tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82558893634852252112024-02-10T02:22:13.706-06:00EMBRACE THE SUCK...a sardonic expression prevalent during the period of the GULF WARs and the Global War on Terror (GWOT) that's used to cope with a bad situation or to deal with difficult circumstances ("It sucks!", "That sucks!"); also expressed as "love the suck" and SUCK IT UP, this expression represents a willingness to accept a challenge, a love of adversity, a commitment to DUTY by honorable servicemembers. Compare WETSU, HOOAH, OORAH, GUNG-HO, FIDO, A FINE AND PLEASANT MISERY. Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.comBlogger459125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-66743743614431934092020-11-22T16:22:00.003-06:002020-11-22T16:22:46.245-06:00The 24 Inch Gauge...<p> Like I said in my last post, I joined a lodge of Freemasons. Immediately upon starting the process you start to learn things. A lot of different things. A lot of esoteric things. But a lot of the things make perfect sense once you have them explained to you and sit down and think about it for a few minutes. Which I am starting to believe is one of the main goals of masonry. Getting you to actually think deeply about things, as opposed to just doing the bare minimum of thought which is so common today. Really get into things and pick them apart with your intellect.</p><p>So one of the first things we learned about was the 24 inch gauge, which stone masons in antiquity used to measure their stones and make sure things lined up properly. But since obviously I am not becoming an actual mason, I won't be making or laying bricks anytime soon if I have anything to say about it. The gauge is used as a symbol.</p><p>I assume that there's a few interpretations of the symbol out there in the ether, but I particularly enjoyed the one that I was given, not only by my lodge mentor but also by the Brother who initially introduced me to and got me interested in masonry.</p><p>The idea of dividing your time. The 24 inch gauge is divided into three sections of eight inches. Which in masonry represent the three distinct phases of your day and how they should be spent.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BSXRbMIvaNA/X7riuipzMjI/AAAAAAAAMas/xdHRT9oC3nETVwFNaKXi5RqZGc4huxeOACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/24inch_gauge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BSXRbMIvaNA/X7riuipzMjI/AAAAAAAAMas/xdHRT9oC3nETVwFNaKXi5RqZGc4huxeOACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/24inch_gauge.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>While on its face its a good way to divide your day, what I don't think is stressed enough is the idea that the three sections of the day are divided very clearly. There is a definite separation of your time.<div><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Service to God and worthy distressed brethren.</li><li>Usual vocation.</li><li>Refreshment and sleep.</li></ol><div>This might go without saying for some, but in today's day and age I think this is a concept that needs to be impressed upon new mason's. Not to let one or two things dominate your time. I've only been in the fraternity a couple of months but have met some Brothers who take masonry very seriously, are members of several appendant bodies and have large dues commitments as well as time commitments. I could be 100% wrong, but it seems like masonry has come to dominate their lives. Which might be perfectly reasonable for them. Maybe they have no family, maybe they are retired. I am not judging what I am saying is that from my point of view it might be over the top and for me such commitments would be untenable.</div><div><br /></div><div>Further, the clear delineation between the times in your day should teach you to put work in its proper place and not let it infect your time with your family or your time pursuing the worthy goals of masonry or your sleep, and most importantly it should not interfere with your pursuit of knowledge of the Grand Architect.</div><div><br /></div><div>My conclusion being that at least in the limited education I've received, Masons should be encouraged to make hard lines between the phases of their day and do what they can to ensure one part does not encroach onto another.</div><p><br /></p></div>Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-42418272562608412952020-11-21T09:40:00.002-06:002020-11-21T09:40:19.986-06:00Entered Apprentice...<p>Took the first step on a journey. A journey that I hope lasts until my death. On October 13, 2020 I was initiated as an Entered Apprentice Mason into Waymart, PA Lodge #542.</p><p>The inescapable fact of my initiation was that I had taken a step back in time. To exactly when, I'm not sure. The 1700s or 1800s for sure. And I participated in a ritual that has been performed by good men since at least 1717, most likely much much further back, but the histories do not contain enough information to say that for certain.</p><p>I was passed to Fellowcraft Mason on November 10, 2020 in the same lodge. I've learned a lot of new things and I've been exposed to many things that I am still sorting through and most likely will be doing so for quite a while. I don't know where this is going to lead and unfortunately, COVID may be delaying my third degree. But we shall see.</p><p>Regardless, at the risk of sounding too optimistic it seems that I have found a purpose that I can really sink my teeth into. There are many directions I could go with this fraternity and all of them promise to make me a better man. Which should be the goal of every man who wakes up in the morning...to go to bed a better man.</p><p>Now I look forward to sharing with you what I can. I mean there are secrets to be sure. But I assure you that a quick internet search will yield to you anything that I guard. Someone else has broken their obligation, but I will not. </p><p>Hopefully, in time I will be able to take over the world. But I doubt it, Scientology probably has that covered...</p>Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-71294598447564239402020-09-23T15:33:00.001-05:002020-09-23T15:33:47.270-05:00Its Official, The US Is An Absolute Shit Show!<p> First off, no one can challenge my love of this country. I do love it so. I defended it. I will defend it. </p><p>Now that we've got that out of the way, let me make fun of it.</p><p>Trump is a nutjob.</p><p>Biden is a senile nutjob.</p><p>RBG was a great woman who did a lot for the law, for women and for the country. (I don't pretend to know what order those should be in) But the woman is dead. A direct quote from her, in 2016 after she was asked if the Senate had an obligation to assess Judge Garland's qualifications: </p><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">"That's their job," she said. "There's nothing in the Constitution that says the president stops being president in his last year."</div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Then this year before she died, she said: "My most fervent wish is that I will not be replaced until a new president is installed."</div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">The first she was answering a question. The second she was declaring her own personal preference.</div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">The first was based her understanding of the constitution. The second was based on her feelings about the Orange man in the White House.</div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">I don't give one single solitary shit how you feel about Trump. It doesn't matter how you feel. The man is the president, and as such it is his job to nominate justices to the supreme court and its the senate's job to either confirm them or refute them. I guess its refute. What is the opposite of confirm as it applies to supreme court justices?</div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Then we've got the riots, which have become for most of us...Tuesday. </div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Political division, we've got that in droves. I especially enjoy the people taking to Twitter, which is about as American as it gets. Don't actually do anything, bitch about it on the internet.</div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Rioters all over the country are throwing bombs, fire and anything else they can get their hands on at cops. Rioters are being exposed for being snot nosed, fuck face rich kids who are out having fun before they run back to the gated community with the armed security guard dressed just like a cop. Who interestingly enough can only afford to live in the neighborhood that they just helped destroy.</div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">People are stealing Trump signs out of people's yards? Yeah, this actually happens. What vapid, empty headed fucktard said, "Hey, if I grab this sign maybe I'll stop someone from voting for Trump" Do they actually think that works? If anything, it works against you. The sign owner catches you on his Ring Cam and then you're all over the internet firing up Trump supporters because they think liberals are coming to their neighborhood to steal all signs and then they'll come for our daughters. Next thing you know they're doing an interracial gang bang for Brazzers and the world as we know it is over.</div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Both sides have all but said explicitly that whatever the outcome of the election they don't really care. They're not conceding and there's going to be a court battle over it. Which will most likely turn in to an actual battle in the streets between the supporters of nutjob 1 vs the supporters of nutjob 2. </div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">In any case, we might be able to balance the budget if we set up some cameras and put this shit on pay per view. I think people all over the world would pay to watch us tear ourselves apart.</div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">And that's the worst part, we're doing it to ourselves. We created this shit show and we've allowed it to continue and we've fed the fire and fanned the flames. Any semi-sentient being would swear we wanted this. A nation of morons yelling at each other. </div><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: itc-slimbach, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.5625rem; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></p>Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-37677373352299648212020-09-21T16:27:00.000-05:002020-09-21T16:27:02.915-05:00If I Don't Control What Happens To Me, What Is Left?<p> Good question, unfortunately for the length of this post it is a very simple question to answer. The only thing that you really do control is how you react.</p><p>Doesn't matter what it is, what happened, who did it or any of that. The only thing that matters is what are you going to do with it, or about it? Its the only choice you have, how you react.</p><p>Wife/husband get in your face with some intractable nonsense that you know is complete hogwash? How are you going to react to her/him? Are you going to defend yourself vehemently and most likely make it worse? Or will you ask them what's really going on? Will you probe until you find what the real problem is? Or will you just realize that they may just need someone to vent to and they're reaching out, in their own jacked up way, to you?</p><p>Boss a dick? </p><p>Are you going to let him get you down? Let him ruin your day? Let him ruin the day of everyone around you? Or are you going to say, he's just a guy like me, he's going through something that is making him act like this. Or will you realize that whatever he's pissed about, you did, and are you going to own up to it and make damn sure you do better from here on out?</p><p>The examples are literally endless. The alarm went off, what are you going to do? The power just went out, what are you going to do? Kids are screaming, what are you going to do?</p><p>That's the question, and that's the only thing left for you to control. </p><p>The quicker you realize that, the better off you're going to be.</p><p>Now, will I do that? I'm going to fall on my face, no doubt about it.</p>Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-3058378979125442422020-09-17T18:51:00.005-05:002020-09-17T18:51:46.028-05:00Daily Stoic: What Am I Addicted To?<p> Cigarettes, can't get away from that one.</p><p>Gambling, maybe. I do place bets almost daily, but they're for $5-10 per game. I make north of a 100 grand a year, I can afford it.</p><p>Porn. That's an iffy one because I've been fighting it lately. What's the criteria?</p><p>Addiction.com says...</p><p>1. Preoccupation to the point of obsession with sexual imagery. Porn addicts typically spend at least 11 hours per week searching for and looking at pornography. Sometimes they dedicate double or even triple that amount of time.</p><p>2. Loss of control over the use of pornography. Porn addicts often try to quit or limit their use of porn, but without success. They may stop for a day or two, often discarding their entire collection and stopping online subscriptions, only to quickly return to it.</p><p>3. Negative consequences directly related to the compulsive use of pornography. Porn addicts eventually experience many of the same adverse consequences that alcoholics, drug addicts, compulsive spenders, compulsive gamblers and other addicts deal with.</p><p>Using those I'm going to stick with a hard no. Ha, hard no. LOL.</p><p>But you know what I really think I'm addicted to? Planning.</p><p>Not actually doing anything, but planning. Daydreaming, thinking about doing, something. Whatever it might be.</p><p>I saw a little hunting cabin nearby me today that I could live in, and obviously hunt out of and there's a trout stream on the property, it juts up to state land and there's a lot going for it. All for the low, low price of $99,000. Which around here is pretty damn good. Now will I do anything about getting the place?</p><p>Truthfully, I couldn't say for certain, but I know which side I'd bet...</p><p>Yeah, simply running things around in my mind and not committing to anything. Thinking of this, and not doing it. Planning that, and not following through. That's my biggest and most problematic addiction.</p><p>Lovely, step one is always admitting that you have a problem.</p>Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-69218813384273717612020-09-16T19:45:00.001-05:002020-09-16T19:45:27.764-05:00Daily Stoic: How Can I Keep My Mind Clear of Pollution<p> Not on this planet anymore. </p><p>I'd have to say that's about the only thing I could do to keep my mind clear of pollution. Now I am going to alter that statement just a bit and say, "How can I keep my mind as free from pollution as possible"</p><p>I mean I have to use the internet to write this bullshit, so just on the strength of that alone I've already been sucked in to a meaningless pile of human drivel that is the blogosphere, not to mention I like Twitter, cuz its funny to watch people argue with other people they've never met over shit they can do nothing about.</p><p>I like Instagram because well let's be honest there's hot women all over there.</p><p>I like Pinterest because I always want to know how to DIY my own "insert useless thing here"</p><p>Facebook? Hate it but all my friends love it so if I want to keep up with them, I basically have to otherwise they'd get lost to the ether. Maybe not such a bad thing.</p><p>Method 1: Do not pay attention to the news. There is no such thing in today's day and age. Everything is opinion. Not one of the 24 hour "news" networks does anything but spout opinion. Newspapers if you still do that are the same just a little slower and they use bigger words. I think because they have a crossword puzzle they think they're better than the TV zombies. Fuck the news. That will minimize pollution.</p><p>Method 2: Pretty much have to stop watching TV altogether. Which not many of us are gonna do. I know I'm not. But entertainment is so weird now. I mean everything is getting remade. Its like a conscious effort to rewrite history. But what do I know, I mean for heaven's sake they're going to remake "She's all that" with the guy being the ugly duckling?</p><p>Method 3: Move next door to the Unabomber's cabin and live just like him, except for any and all lunatic conspiracy theories and keep your explosives to yourself.</p><p>Method 4: The only serious one of the bunch, think about everything that you put into your mind. Don't flip on the TV and channel surf. Don't surf the internet. Get on there for a reason, do it, then get off. Don't mindlessly scroll through your phone. Don't "mindlessly" anything. Think before you let something in your brain. Think before you let a feeling change your mood. Think before you get mad at the congressional asshat that did something stupid. Think before you believe every bit of nonsense that gets spewed out of a talking head's mouth on TV. Better yet, don't even expose yourself to it. </p><p>Read real books. Don't read this mass produced drivel online. Don't read this. This is just me running my mouth for my own benefit. It has nothing to do with you, and if it does, I didn't mean for it to do so.</p><p>Between stimulus and response there is a gap, that little gap is freedom.</p>Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-8035854842699459382020-09-10T20:26:00.000-05:002020-09-10T20:26:02.454-05:00Daily Stoic Day 5: Who Am I And What Do I Stand For?<p> Well holy hot shit on toast as my lovely wife might say. That's not a heavy question at all. Not a bit.</p><p>So let's pick it apart shall we.</p><p>Who am I?</p><p>What roles do I have? Son, citizen, father, brother, husband, soldier, employee, boss, friend, colleague, enemy, and a myriad of others that are not coming to me right now. </p><p>Son was the one I got first. It came with the conception. Did I do a good job of it? That's a War and Peace sized book answer in and of itself. So let's go with, "it depends on who you ask". </p><p>Which I think would be the answer to that question for all of the other roles as well. Which sounds like one giant cop out. To a point it probably is. On the other hand, it is most certainly true. I suppose what I'm getting at is it is really a fools errand to try and get at who any person really is in a blog post that I'm trying to write in a half hour session before I go to bed tonight. I'm a man, who in his life has filled many roles, has done well at times, has royally fucked them up at others, but has always tried to at least make things right in the end. </p><p>Now the things I stand for, these are easy to come up with...at least I thought they were until I started to think about them for a minute. Most people can think of the things that they hope they stand for. Honesty, integrity, freedom, fairness, hard work, insert whatever positive attribute or outcome you can think of and its easy to say you stand for that. Now try to think of a time you have stood for that. Now after you've done that try to think of a time that you've stood for that on your own....</p><p>This is what I'm struggling with. As I'm thinking especially now with all this BLM and Antifa bullshit going on with all these people running around basically cowing people into doing things have I actually stood up in any real way? Nope. I've written a few inconsequential words on the internet. Maybe posted a humorous meme or a clever picture on social media, but I haven't actually done anything about what is going on in the world and this country today. I'll admit, I live a fairly insulated life in a fairly out of the way place that won't get a lot of attention from anyone. So I probably won't ever be confronted with these situations, but could I go there? Sure. Will I? I sincerely doubt it. Should I? I don't know. Would there be any real point to it? </p><p>But the question remains, can I name a time when I stood up for something that I believed in on my own? With no support, when something I knew was right was challenged, was I able to stand up to the mob, and like Captain America said, NO. YOU MOVE. </p><p>Mighty Mighty Bosstone's Lyrics keep running through my head, "I'm not a coward, I've just never been tested. I'd like to think that if I was I would pass."</p>Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-81228263178918632862020-09-02T17:44:00.001-05:002020-09-02T17:44:38.224-05:00Daily Stoic Day 4: Am I Seeing Clearly, Acting Generously, Accepting What I Can't Change?<p> I'd certainly like to think so. But if I'm being completely honest the answer has got to be no. At least in part. I mean to a point I am seeing things clearly. But completely clearly, I don't know. I couldn't be sure. I don't think I'll ever be sure. Can we ever be sure that we are seeing things 100% clearly? </p><p>Acting generously. That's one where I think its safe to say that I fall short. I'm not particularly generous with anyone. If we're talking about money or time I'm pretty stingy with mine. I like to keep as much of it as I can. Or at least use it for selfish purposes as much as I possibly can. There's some room for improvement there.</p><p>Accepting the things I can't change? Lately, I've been giving a lot more space to people since I have been able to actually realize that I can't control them. Regardless of how badly I want to. So my biggest hiccup on that front is trying to control other people, which is a fools errand. However, I've been able to keep that fact in the forefront of my mind and keep myself from getting wrapped up in trying to control them when I can't.</p><p><br /></p>Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-14850407501690701402020-09-01T11:39:00.001-05:002020-09-01T11:39:14.302-05:00Daily Stoic Day 3: What Can I Say No To So I Can Say Yes To What Really Matters.<p> This is probably a never ending question. Right off the bat, I think I need to say no to the things that I have been doing in my life that haven't been working for me thus far. And that list is long and distinguished....yeah and so is my Johnson. Couldn't resist. Forgive me.</p><p>Biggest thing on my list is this hermit thing I've been doing. I've basically sequestered myself into my apartment and hid out for about a year now. Sure there's the COVID and to a point that has limited the amount of things I can do but I've used it as an excuse to not do anything. I need to say no to that. I need to get up every day and no matter what get my ass out of the house and go do something, anything. Find shit to do, interact with other humans. Build a social circle. Make some friends here. Build some kind of life. Say no to the hermit.</p><p>What's next? I'm gonna try to keep this manageable today. My mood, I'm in a bad mood most days. I don't show it to most people I do interact with but I am. I don't really have a lot of happy go lucky time in my life. Which would be nice, but I think its something that I could say no to every now and then. Fuck being in a bad mood. Say no to Mr. Moody.</p><p>Last one for today. Laziness, I imagine this just is a natural outgrowth of the other two. If you're just sitting at home doing nothing, in a bad mood, why on earth would you be working hard at it? I mean it isn't really that tough to sit at home and be pissed off. As a matter of fact, its pretty easy. I mean yes being angry is exhausting but it doesn't take a whole lot of effort to sit in your apartment and marinate in your own pissed offedness. But I don't work out, I've just started writing again, 3 out of the last 4 days, I don't do much other than work. I do enough laundry not to offend my coworkers but other than that its pretty well sitting on my chair watching Netflix or YouTube. Which if I imagine myself on my death bed is a pretty pathetic way to have spent my time. </p><p>So gonna start with no's to those three. No to laziness. No to the hermit. And no to Mr. Moody.</p><p>Let's see how that goes. </p>Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-17611167867654064002020-08-30T08:56:00.002-05:002020-08-30T08:56:29.598-05:00Daily Stoic Day 2: What Am I Learning And Studying For?<p> Someone really smart once said that an unexamined life wasn't worth living. This is my feeble attempt to examine my life. I've made more than a few lifetimes worth of mistakes and I want to examine them. Not only for my own sake, but for anyone who might end up reading this in the future. Its also been said that if you can read about others mistakes and not make them then you're ahead of the game. Then this is also my attempt to get you, dear reader ahead of the game, because if something that I write can get you even a couple of steps ahead of the game then all my mistakes were not in vain.</p><p>So many people walk through this life without really thinking about it. Or examining it. What they do, why they do it. Where they are going. What their purpose is. I don't want to live that way. I want to know myself. I want to know who I am. I want to know why I was. I want to know why I did what I did. Why I thought what I thought. Why I felt how I felt. If I can pass on a few nuggets to my offspring or to someone who might stumble across my writing all the better. </p><p>The study is simple, the education is how you dig. If you look at your soul as a hole then your education is the shovel. The more education you get the more passes you make with that shovel. The more earth you clear from that hole. The more of that hole you clear of earth the more of your soul you can see clearly. So take your education seriously. Take your studying seriously. Do not read just to "get the gist of it" read deeply. Try to feel what the author wants you to feel, and if you can't, try to feel what the author felt while writing it.</p><p>Do not leave your days unexamined. Think about your day. Think about what you did, said, thought and felt. Think about why you did, felt, thought and said those things. If you want to change those things, try to figure out how to do so. If you hurt someone along the way, did they deserve it? If they did deserve it, was it necessary? Did you hurt them for their own good or for yours? If you did something good, did you do it for its own sake, or did you do it for recognition? Find the actual why behind your actions.</p><p>Did you try to control things that were beyond your control? I'll bet you did. I know I did. Every day in almost every way I can find myself trying to control events and people who are beyond my control. Its easily my biggest problem. Not realizing at the time that what I am doing, saying, thinking or feeling is designed to attempt to control something that is outside of my full and complete control is without a doubt my numero uno short coming.</p><p>Make a concerted effort to read things that you know ahead of time you won't agree with, and read them with an open mind. An excessively open mind. A deliberately open mind. Do not confine yourself to an echo chamber, which is so very easy to do in this day and age. Politically, all you have to do to temper your opinion on matters is try to imagine any situation with the other side as the target or the beneficiary of the circumstances you are discussing and from that you should be able to deduce whether or not it is a fair situation.</p><p>Learning is a cradle to the grave pursuit and studying is a large part of that learning. It ends when you die. After that, if I have the means, I'll let you know...</p>Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-19439295599371651282020-08-29T18:14:00.002-05:002020-08-29T18:14:47.273-05:00Daily Stoic Day 1: What Things Are Truly In My Control?<p> Truly in my control? Next to shit is truly in my control. If you really sit down and think about it. Next to nothing is actually in your control. You can't control your kids, you can't control your family, you can't control your house, you can't control your pets, you can't control much of anything except of course for yourself...and then there's a whole lot about yourself that you can't control.</p><p>Can you control the color of your skin? Nope, not really, I mean you can hit a tanning booth and control it to a point, or go all C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man on us, and control it that way, but you really can't control it. Can you control the color of your hair? Not without chemical intervention you can't. You can't control the color of your eyes. </p><p>I can't control these god damned fruit flies that seem to keep getting in to my bathroom no matter what I do. You can't control what Donald Trump is gonna tweet next, and would you really want to? I mean, you'd ruin all the fun. You can't control what Joe Biden is going to say next, and who would want to stop that senile old bastard from talking, its too funny.</p><p>The fact of the matter is that you can't control much. The only things that you can control is what you do. What you say. What you think and how you feel. That's it. That's all you get to control. Doesn't matter who you are. I suppose if you work your way into some position of power you get to control some things. If you're an army general sure you can bark some orders and some troops will move around a board, but that doesn't mean that any of them have any real respect for you. Its simply a rank has its privileges thing. All you've really got is what you say, what you think, what you feel and what you do. That's as far as your control extends. After that, it ends. Rather abruptly.</p><p>Now I don't know how your typical army general would feel about that fact, but I kinda think its pretty liberating. Makes things a lot easier to sort out. If you can actually separate the two. The things you control from the things you don't. That's the tough part. I'm a boss at work. There's a lot of times I tell someone to do something and for whatever reason it doesn't get done when I want it done and I get my panties in a twist. Now, I told them to do it. Which I control. They didn't do it. Which much to my annoyance, I don't control. But I want to believe I do so I get pissy. Which is the exact wrong answer. I don't control what they do. I can't, unless I hold their hands through every minute of their day, which would defeat the purpose of having staff in the first place. I have to give up that control.</p><p>Can you control your spouse. Ask someone who's been cheated on. The answer is a resounding no. Hell no, even. Not a chance in holy hell can you control another person. Ask any parent of toddlers and/or teenagers. You don't control those lunatics, you can only hope to contain them. So what the hell do you do with this utter lack of control?</p><p>Love it. Relish it. Embrace it.</p><p>Its one of the greatest gifts you could ever be given. Its perfect freedom. The freedom to say, all I can do is what I can do and what happens after that is what it is and is beyond my control. Its the ability to honestly look at a situation and if you can say, I have done, said, thought and felt all I could do, say, think and feel, and what will be, will be and it will be what it will be.</p><p>What I can control I have. What I can't control can kiss my ass...is a beautiful way to look at life.</p>Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-81835437862898517412020-06-16T19:15:00.000-05:002020-06-16T19:15:48.900-05:00We Had The Blue & The Gray, Now We've Got The Red & The Blue...Maybe I'm nuts, okay, I am. But maybe I'm reading this situation entirely wrong but we've got political upheaval throughout the country. We have a six block section of a major city that has been taken over by armed fucking hippies and all the cops have been pushed out.<div><br /></div><div>We have shootings, riots, looting and protests galore and there's a pandemic going on to boot. This is the most fun we've had in years!</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm not going to lie, I really do wish I lived back home in Chicago right now, because I would've found a way to insert myself into this melee by now. I'll admit it probably wouldn't have worked out well for me and anyone else in the immediate vicinity, but so it goes.</div><div><br /></div><div>But that brings me to my current thoughts. No one is in any mood to compromise at all. I mean not even a little bit. One side wants the police and pretty much every other institution of the United States to be defunded and/or dismantled and something much more...shall we say "socially aware" in its place. While the other side wants the US military to be loosed upon the citizens of this country, weapons free. </div><div><br /></div><div>The lines are pretty well drawn folks. Republicans on one side, Democrats on the other. Will this end up tearing our country apart? I don't think so. I don't really think they've got the energy or the staying power required to pull something like that off. But for the sake of argument let's say that they did how does something like that look?</div><div><br /></div><div>How do you divide the US? Into to dirty hippies and gun nuts?</div><div><br /></div><div>Here's a link to a blog that came up with some really stupid maps (in my estimation)</div><div><a href="https://bigthink.com/strange-maps/us-red-blue-partition-plan?rebelltitem=6#rebelltitem6">https://bigthink.com/strange-maps/us-red-blue-partition-plan?rebelltitem=6#rebelltitem6</a></div><div><br /></div><div>I think you'd have to do some relocation, whether anyone likes it or not. You'd have to pick a side. Do you want to be red or blue you'd have to pick and in order to make it so that neither side would have a monopoly on good weather or bad we're going to split it going north and south so each side gets a coast and each side gets a Disney. But either way, pick one and you're moving.</div><div><br /></div><div>Just eyeballing the map it looks to me like the border would be just west of Louisiana in Texas straight up through Arkansas, Missouri, Iowa, and Minnesota. The NFL would be divvied up into East and West and the Superbowl would be played in each countries respective capital in alternating years.</div><div><br /></div><div>This is just what I've spit out in a stream of thought session. I'm actually going to put some thought into this and come back to this.</div>Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-24985603660567452742020-06-09T19:19:00.001-05:002020-06-09T19:19:46.752-05:00I Only Kneel For God, And I'm Not 100% On That Yet...So much craziness, so much fun in the last few weeks. The entire world has lost its ever loving mind. And don't for one minute think I haven't loved the cacophony of it all. Its been fun. I've even been watching the news for goodness sake.<div><br /></div><div>Protests, riots and looting oh my. The fabric of our society is falling down around us. BLM is demanding that the police departments be dismantled and holy jumping fucking shit balls some of these spineless politicians are actually listening.</div><div><br /></div><div>Antifa is running rampant through the streets pulling down statues and vandalizing every monument they come across.</div><div><br /></div><div>And then there's the knee thing. The take a knee thing. The kneel with us thing. The prostrate yourself for the sins of whoever the fuck thing. </div><div><br /></div><div>I can deal with all of it, right up to there. As much shit as I get from most people on my side of the political spectrum I can understand why black people are pissed about a lot of this stuff. Cops can be dicks. Lots of times they reserve a lot of that fuckery for black people. The slave thing, the segregation thing, the racism thing, I can see how that would have put them behind the 8 ball from the jump. Kinda like starting a 100 meter race from 200 meters away with a 100 pound weight around your neck. I can wrap my brain around that.</div><div><br /></div><div>Police accountability for their actions? Easy one, anyone who is actually against that can no longer be taken seriously and most likely should be given a pacifier and put in a diaper.</div><div><br /></div><div>These 4 who were involved in the George Floyd murder. Let the trial do what its supposed to do and give these guys the chance to explain to the court and everyone else exactly what the fuck happened and let the jury decide who is and isn't guilty of what, and when they do don't break anything because you don't like what they decided. That's called being an adult.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now back to the knee thing. Fuck all of you and your take a knee. I won't kneel for you or anyone else. Unless you are holy and almighty blessed and coming down here to start the rapture or some shit I am not, nor will I ever kneel to you or any fucking body else. I don't care what you think it means, or what you think it accomplishes or what you think at all for that matter. To be as utterly American and cliche as I possibly can, if you really want me to kneel you better come heavy because I came into this world naked, bloody and screaming and I sure as shit do not mind going out that way too.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-61200759438951843712020-05-02T10:51:00.002-05:002020-05-02T10:54:30.709-05:00COVID-19, Drones, Wisconsin and Play Dates...First things first watch this video:<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/_KACUbQjvrk/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/_KACUbQjvrk?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
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Now that you've seen that. Let's talk about it.<br />
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Finance guru gets on TV and says that Chinese ways of enforcing their lock-down is perfectly legit because of the results. Classic the ends justify the means argument.<br />
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So, there's a concept in law that I think is a pretty big deal. Many times when you hear about evidence getting thrown out of a trial its due to the "Fruit of the Poison Tree" doctrine. Basically, that means that if evidence is found via illegal means and other evidence is found as a result of illegally obtained evidence, that is fruit of the poisonous tree and it is not admissible.<br />
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Now its a child of the exclusionary rule, and there are exceptions. But it is a pretty big part of our legal system used to discourage police from using unsavory means to obtain evidence. Making sure they know ahead of time that if they don't do it right, they won't be able to use it. Now I think we can all agree that preventing police from illegally obtaining evidence is a good thing.<br />
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The ends justifying the means is a pretty weak argument, for anything. But fear has taken over most people's heads nowadays. For the most part, people are scared of this disease. Perfectly rational fear. Fear is one of those nifty defense mechanisms we have that have helped keep us alive. Now where it goes off the rails is when people let fear dominate their rational mind. And there's been a shortage of rationality in this situation, in my humble opinion.<br />
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Next up, the drones. The scolding drones. If this isn't something that makes your skin crawl I don't want you as a reader. Drones flying around, watching everyone, and giving you government propaganda from the sky. I know we already live in a world that is essentially a surveillance state, but at least it was a little understated before. A security camera here, another in the stop light, they are everywhere but at least they try to make them as unobtrusive as possible so you don't have to have the fact that someone is watching you at the forefront of your mind every minute of the day.<br />
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This New Jersey town has decided to go right to having drones flying around telling people to disperse and social distance and whatever else. If that's not a dystopian wet dream I don't know what is. They've thrown all pretenses out the window and have gone all in on watching their citizens all the time, and not feeling the least bit self conscious about it.<br />
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And now we come to Wisconsin, and their lovely accent. No, their exceptionally even tempered police who came to tell this woman that she's in violation of the stay at home order because she sent her kid to another person's house to play with their kid. I don't know what the order in Wisconsin is, but do we really want to say that kids can't go play with other kids? Sure no gatherings of more than 10, I'll bite off on that. So you've got mom, dad, kid 1 and kid 2 so you're safely under the threshold.<br />
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However, that's not the thing that bothers me the most. Its not even the fact that these cops are talking to this woman like she's a complete imbecile. Or that they're saying Orwellian things like, "Your uncooperative actions will be documented" Its the fact that one of her neighbors called the police on her. Not because she's cooking meth in her trailer. Not because she's running an underage brothel out of her trailer. Not because she is illegally imprisoning illegal immigrants and forcing them to watch Seinfeld reruns. No, they called the cops because her kid went to another kids house.<br />
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Something like this happened somewhere before, I saw it in an old newsreel somewhere. I wish I could've understood it better but the narration was in German.Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-84787720246723264082020-04-02T20:22:00.001-05:002020-04-02T20:22:51.857-05:00Danger Close....Whence one is dealing with close air support or CAS in a war zone, danger close means just that the danger is mother fucking close. Or the bombs and/or projectiles they are going to be hurling at some target coordinate is too close to friendlies for comfort. Always remember, friendly fire isn't.<br />
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So someone at work got this COVID-19 bullshit. Luckily she's already bouncing back from that shit. Now that in my current life is the definition of danger close. I mean I walked right by her on a daily basis.<br />
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What do you do with this information? I suppose you could panic. I suppose you could hide in your house and not do anything for the rest of your life but if you're like me that's not really appealing. I'd rather get this shit and die than sit in the house not getting near another person for the rest of my life. I mean how long can this go on? I understand there's a new virus and its killing people. Of course if you pay attention to the news you'd probably think that a quarter of the world's population has already taken a dirt nap from this stuff. If I'm not mistaken the last numbers I heard was <br />
<ul>
<li>Total cases: 213,144</li>
<li>Total deaths: 4,513</li>
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For the statisticians in the room, that's 0.001% of Americans have bucked the kicket from this thing. Currently, some of the most dire projections have the death toll from this thing at 240,000 Americans. Now do NOT get me wrong, I am not minimizing the suffering of the families hit by this thing. But if 240,000 Americans die from this that's exactly 0.07% of the population. That would put it at the third leading cause of death in the country. Behind heart disease and cancer. Now heart disease and cancer are not (to the best of my limited knowledge) not something that you can catch. Heart disease you're either born with or you develop over the course of a lifetime of poor decisions. Cancer, again from what my pea brain retains, is in all of us, it just depends on whether it metastasizes or not. If I'm wrong about that stuff let me know.<br />
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Anyway, back to this Coronavirus shit. I think the damage its doing in what its turning us into is going to be far greater than the death toll from the actual sickness. Jobless claims are through the roof, unprecedented levels. The fed went so far as to project 32% unemployment. The Great Depression unemployment rate was 24.9%. So, my logic says that we are going from a viral outbreak that could kill a small fraction of the population, to a economic calamity that will kill just as many if not more, just in different ways.<br />
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Obviously, I could be wrong, I've been wrong before. The question that I have is this, is slowing the spread of this virus worth the years of economic struggle and the economic damage that many Americans will NOT recover from?<br />
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Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-27389104470405162102020-03-25T17:48:00.000-05:002020-03-25T17:48:36.332-05:00Just Another Day In The Shitshow...The government is always an easy target for ridicule. Always, and for the most part I understand it. Hence the shitshow in the title. For the most part the government is a shitshow. Now where I start to get a little perturbed is when the ire is directed at the people who work for the government.<div>
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I'm not exactly sure what a bureaucrat is so I looked that shit up. Here's what Google hit me with.</div>
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Bureaucrat: an official in a government department, in particular one perceived as being concerned with procedural correctness at the expense of people's needs.</div>
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The vast majority of government workers aren't that asshole. Are some of us, absolutely. Are some of you assholes? When dealing with government employees the majority of you are assholes. </div>
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For the most part government employees have thankless jobs. The pay is mediocre, benefits are good and for anyone concerned with security in the jobs its a good spot. All in all I'd say the good outweighs the bad. I mean, with this coronavirus shit going on and everything being closed I'm worried that there are going to be a whole lot more mouths on the breadline coming up here soon.</div>
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In any case, the point of this here is to try to separate the government from the employee. Mostly because there's not a whole helluva lot the employee can do about the bureaucracy. Its just not in their job description.</div>
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Moving right along. I'm waiting patiently for the coronavirus to spread like wildfire through my place of employment. I work in a prison. Its a really big petri dish of dirty motherfuckers who as soon as this thing gets in there its going to fly through everyone in a flash. The worst part about it is, we can't shut it down. I mean if you work at Staples or Best Buy, they can literally just shut those places down and in a couple weeks or months when we get a handle on this thing then its back to normal. I'm in a situation that regardless of the state of the handle, I've gotta work. So first off, I can say that's a good thing because I don't have to worry about not getting paid.</div>
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But I'm a little nervous, but then I remember how my brain really works and honestly and I'm only speaking for me here, no one else. I do not wish what I'm about to say to become standard practice. <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/25/health/coronavirus-immunity-antibodies.html" target="_blank">The doctors and scientists on TV say that much like chicken pox, once you get the coronavirus you'll be immune to it for a period of time, or you'll have a resistance to it.</a></div>
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So guess what I want to do? Yep, let's get it over with. I distinctly remember as a kid, and I'm about to show my age here, but when I got chicken pox my mom called the doctor and the doctor said, stick him and his brother in the same bed for the next couple weeks until they've both recovered. Get them both out of the way now so you don't have to do it one at a time. Then a couple days later my aunt and uncle brought my cousins over to get it too. </div>
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In any case, the virus so far, seems to kill old people and people with preexisting conditions. So if you are a reasonably healthy person chances are pretty damn good you're going to make it and then the antibodies will be in you to fight that shit off. They can even use your blood, plasma and other material to help research into finding a cure or a vaccine. So as for me, let's roll the dice. At least if I was immune for a period of time I could not be walking around on eggshells recoiling in terror every time someone so much as sneezes.</div>
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And I could help science...win win all around. Steven Covey would love me.</div>
Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-69261235320743993892020-03-23T17:12:00.000-05:002020-03-23T17:15:33.209-05:00Corona Crazy...I couldn't resist jumping back in and throwing my two cents out for this COVID-19 insanity that is continuing unabated and actually seems to be accelerating.<br />
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I figure most of the people, if any, who read this blog are at least moderately intelligent and even if you're not, you do have an attention span of more than a few seconds which places you solidly in the top 10% of all humans on the planet. So, now that I've made reading this take more than 15 seconds I can rest assured that all the dip shits have lost interest and I can start talking about this thing.<br />
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So, someone is going to have to explain to me why, W-H-Y did the panic item of choice become toilet paper? What in the fuck is the big deal with toilet paper? I mean, I get it you want to have a clean booty hole. No problem with that. But is it really something that we all have to hoard now because everyone is scared that Coronavirus is gonna get you and you're going to need 3000 times the typical amount of TP?<br />
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By the way, so far as I have read explosive diarrhea is not one of the symptoms of this thing, and (I know some may find this disgusting) but typically the bathtub or shower is right next to the toilet so if you do run completely out of toilet paper, just jump your ass in the shower and rinse that shit off.<br />
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What else, so this panic buying shit got under my skin quick. I work for a prison system. And we need to buy soap, disinfectant and hand sanitizer for the petri dish that is every prison and jail throughout the country. And all of a sudden, you can't buy this shit anywhere. Not in the little bottles, not in big bottles, I couldn't even get the shit in 55 gallon drums. So some douchebag has a 55 gallon drum of purell in his garage that he might use a tenth of in the next 5 years and I can't get it in a prison where its really needed.<br />
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And then, the profiteers. Price gougers and Capitalists of Opportunity or whatever you want to call this litter of missing chromosome fucktards that need to be set on fire in a dumpster behind a Dollar General outside of Fort Polk, LA.<br />
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Then there's this guy...<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/15/technology/matt-colvin-hand-sanitizer-donation.html?auth=login-google1tap&login=google1tap">https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/15/technology/matt-colvin-hand-sanitizer-donation.html?auth=login-google1tap&login=google1tap</a><br />
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I mean at least he donated the shit, to get out of a price gouging charge to be sure, but once you read the article it says that someone threatened his wife and children. Threatened to kill them. So, the guy is a douchebag, and he should get hit for this shit. Maybe a few months in jail could be appropriate, or make him refund all the money he did make on Amazon. He already had to eat all the money he spent on the rest of the stuff. Kill his Amazon account, make him volunteer at a homeless shelter, hell make him be the guinea pig for the coronavirus vaccine.<br />
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But don't threaten the man's wife and kids. Especially the kids. The wife, she's an adult, she probably should've told her douchebag husband how people were going to respond to this. But given that the guy originally went to the press to say he couldn't sell the stuff on Amazon, the guy is obviously either a complete psychopath or an absolute fucking moron.<br />
<br />
The craziness continues. Everyone has to stay in the house. Don't go to work if you don't have to. Essential workers that work in one state and live in another may have to start showing ID and authorization to cross state lines. The government is exercising powers it has to direct private industry production. And all sorts of other fun things.<br />
<br />
Okay, forgive me for being "that guy" but am I the only one who is even remotely concerned with the government having the power to tell me that I have to stay in the house? Government's don't normally do too well with giving power back once they get a hold of it. Just saying.<br />
<br />
I get it, the virus and flattening the curve and people are stupid and on and on it can go. I don't disagree with the logic behind all this shit. I'm just a little concerned when its all going to end. How long can we keep this up before collectively we just have to say, "You know what, fuck it, I'd rather get sick and I'd rather people die than have to live like a shut in and do nothing but watch movies and eat ramen noodles till the end of days" There's already reports in Europe of people basically ignoring social distancing and the governor of Florida had to get involved in shutting the beach down for spring break.<br />
<br />
All I'm saying is there's only so long that these restrictions can be tolerated. All non life sustaining businesses are closed...what follows that? The most crushing unemployment rate the country and probably the world has ever seen. It will take generations to recover from it. Hopefully, that's not how this all goes down.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I'm done for now. Please argue with me. I enjoy the stimulation. Lord knows there isn't much else to do right now.Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-33410006827515231502019-11-11T08:34:00.002-06:002019-11-11T08:34:32.652-06:00Avoidance...So for those of you new to my blog, lets sum up. I went to Afghanistan in 2008, got back in 2009. Saw a whole bunch of really fun stuff over there, did a lot of really fun things over there. Came back, started a family, damn near got divorced, still hanging on by a thread and now I live in Pennsylvania while my wife and daughters live in Michigan. I know, that's a very brief overview but the cherry on top to all of that is that since 2009, I've been dealing with a pretty pronounced case of PTSD. I've had my ups and my downs. But that is enough to bring you up to speed on what I'm about to cover.<br />
<br />
Avoidance: The action of keeping away from or not doing something.<br />
<br />
How many of us (vets) can see that in our daily lives. I'm going to take a wild guess and say just about all of us. Even the ones who don't have PTSD.<br />
<br />
Just a thought, I could be wrong, but at least for me who is the only person I can speak for with any kind of certainty, avoidance is the order of the day. Has been for years. Its like it became my first general order.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I will avoid everything within the limits of my life and quit my avoidance only when properly relieved.</blockquote>
That fit in there pretty good. For those of you who don't know, the first general order is I will guard everything within the limits of my post and quit my post only when properly relieved.<br />
<br />
So anyways, avoidance is mother fucker. Because if you're avoiding everything in your life you're really not solving anything or getting anywhere. Avoidance is all about comfort. You avoid things so you're not uncomfortable. You don't want to deal with crowds because they make your hands sweat. You don't want to be near hajis because they make your heart race. You don't want to smell diesel because it just smells so damn good. Seriously they need to make cologne out of that shit.<br />
<br />
In my case, I've been known to hide out in my house or work for months at a time. Basically, if it is not required to maintain my employment or my life I don't do it. Just enough to make sure I don't get fired and I don't die. I can't really explain it any more succinctly than that.<br />
<br />
Now there's a lot of issues with that, chief among them is basically being dead. For all intents and purposes I believe that acting like that is tantamount to volunteering to be dead.<br />
<br />
If that's not dumb as a box of shit I don't know what is.<br />
<br />
But what do you do about it? I mean you can spout a few platitudes about whatever but that doesn't really help anyone who is right in the thick of this shit. Truly it doesn't. I always love it when people say shit like, "Oh you just need to get out there and do things, once you do that it'll go away."<br />
<br />
How about this, the idea isn't to get it to go away. Truthfully, I don' think it will ever go away. Those feelings will always be just one little step away. To be perfectly honest, I don't know if I them to go away. If they did, I might be losing a major part of my life. Something that I am ridiculously proud of. When my country called, I answered. I fought, and I made it home. I don't want to suppress that or forget it.<br />
<br />
So how do we get to being able to live with it and not drive myself and/or everyone around me fucking insane? That's the $64,000 question.<br />
<br />
Enter Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Stage Left!<br />
<br />
CBT to my fat ass's rescue.<br />
<br />
Is it a miracle cure? I suppose initially I thought so. But you have to get in your own head, which is someplace I imagine the majority of us combat vets aren't real keen on going most times.<br />
<br />
So I dreamed up an imaginary friend to help me out. Okay, I might have had a little help from my adolescent fantasy land that I lived in from about 9-15 years of age, but whatever works right. Just imagine Ronda Rousey with tiggle bitties. That's my imaginary friend. A better characterization might be the woman who calls out all my destructive thought patterns and is nice enough to call me a "bitch" when I need to hear it. I do need to hear that quite a bit.<br />
<br />
Basically, the way that I understand it (and I'm not a shrink so I may get it wrong, I'm only talking about me) is that the basis of CBT is to catch yourself thinking the bullshit that makes you unhappy, anxious, depressed, lazy or anything else you don't want to be and when you catch yourself, challenge that shit and find the fallacious thinking that you are doing and show yourself that you're full of shit.<br />
<br />
Its hard to do. Its not easy to spend your day examining your thoughts and checking them. Especially when you're like me. I've got to challenge just about every thought that runs through my head. But it gets easier, and you learn different things to adapt your mind to the rigors of thinking about thinking. In my case, I created my imaginary friend. So in my head its almost like someone else is in there watching my thoughts and when a bad one comes by it grabs it, shakes it in my face and says, "What is this shit, bitch?"<br />
<br />
It works. No one can tell me it doesn't. I do it every day and if I didn't do it everyday I would most likely have eaten a bullet many many years ago. So my existence is a testament to how well this stuff works.<br />
<br />
See for yourself. Talk to a shrink. Tell them you want to do CBT, most of them will be all over that shit. If you don't want to go to a shrink, then you gotta read. So decide which one you hate less and if it you elect to read, this is the book you should start with <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B009UW5X4C/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1">FEELING GOOD</a><br />
<br />
Okay, that's enough of my shit for one day. <br />
Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-63399233964916692242019-11-09T22:00:00.000-06:002019-11-09T22:00:04.321-06:00Book Recommendation: The Coddling of the American Mind.<a href="https://www.thecoddling.com/">Here's a website all about it.</a><br />
<br />
Now, I got a remote start installed on my truck today. Mostly because its starting to get F-ing cold around here and I don't want to have to get in a cold truck every morning. I want to get in a warm truck. So $339 later here I am.<br />
<br />
But I had to take it in to the shop this morning to get it put in, and I didn't have anyone to give me a ride home so instead of waiting there I figured I'd head over to Barnes & Noble and see what I could dig up. First book I picked up was "The Coddling of the American Mind"<br />
<br />
Its no big secret that college campuses are bastions of leftist thought. That in and of itself is not earth shattering at all. The problem with it is that they have gotten to the point where the free exchange of ideas is tantamount to violence in their minds. The idea being that, if you think differently than they do, and you have the nerve to speak, then you're being violent.<br />
<br />
I am about midway through the book and I got it this morning so I can tell you the prose is excellent and it keeps you interested. I haven't gotten to the last part of the book where they are going to delve into some solutions to this mental illness that seems to be pervasive in all these kids.<br />
<br />
That is one thing that I think they did exceptionally well. They recommend CBT, which anyone who has been through my wonderful history with PTSD knows is a Godsend. Its basically, a thought modification project you do in your own head. For the most part, works like a charm. So, if you find yourself in a depressed state, do some reading on CBT, do some of the thought worksheets and start catching your bullshit thoughts before they spill out into your life. Its what I did. <a href="https://feelinggood.com/">If you need a place to start reading here it is.</a><br />
<br />
Also, I don't think I'm the only one who finds the fact that these guys posit that these college kids who can't seem to hear certain words without having a conniption, need to do some cognitive behavioral therapy. They may not have meant it this way, I cannot speak to their motives, but in my mind the implication there is that these kids are on some level, fucking nuts.<br />
<br />
Now I'm not one for bashing generations. Okay, that's not true. But I normally do it up, not down. I train the majority of ire onto the boomers. Additionally, I work in a profession where younger people are needed, and my profession is having exceptional problems attracting and keeping quality kids nowadays. This doesn't bode well for the future of my job. Which, unfortunately isn't going anywhere. So we need to figure out how to work with this younger generation and be able to hand this off to someone when I'm too old for this shit.<br />
<br />
Typically, older folks love to bash the kids. I'm not really too interested in that on a macro level. On a micro-level, I think its great. These chuckle-heads are endlessly entertaining to me. But when you think about it big picture, whether we like it or not, its the old who have to adjust to the young. Pretty soon we'll be senior citizens drawing our non-existent social security and belly aching about the discount we get at the Cracker Barrel, and they'll be running...well everything.<br />
<br />
I also would like to point out how each generation always manages to forget that the generations that they love to talk shit about are their own damn kids. Take some fucking responsibility. My kids are 5 and 3. So I'm going to have to answer for them in a couple decades.<br />
<br />
That went all over the place didn't it? Anyway, pick up a copy if you're looking for something to read.<br />
<br />Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-7821605295915340682019-11-07T18:42:00.001-06:002019-11-07T18:42:34.230-06:00Today, She Put The Dog Down...And I wasn't there. I knew it was coming, but I didn't know it was
coming today. I picked that dog out. When he came up and laid on my feet
years ago I said, This one.<br />
<br />
Now after that he became a
royal pain in the ass. He was a spaz. He had to be medicated and toward
the end of his life he peed everywhere. But he was a dog, and that by
itself made him good.<br />
<br />
My wife tells me she did it while
I wasn't home because I didn't even like the dog. Which is partly true.
I didn't really like him, but there were times when he grew on me. But
that's not what I'm getting at here. I picked him out. I am part of the
family, I'm supposed to be the head of the family. I wanted to be there.
Not just for the dog, but for her.<br />
<br />
She calls me up
crying to let me know that Ranger is gone and while I felt for him, I
felt for her too. I felt for my little girls. My little girls who are
going to ask where the dog is later. I didn't want to miss this. I want
to be there for my family. But I can't. My job, and our future won't
allow that right now.<br />
<br />
But it doesn't hurt any less.<br />
<br />
I'm sorry I wasn't there to at least say goodbye Ranger.<br />
<br />
I'm sorry I wasn't there to comfort you Princess.<br />
<br />
I'm sorry I won't be there to answer your questions girls.<br />
<br />
I'm so so sorry.Mud Puppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10439904004741498131noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-20592415952127835172019-08-11T19:59:00.001-05:002019-08-11T19:59:06.339-05:00That Might Have Been A Little Over The Top...I don't know if you read what I wrote yesterday, but it came from a pretty dark place. I've been there myself. From time to time, I feel the need to go back for a little bit. Not quite sure why that is, but its a thing.<br />
<br />
So here I sit watching a bunch of nerdy chuckleheads playing poker on TV. Yes, I've fallen that far, I'm actually watching people playing cards on TV.<br />
<br />
In any case, I wanted to say that you don't need to worry. I mean feel free if that's the kind of thing you like to do. I mean some people are worriers. But make no mistake. While there have been some thoughts had. Maybe thoughts that most would say I shouldn't be having...they were had nonetheless.<br />
<br />
I don't think that having suicidal or homicidal thoughts is really that big of a deal. I think the problem lies in there being really no way, other than self reporting, for anyone to differentiate between thoughts and plans.<br />
<br />
Plans would mean you set down and figured out how many guns and bullets you need and where to get them if you don't have them already and where you were going to stand and all that stuff. Maybe followed by a dry run or a practice if you will, or maybe a rehearsal to use the parlance I learned in the Army. We rehearsed most of our missions, if we had time. What is that other than practicing to kill someone. They gave me medals for that. If I did the same thing here, I'm headed to a padded room.<br />
<br />
I haven't broken with reality. I haven't lost my will to live. On the contrary, I think its all the more solidified. Given the fact that like the word contrary, I am a contrarian and if I think for one minute that there are people in the world that would like to see me out of the picture that is all the reason that I need to stay in it and increase my profile if you will. Basically, I am too big of an asshole to want to kill myself.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-64244510028098695872019-08-10T21:31:00.002-05:002019-08-10T21:31:29.946-05:00A Local Man...A local man was shot in the head last night. Police are unsure of the cause of the shooting. Currently the CSI crew is working on figuring out whether he shot himself or if one of his many fans came and did the honors for him. No note was found, but the man did have tears streaking down his cheeks leading the investigators to speculate it was self inflicted. A large cache of VA prescription medications were found in the man's apartment.<br />
<br />
No one has come forward to claim the body as yet. Police are working to find the next of kin. Which is to say, they are looking for someone who legally has to take this dead fuck off their hands so they don't have to bury him in a cheap grave on the county plot. It may be cheap, but that shit is still expensive to the taxpayers.<br />
<br />
His funeral was attended by a smattering of old friends and a few old enemies who just wanted to make sure it was him that was getting put in the ground. A few tears were shed, a few chuckles and a couple evil grins, but for the most part it was business as usual again before the first shovel full of dirt hit the top of that pine refrigerator box the county was good enough to purchase for him.<br />
<br />
His life was fairly unremarkable. His landlord said he paid the rent on time, but he needed to get the clean up crew in the apartment to get that bitch rented out again. The family will not be getting the security deposit back. Time marches on...<br />
<br />
He did manage to leave his children a couple life insurance policies. A parting gift from a father not worth his salt. The insurance agent joked, "consider it 18 years of child support paid in full"<br />
<br />
Oh don't worry about me. I'm just trying to find out how deep my darkness goes. If you thought I was talking about myself, rest assured I am not. I wouldn't give any mother fucker on earth the satisfaction. I am going to live to a ripe old age and die alone, but not miserable. Or maybe I'll get lucky and find a way to go out in a blaze of glory...not likely, but its possible.<br />
<br />
In any case, if I ever come up with a bullet in my head, make no mistake about it, someone else put it there. I choose life.<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-40184877641677355082019-08-08T19:15:00.002-05:002019-08-08T19:15:20.112-05:00Oh How I Love It So...Everyday at one point or another I'll stare out into space and somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I can smell it. I can smell the dust, I can smell the nasty shit farts of all the GI's belting out the last remnants the steak and lobster we had at Salerno the other night. I can hear that low guttural hum coming from the patrol fueling back up next to the LZ.<br />
<br />
I can feel the sweat rolling down my back. I can smell the cigarettes and piss emanating through the back door as I do believe that the only place in society today where smoking is not only tolerated, but accepted and even encouraged is in the military. Plus, the piss tubes are behind the "barracks", or the KBR Quonset huts that have contained our beds for the past few months.<br />
I can feel the 550 cord tied around my wrist. Left over remnant of an overzealous platoon daddy who liked to take weapons while a motherfucker was sleeping.<br />
<br />
I can feel the dust. Yeah, I'm back to the dust again. That god damned dust again. It gets into everything. Its on the sheets. Its on the floor...along with the funny looking skid mark left over from the lone 7.62 round that came crashing through the roof the other night. It never lets up, the dust. It is constantly rubbing your hands raw. Rubbing your face until its smooth, well except for the permanent layer of dust that is caked on your face...and everything else for that matter.<br />
<br />
I hear the emmy award winning conversation coming from somewhere a few bunks down pertaining to the cost of butt sex in Bagram.<br />
The fucking dust again. Its between my teeth now. So much so that every time I close my mouth I can feel and hear the fucking dust crunching between my teeth. I take a bottle of water from under the rack and swish it around in my mouth trying to get it out of there. Which only succeeds in relocating the bulk of the dust from my mouth to my stomach. I'm going to be shitting dust covered turds for a year.<br />
<br />
Then someone says something to me. Or the phone rings. Or some such shit. And I'm back. Back here. Watching some nonsensical TV show, or flogging the dolphin, or smoking a cigarette while the old bag across the street looks at me like I'm the devil himself. I can't help but wink at her.<br />
<br />
Then a little bit of me feels a little twinge of guilt. What the fuck am I feeling guilty about? Hell if I know. For the life of me I still can't figure that one out. But the fact remains, I miss it. I miss it, because oh how I love it so...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-52857028903207779232019-08-07T19:04:00.001-05:002019-08-07T19:04:16.555-05:00Kids Today....How many times throughout your life have you heard that phrase? Kids today. Normally it is used derisively against whoever the "kid" is. Also, have you noticed that people are real fluid in their definitions of kid vs adult, old vs young when it comes to themselves. Just an observation I'm not sure where it fits into this but its been on my mind so there it is.<br />
<br />
Its especially true of those of the population my age and younger. I'm 41 and for the sake of argument I could probably be representative of most people up to age 45. Then those kids younger than me. Millennial I believe they're called. But it seems like no one at the older end of that generation wants to be associated with them. Have you noticed that? Its not all of them. Just the old ones. You know the ones who were almost in the previous generation but missed it by a year or two on the cut off?<br />
<br />
Also, who the hell picks the dates on these generations? I can't figure out what they use as the criteria. A major event? Just a random date. A epoch distance from one fixed point in time? Fucked if I know.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/FT_19.01.17_generations_2019.png?w=640" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="347" data-original-width="640" height="173" src="https://www.pewresearch.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/FT_19.01.17_generations_2019.png?w=640" width="320" /></a></div>
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For the sake of today's diatribe we're going to use the above chart. Why? The incredibly scientific method of it was the first one I saw when I googled "define the generations", and surprisingly enough it fits very nicely with my view of myself and the world. (Define confirmation bias) Plus its the Pew Research Center. I've heard of them before.</div>
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But I want to talk about the people who were born between say 1981-1985. These people are now 34-38 years old. I've got a lot of friends in this age group. One night at a bar with my brother someone was talking about this shit and he got real defensive about not being a millenial. He had no interest in being one. Which I suppose I can understand, at least from where I sit the vast majority of press on millenials is negative. But it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to figure out that this is the never ending story. Every generation thinks the one that came before and the one that comes after are shit. The only generation that's worth a damn is the one you're in. Except them guys that fought WWII they're exempt from all this shit, cuz everyone knows they're the best...except for the fact that the baby boomers are 100% all their fault. </div>
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But I still didn't know what to do with the whole, "I hate my own generation" thing. I suppose since I'm a generation Xer, it doesn't faze me all that much. I mean they've made TV shows about my childhood now (The Goldbergs) and the consensus is that my childhood pretty much rocked. *I have some issues with that, but on the whole for the generation its true. </div>
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Plus, we're the generation who were the last to live when there wasn't a computer in every fucking pocket. The machines didn't run my life from jump street. I mean they do now, but it didn't start off that way. I wonder if there's a certain amount of intergenerational jealousy because we actually know what its like to live in a world without smart phones? Maybe I'm nuts. Or I'm trying to justify my own feelings of superiority. Could be, but it doesn't change the fact that at least in my experience those kids born 1981-1985 are the only people who will argue with you about what generation they're in. I've rambled long enough. Looking back, I really need to start structuring my posts some kind of way. This stream of consciousness shit is exhausting...</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8255889363485225211.post-56413145074119294472019-08-06T20:23:00.001-05:002019-08-06T20:23:06.857-05:00Why Am I Always Stuck..Or Am I A Fraud....I've been wondering why I always feel stuck. This has been a recurring theme with me over the years. I mean, I never quite feel like I'm progressing towards my goals the way I should be, or at the speed that I feel I should be.<br />
<br />
Does anyone? Yes, I'm certain of it. There's a small subset of people out there who get up each morning and do the things that they want to do and get the things done that they need to get done and move forward in their lives at a formidable pace. They have to be out there...I know because I'm typing this on a computer hooked to the internet through a VPN that is pretending my computer is in Sydney, Australia. I mean if that's not proof enough I don't know what is.<br />
<br />
So, they exist. We know this. All human progress has rested on their very capable shoulders. Now here I am thinking that I don't belong where I'm at and that I have no business being who I am and doing what I do. By that I mean, I have what some might call a fraud issue. I keep thinking that I'm a fraud. I suppose at some level I know that I'm not. I mean I put in the time to get where I am. I did the work. I learned what I needed to learn. But there's always this nagging feeling inside that I don't belong. That something is going to come up that shows everyone around me that I am not good enough for this. That they made a mistake elevating me to this position. I don't have the goods to bring home the bacon.<br />
<br />
I'm a father. I'm a veteran. I'm an educated man. Partially anyway. I've made it to a point at work where I'm listened to. My opinion is respected. My words are heeded. And for the life of me I cannot figure out why anyone would listen to me for anything at all...<br />
<br />
I suppose that's where my fraud trouble comes in. I cannot understand how I got here. I sometimes think that its all a joke. That Drew Carey is going to walk around the corner and I'll find out that I've been a really bad reality TV show for the past 12 years. Hell, the past 41 years.<br />
<br />
But we all know that's bullshit. Not to say that you can't make it being a fraud, I mean what's the guy's name from "Catch Me If You Can"? That son of a bitch faked his way through almost everything. So its not like it can't be done, but I do know that I'm not smart enough to have faked it. Not for this long anyway.<br />
<br />
Like so many of us, I think I run into my issues when I start comparing myself to the few instead of either not comparing myself to anyone but my former self, or at least comparing myself to the unwashed masses as opposed to the small sliver of exceptional people who are the subject of my comparisons.<br />
<br />
So and so graduated from Harvard at 11, I can barely find Harvard on a map. So and so was the worlds youngest billionaire, I can barely keep my checking account in the black. So and so won the olympic whatever the fuck, and I get winded running up the stairs.<br />
<br />
Maybe I should be happy I graduated from a college. Maybe not one that is known the world over, but it had books and professors. Maybe I should be happy I've got an income. I may not have bankers throwing hookers through my bedroom window for business, but when I need something I can get it. I won't win any Olympic medals in this lifetime, but maybe I should be happy that my legs work to get my fat ass up the stairs in the first place, and be glad I'm winded as opposed to all those poor bastards who have breathed their last wind.<br />
<br />
Like so much, its all a matter of perspective....Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0