They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...

These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Jan 24, 2012

Helping Muslims Get Laid...

Since oh, about 1991 or somewhere thereabouts.

If there ever were a public service, that's it.

I saw this picture and I couldn't help but want to write a little bit about it. Just because its one of those things that I'm going to guess would royally piss off some pinko, commie, hollywood, msnbc, uneducated (in any real sense), occupy some shit liberal off.

However, there's a lot going on in this picture. Well, truth be told I haven't a fucking clue what's going on other than I'm sure at least one of these guys is working to keep from laughing. What's going on is in the words.

Those words, if nothing else, are beautifully sarcastic. Now anyone who has read my blog for any length of time (up to and including those of you who have only read this post up Know that I am sarcastic and if there's one thing I truly appreciate its a well crafted sarcastic comment.

So, we all know that Muslims have a pretty twisted attitude about sex. And coming from an American (easily the most uptight country in the western world as it relates to sex) That's saying something. They have some really weird shit going on over there. Man love Thursdays is something I'll unfortunately never forget. Seeing some 12 year old kid walking around with little designs painted all over his hands, and seeing grown men walking around with their beards dyed red or orange. Yes this sort of shit goes on, and yes its a sign that you're ready per se. Ugh, I threw up in my mouth a little just thinking about it.

Ask any GI about how haji's feel about sex and they'll tell you something along the lines of boys are for pleasure, broads are for breeding. And that dear friends, is all you really need to know to understand that yes these people are not all.

Where does this come from? Who knows, not me that's for sure. But I'd be more than happy to venture a guess. These people live under one of the most oppressive religions the world has ever seen. Sharia law and Koranic teachings are, forgive the term, a motherfucker.

Only way I could describe their rules is this, its really easy to get yourself maimed and/or killed trying to follow Muslim rules. I know for a fact that I committed no less than 7 death by boogie boogie offenses within the past 17 minutes. And for anyone who doesn't understand the boogie boogie reference, just leave it be and suffice it to say boogie boogie will hurt your coochie coochie.

Moving on, this isn't about sex. Just so you know. Its about something else. Its about a sense of humor. And when you look at this culture you realize that you are dealing with a morality system, a religion, an entire culture that is completely and utterly devoid of a sense of humor.

So far as I'm concerned if you can't laugh at or make fun of yourself you're not worth the air and food it takes to keep you alive. But that's still functioning on a micro level. What happens when you don't have a sense of humor on a macro level?

Someone drew a picture of Mohammed with a towel shaped bomb on his noggin. And they all lost their shit and someone went to Holland and offed a Van Gogh. Someone here drew a picture of the crucifiction with human shit. (no, I won't use excrement thank you very much) Nobody killed him.

Some chick gets sick of her husbands shit so she bones the bell boy. And next thing you know she's buried up to her neck getting boulders chucked at her temple. Happens all the time here. Usually she'll end up walking off with half your shit.

Some kid decides he doesn't really want to get sodomized this weekend and next thing you know his old man slits his throat for disobiedience. If we were like this can you imagine how many dead kids would be floating around?

And a new one, some guy marries a 16 year old (He's like 35) and tries to force her into prostitution, she tells him where to stick it, and his family proceeds to torture her by ripping out her hair and fingernails. Here we would've just offered her more money. Jeez that was wrong, but you get the idea.

Ever heard of an "honor killing" you know, when some girl gets raped, these fucks think she has dishonored the family so they off her.

Yeah, I could go on and on. But the fact of the matter is we are dealing with a group of wackos who have completely lost the ability to laugh, at anything. The most miniscule of slights must be avenged.

Now, call it whatever you want. Maybe I'm being simplistic but if you take a step back and look around you will see that for the most part, a whole lot of trouble is being caused by people who take themselves too seriously.

Christian, Muslim, Jewish, fundamentalists. Oh yeah, we all know that they're a pain in the ass.

Politicians. Is there one flipping guy in this field of candidates who can consistently make people laugh? I mean on purpose, we laugh at them mostly because they act like douchebags, not because they said something clever.

Cops? We all know these guys are a pain in the balls. "You were going 3 over the limit sir." Really officer, you can go...

The Occupy and Tea party wackos? These are people who believe that anyone who does not believe as they do is an affront to God and the human race.

Moving right along. So my point being that there is no way around it. Humorless people cause a lot of trouble.

Everyone knows this, everyone knows that humorless people have a lot of pent up anger, frustration and energy. And sooner or later they act out.

Occupiers decide to turn statehouses into flophouses. Cops decide to use pepper spray on kids. Politicians just ram it up our keesters a little bit harder, and the fundos (fundamentalists) they keep waving their religion around like a riot baton...

...and Muslims, well they keep blowing shit up, hijacking planes, oppressing women, living in mud huts, chopping off heads, using acid to suppress education and a myriad of other really despicable things.

Can we change this? Who knows? A lot of these people are so far gone in this department I don't think they could ever be brought back.

All's I can say is, cultivate your sense of humor. Sharpen your sarcastic blades, and turn that sense of humor out. Direct it at others, but mostly direct it at yourself...because I really don't want you to blow yourself up!

So long as you don't blow yourselves up, we'll keep the Muslim dating service open!

Just sayin.

I love you Mom...

and we'll wrap today's rant with another photo that illustrates perfectly, and loudly, exactly what I'm talking about.


  1. I appreciate your service in helping the donkey fuckers get introduced to women. I wish more could have the pleasure...and the donkeys do, too. Thanks for the laugh, my man.

    1. That's what I'm here for. Making you laugh. What am I a clown?

  2. Thank you !!! Both of my sons returned from Afghanistan..firstborn just last week. halelujah! Both have the same opinion, that the Afghanis are crooked. Every time I post the story of another "honor" killing, some of my relatives get their panties in a wad. But, we have to keep reporting what is going on over there. the media won't. fourth woman raped in T. square in Egypt. and this one had her husband with her. we have Army families in Egypt. Time to pull them out, in my opinion. Please keep telling it like it is. Your honesty is refreshing.

    1. Thanks Joyce, tell your boys I said welcome home.

  3. Excellent rant, pretty much spot on. Keep on writing.

  4. When we were in Iraq, one of my soldiers kept calling the locals "sheep fuk-ers"
    I had to correct him several times...they were Goad Fuc-ers.

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