They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...

These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Jul 25, 2012

The Healing Power of Death Metal....

Have you ever had one of those days? One of those days where you just couldn't get out of first gear. One of those days where you were stuck in slow motion. One of those days where it was like you were walking through molasses.

Of course you have, we've all had them.

I found the cure.

Killswitch Engage

Now for those of you with no clue what the hell I'm talking about, here's a song by Killswitch:

Now we could argue about labels, I suppose there are some out there who wouldn't classify this as death metal, but you know what? This is my blog, so fuck you only my definitions matter and I say this is death metal.

Regardless of what you think of the music, that's irrelevant. What matters is that you recognize the energy. If you can listen to this music and not have your pulse quicken, then I'm going to venture a guess and say that you don't have a pulse.

So maybe it was fate, maybe karma was looking out for me, maybe some little green leprechaun who lives in my iPod decided that it was time to snap me out of the funk I had been in. And he played Killswitch Engage and I came to life.

I swear I could feel my blood pumping through my veins, I felt my plaque start flowing again. The haze of weariness lifted off of me and I got to work. Not like I solved the mystery of cold fusion or anything. I just went home, cleaned the house, cooked, cleaned my guns, did some grocery shopping,moved some furniture around, wrote a post about "Accidents of Birth", read my book, washed my ass, did some homework and went to sleep. After playing the tackling dummy for goon squad practice at work. I got more done in one afternoon/evening than I had all week up to that point.

I'm not saying all this to brag, I'm saying it because one song, one song got the engine running again. One song, took me from (forgive me for dis) zero to hero, one song brought me back to life.

It amazed me. How could it not? 4 minutes of pure musical energy pumped enough motivation into me to propel me through an entire evening. Don't get me wrong, I hit repeat a few times to give me a little shot here and there, but it worked.

So the question is this, does anybody know how music can have that kind of power over us, and what music moves you? And which way does it move you? I wanna know.

Plus, check THIS out. They are using music to heal disabled veterans. Now I freaked out mildly because I thought up the title to this post prior to finding that article, and I see they beat me to it...word for word.

I'm curious, what's on your playlist when you get in that funk? What music motivates you? What gets your plaque flowing?

Later, I love you Mom...

Jul 23, 2012

Accidents of Birth...

“Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Being Irish isn't a skill... it's a fucking genetic accident. You wouldn't say I'm proud to be 5'11"; I'm proud to have a pre-disposition for colon cancer.”

-George Carlin

You hear a lot of this shit going around today.

Black pride and/or power.
Latino pride
Irish pride
Southern Pride
Girl Power
Puerto Rican Pride
Italian pride

Yada, yada yada. Bunch of horseshit.

It's simple. You were born those things. You didn't do anything to become them. You could've just as easily been born a disabled Swahili hermaphrodite.

All of these things are accidents of birth.

So let's all take George's advice and be happy that we are those things. Don't pretend that they are some sort of perverse source of pride. Because they're not. If you have to look to things that are genetic accidents for pride then obviously you have some work to do because you haven't gotten out of the house enough.

Especially Americans. Americans believe that they live in the greatest country on earth, and you know what they're right. Here's the rub. A lot of us, myself included in many respects, didn't do a damn thing to get this country to where it is. We don't have any right to be proud of it, we have all the right in the world to be happy that we are Americans but we don't have much to be proud of. Pride comes from things you did. Now if you did things deserving of respect and worthy of being proud then God bless you. If you haven't then get off your ass and do something.

It'd be like Bill Gates' kid being proud of Microsoft, or Steve Jobs kid being proud of Apple. Sorry Junior you didn't do a damned thing to build that company. You get to enjoy the ridiculous riches that come with being the heir to a gigantic fortune amassed by the production of those companies, but you didn't do shit. Be happy that you're rich and never have to work a day in your miserable 1%er life. But don't you dare sully your father's names by being proud of something they did.

You want to be proud...then work for it.

But, George already told you, and I'm going to tell you again. Don't forget your Proverbs.

"Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

Later, I love you Mom...

Jul 20, 2012

You're What's Wrong With This World...

Stephen Hawking, Sigmund Freud, Christopher Hitchens, Charles Darwin and a couple of cats that I haven't a fucking clue who they are...

...But I do know that the drunken, spray tanned cum bucket on the right is Snookie.

So I may very well be part of what's wrong with this world. At least I'm part of the way there. 

Popularly speaking, we've lost an element of respect for those of us who actually fucking do things. Stephen Hawking has figured out a whole bunch of theoretical physics shit. Freud taught us that our mothers are the root of all evil. (Fuck him) Einstein taught us that space and time are pliable. Hitchens questioned everything and then wrote about it. And I'm sure that the remainder of the faces on that picture DID some pretty incredible things.

Whereas, Snooki got drunk in New Jersey and got punched in the face by a drunk monkey. And the world watched in rapt attention.

She makes more money than the President of the United States to do what? Not a damn thing. She lives in a house populated with a group of people (using that term loosely) who if you were to take their combined IQ's and add them up you might get the batting average of the lowly Chicago Cubs.

You've got an entire generation of drooling monkeys who worship at the altar of celebrity. Which wouldn't bother me so much if the prerequisites for entrance into the celebrity class were just a bit more selective than they are...

Cases in point:

Brittany Spears-married some chooch, shaved her head and dropped her kid. Loved by millions.
Justin Bieber-is famous for being the faggiest 10 year old kid in history. Loved by millions.
Paris Hilton-famous because she sucked off a rich guy while on a night vision camera. Loved by millions.
The Entire Cast of the Jersey Shore-lifts weights, tans and gets hammered. Not a single measurable accomplishment amongst the lot. Loved by millions.
Lindsay Lohan-famous for getting drunk and stoned. Loved by millions.
Kanye West-famous for, I dunno being black. Loved by millions.
Kim Kardashian-like Paris Hilton famous for being rich, getting nailed by a rapper, and having a fat ass. Loved by millions.
Chris Brown-famous for punching Rihanna in the face. Loved by millions.

We love our morons. I mean we're heading for 4 in a row Presidentially speaking.

Plus, apparently we don't have any standard of accomplishment when it comes to our hero worship.

Let's just take our last two Presidents as an example.

George Bush, basically had the world handed to him on a silver platter. Which he promptly spat upon and filled with booze and cocaine. He dodged out of his duty in the National Guard because daddy was a big shot with the CIA. He couldn't pull his head out of his ass long enough to not start a war. And he went to Yale because daddy got him in, got C's and still managed to lead us into the shithouse.

Barack Obama, what was he like 26 when we elected him president? A lot of people say he hadn't done anything. To which I respond, he didn't have any time, he got elected as an adolescent! He gave a speech after receiving the Nobel PEACE Prize on why we have to stay at war in Afghanistan. And so far as I can tell prior to becoming a politician his only job was "community organizer" Fuck me, I know some inmates who you could call community organizers. And he took over a shitty country, and has been remarkably successful in keeping it that way.

You always hear how the generation coming up now wants everything handed to them. No one wants to work. They want to come in the door and be making big bucks and making all the decisions. 

Well, can you fucking blame them when this is the caliber of what passes for celebrities and the elite. Rich folks. And everyone wants to be rich. Being rich is the American dream. And if you don't think it is, then you are just...well a fucking dip shit.

Well you wanna know what, where does it all come from...take it away Mr. Carlin.

Now he might have been talking about just politicians. But I think it applies across the board.

Where are all the people of conscience? Where are all the bright, upstanding folks to take us out of all this?

Same place as everyone else...the fucking mall.

Jul 8, 2012

My First Movie Review...

Fuck you thunder, you can suck my dick. You can't get me thunder, because you're just God's farts!

That's just a small sampling of the many memorable lines from "TED" a movie about Mark Wahlberg and his magic teddy bear that comes to life and grows into a 35 year old adolescent and ruins his life and then saves it all in one movie.

First thing that's great about this movie. The trailer highlights a lot of the funny parts, but it ISN'T all of them.

Second thing that's great about this movie. Its about a talking magic teddy bear that has a dirtier mouth than I fucking do! What's not to love?  I mean there's something very special about seeing a magic teddy bear nailing a hot check out girl on the produce in the back of a grocery store.

The story is the usual. Nothing new under the sun there. But the way they portray Ted is a thing of beauty, not to mention he has Seth McFarland, of Family Guy fame doing his voice.

So you've got Mark Wahlberg. Ladies love Marky Mark.

You've got Mila Kunis, who makes me feel funny in the pants.

And you've got a foul mouthed teddy bear to round it off.

So, if you've never heard a girl from Boston have an orgasm, I HIGHLY recommend you see this flick.

5 fucking stars!

A Dysfunctional Relationship With Work...

Listen, learn, then act.

Jul 5, 2012

You've Gotta Be Asleep...

But there’s a reason. There’s a reason. There’s a reason for this, there’s a reason education SUCKS, and it’s the same reason it will never, ever,  EVER be fixed.
It’s never going to get any better, don’t look for it, be happy with what you’ve got.
Because the owners, the owners of this country don't want that. I'm talking about the real owners now, the BIG owners! The Wealthy… the REAL owners! The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions.
Forget the politicians. They are irrelevant. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice! You have OWNERS! They OWN YOU. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They’ve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. They got you by the balls.
They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying,  lobbying, to get what they want.  Well, we know what they want. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but I'll tell you what they don’t want: 
They don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don’t want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that. That doesn’t help them. Thats against their interests.
Thats right. They don’t want people who are smart enough to sit around a kitchen table and think about how badly they’re getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fucking years ago. They don’t want that!
You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shitty jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and now they’re coming for your Social Security money. They want your retirement money. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? They’ll get it. They’ll get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fucking place! Its a big club, and you ain’t in it!  You, and I, are not in the big club.
By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. The table has tilted folks. The game is rigged and nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care! Good honest hard-working people; white collar, blue collar it doesn’t matter what color shirt you have on. Good honest hard-working people continue, these are people of modest means, continue to elect these rich cock suckers who don’t give a fuck about you….they don’t give a fuck about you… they don’t give a FUCK about you.
They don’t care about you at all… at all… AT ALL.  And nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care. Thats what the owners count on. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes everyday, because the owners of this country know the truth.
Its called the American Dream,because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin, he's always saying everything better than I can even write it.

Now, quit arguing over which you'd rather elect, the bowl of shit or the bag of shit and start a real conversation about politics.

Later, I love you Mom...