They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...


These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Nov 19, 2012

Lewis Black and Twinkies...

Saturday November 17, 2012. Lewis Black played the Chicago Theater downtown. I was there. In the very back row, but I was there. And he was hilarious.

A few of his thoughts to share with you today:

  1. Ohio doesn't really mean anything, Ohio is just Indiana looking at itself in the mirror.
  2. Since I've been eleven years old you can draw a line from every decision I've ever made straight to pussy.
  3. Where was Tiger Woods Conceived? A Black Thai Affair
  4. Fucking government. I mean really, with this deficit and debt its astounding. I mean really 16 trillion? Did someone forget to carry a 2 somewhere?
  5. Obamacare is a bullshit term, there is no Obamacare. It is not the care and feeding of an Obama!
  6. I currently have 1,993 channels. Exactly 1,990 more than I had as a kid, and oddly enough the same amount of shit to watch.
  7. Fuck Facebook! Its nothing more than a glorified yearbook, except we're all in the same grade.
Those were the ones that made it into my notebook while I was there. On another note, it is quite funny to see the reactions of people as they are negotiating any social situation when you whip out a little notebook and start writing. Try it. Its almost as funny as facing the rear of an elevator.

Moving on.

Its now time to say goodbye to twinkies. At least Hostess twinkies. Hostess went under. Filed for bankruptcy. What's the first thing I heard? I heard that its all the union's fault. They wanted too much money so the company went under and now we can't have twinkies.

Couple things. 

A. You'll still get twinkies. Part of that company is the recipe for twinkies. Some other rich cocksucker will buy the recipe and mass produce twinkies to sell to the ever expanding waistlines of the sheeple. So don't worry, they'll be back. Only difference is they'll probably say "Made In Bangledesh" on them.

Second thing. Let's talk about this blaming the union thing.

First of all, there was never any mention of executives or senior managers taking pay cuts. Only union bakers and employees. To be fair, a few executives took pay at $1 per year. Right until the company had enough cash to pay them. Now why didn't they keep doing that when the ship was going under?

Hostess requested permission from the bankruptcy court to pay 1.75 million in bonuses to senior managers in the liquidation. FUCKING WHAT?????

These parasites have the nerve to ask to give bonuses when they are pitching 18,500 employees out on their asses? Oh yeah, they've got the balls. Now could someone please kick them in them.

Plus, some of the executives received raises of up to 80% while the company was struggling.

You can argue all you like. The fact is executives, on average, make about 231 times what the worker bees make. Now that my friends, is a travesty.

Close the company, give ourselves raises while the ship is sinking, and right before the whole fucking thing goes under we're going to flip the loyal destroyers another 1.75 million as a parting gift. Workers? What about them? Fuck them, they'll be there for me to tread on when I demolish and loot the next company.

I wonder how many salaries that 1.75 million could've paid?
I wonder how many salaries those 80% raises could've paid?

Maybe someday, people will realize that this company collapsed under the weight of executive salaries and executive missteps. Not union wages.

Hopefully...

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