwork to accuse him of sending them dirty text messages (check out the transcripts) and pictures and what not.
5. He apologized.
6. That's about it.

Now let's start with number one. You've pretty much got to be an epic weiner to tweet a picture of your weiner in the first place. (Anyone picked up on my joy at using the word "weiner")

Number 2. Do I fault the guy for trying to do the hippity dippity with some woman? Nope, not in the slightest. It seems to me that if this guy wants to galavant around town knocking down every piece of strange he can find that's fine with me. So long as its fine with the women.

Here's where this thing gets sticky for me. My opinion of #2 is contingent upon one fact. That the Weiner is question is single, unattached, NOT MARRIED.

But this Weiner is a married Weiner.

Interesting aside: According to a USA TODAY article, 30% of New Yorkers think its common for politicians to send lewd pictures of themselves over the internet! (Click here if you think I'm kidding. ARTICLE)

Now I don't know about you, but I'm not above sending a dirty picture or two to my significant other. (She doesn't mind.) Nor am I above looking at your random dirty picture on the internets. I mean c'mon, I'm a guy and a soldier to boot. I've seen a few naked women in my life.

Here's the question I have. What in the blue hell was this chump thinking? How could he not think this was going to blow up in his face?

I can only imagine how the conversation that led to the picture being posted went.

Weiner: I told you I'm a congressman!
Woman: No you're not!
Weiner: No really, I am. I'll tell you what, just think of something that only Anthony Weiner could do and I'll do it to prove I'm a congressman.
Woman: Okay, put a picture of your junk on twitter so I can see what you're working with.
Weiner: Way ahead of you, I already got the picture. I'll be posting it in a minute!

I mean really, how else could that one have gone?

Either way, if nothing else the way this whole thing has played out says a few things about good ole' Mr. Weiner. He's either a complete moron, or he is easily one of the most arrogant little shits on the face of the earth.

In any case, this is not a man who should be making laws.

Why Mud Puppy?

I'll tell ya why. Here's a guy who has been given a position of great power. A man who has the public trust.

Woops, there it was that evil word for politicians. TRUST. Now you could ask any woman on the planet whether what this Weiner did is cheating and you may even find a few who think there's nothing wrong with what he did. However, every man who reads this knows that he may not have actually physically cheated, he was well on his way. No one sends a woman a picture of his junk without the expectation that depending on her reaction to said photo, she may be willing to let you put said junk into...nevermind.

But you get what I'm saying. The problem for Mr. Weiner is that there's a Mrs. Weiner. Still can't quite figure out why she would marry him. I mean if I were a woman and I knew that my name would one day be Weiner I'd be running to find some guy named Gaylord or something. But I digress.

In any event, the trust issue still remains. He broke a bond. And with more than one woman. Not like its okay even once, but ya know you can kinda get over one indiscretion, but not a whole bunch. One indicates a lapse in judgment, a bunch of them is habitual.

Here's another point I have to make about these rich and powerful guys. I don't get why they get married. I really don't. Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, and now The Weiner. It doesn't make any sense. The fact of the matter is this, women love rich and powerful men. There's no way around it. Women throw themselves at men who have a lot of cash, and they throw themselves at men who run shit!

So I don't get it. What's the point of getting married if you're just going to use your money and power to knock down every skank that crosses your path? It just doesn't make any sense to me. If Tiger Woods or Bill Clinton or this Weiner had done what they did but done it when they were single no one would've really cared. And there would've been no reason to lie about it.

Weiner could've got up there and said, "Hey, I'm a Representative in congress. I run shit. I make a ton of money and yeah, I decided to try and get me a piece of ass! What of it?" He could've said that if he were single.

But he's not single. He's a married man. As such, in my humble opinion. If he's willing to throw his junk around when he's got Mrs. Weiner waiting for him at home and he's willing to destroy her and his family for some chick, then what does it say about us if we are willing to tolerate this kind of bullshit?

That's just my opinion, and I could be wrong.


I love you Mom...