New Spot...

Sorry to say kids, I've kind of outgrown "Blogger" and am moving on to a platform more comensurate with my skill set.

Here's the link

EMBRACE THE SUCK II

Notre Dame our Mother, PRAY FOR US...

The title of this post is something I remember hearing in "Rudy". You remember that flick? You know, the one where the kid moved heaven and earth to play for the Irish and he ended up making it into the game for one whole play about 40 years ago and got an entire movie made about him.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm jealous of the guy. He played at Notre Dame and got a movie made about him. Which is pretty impressive. I am by no means demeaning his life. I'm just naturally a smart ass.

Now Rudy has got reason to celebrate. His alma mater is going to the BCS national title game in Florida in about 6 weeks. They're playing for the big ring, the top prize, and whatever other cliches you can think of for the championship.

Let me get a few things straight right off the bat:

1. I like Notre Dame
2. I would like to see them win the game.
3. I have never attended Notre Dame in any capacity
4. I have never even set foot on the campus
5. Closest I've got is posting pictures of Touchdown Jesus to piss off USC and BC fans

Now we all know that Notre Dame is the most well known university in the world, football wise. They are easily the most storied football program in history. Sorry anybody who roots for the SEC, you can't hold a candle to a team that Jesus LITERALLY watches over.

I told you all of that to tell you this:

We've all got to get some perspective on life kids. And this doesn't just apply to college football, it applies to any sport. 

The team you cheer for...is not who you are.

The team you cheer for...is not infallible.

The team you cheer for...should never be referred to using the pronoun "we". For example, "We need to put some points on the board!" Sorry dipshit, Notre Dame or Alabama or Clemson, or Michingan, or Charlie's Steamrollers from the after work softball league down at the Y need to put some points on the board.

People live and die with this shit. And the funny part is many people who are crazies about their respective team have never even attended the school they are losing their mind over weekly. If you think I'm kidding check this guy out.

Perspective kids.

You are not your favorite football team. They should have no bearing on your mood or whether you have a good day or bad.

Watch, cheer, if they win...gloat (a little). If they lose, shrug it off. Because at the end of the day, you didn't do a fucking thing.

Sometimes I think its a disease. SPECTATORITIS

Maybe if everyone weren't so busy checking scores and who's banging who on perezhilton.com we'd have a long enough attention span to realize just how bad we're being fucked by the upper 1%

Think about it.

Oh, and to be fair, I can be just as bad as most guys. Except my teams are the Chicago Bears, the Chicago White Sox, the Chicago Blackhawks.

Lewis Black and Twinkies...

Saturday November 17, 2012. Lewis Black played the Chicago Theater downtown. I was there. In the very back row, but I was there. And he was hilarious.

A few of his thoughts to share with you today:

1. Ohio doesn't really mean anything, Ohio is just Indiana looking at itself in the mirror.
2. Since I've been eleven years old you can draw a line from every decision I've ever made straight to pussy.
3. Where was Tiger Woods Conceived? A Black Thai Affair
4. Fucking government. I mean really, with this deficit and debt its astounding. I mean really 16 trillion? Did someone forget to carry a 2 somewhere?
5. Obamacare is a bullshit term, there is no Obamacare. It is not the care and feeding of an Obama!
6. I currently have 1,993 channels. Exactly 1,990 more than I had as a kid, and oddly enough the same amount of shit to watch.
7. Fuck Facebook! Its nothing more than a glorified yearbook, except we're all in the same grade.

Those were the ones that made it into my notebook while I was there. On another note, it is quite funny to see the reactions of people as they are negotiating any social situation when you whip out a little notebook and start writing. Try it. Its almost as funny as facing the rear of an elevator.

Moving on.

Its now time to say goodbye to twinkies. At least Hostess twinkies. Hostess went under. Filed for bankruptcy. What's the first thing I heard? I heard that its all the union's fault. They wanted too much money so the company went under and now we can't have twinkies.

Couple things. 

A. You'll still get twinkies. Part of that company is the recipe for twinkies. Some other rich cocksucker will buy the recipe and mass produce twinkies to sell to the ever expanding waistlines of the sheeple. So don't worry, they'll be back. Only difference is they'll probably say "Made In Bangledesh" on them.

Second thing. Let's talk about this blaming the union thing.

First of all, there was never any mention of executives or senior managers taking pay cuts. Only union bakers and employees. To be fair, a few executives took pay at $1 per year. Right until the company had enough cash to pay them. Now why didn't they keep doing that when the ship was going under?

Hostess requested permission from the bankruptcy court to pay 1.75 million in bonuses to senior managers in the liquidation. FUCKING WHAT?????

These parasites have the nerve to ask to give bonuses when they are pitching 18,500 employees out on their asses? Oh yeah, they've got the balls. Now could someone please kick them in them.

Plus, some of the executives received raises of up to 80% while the company was struggling.

You can argue all you like. The fact is executives, on average, make about 231 times what the worker bees make. Now that my friends, is a travesty.

Close the company, give ourselves raises while the ship is sinking, and right before the whole fucking thing goes under we're going to flip the loyal destroyers another 1.75 million as a parting gift. Workers? What about them? Fuck them, they'll be there for me to tread on when I demolish and loot the next company.

I wonder how many salaries that 1.75 million could've paid?

I wonder how many salaries those 80% raises could've paid?

Maybe someday, people will realize that this company collapsed under the weight of executive salaries and executive missteps. Not union wages.

Hopefully...

BILL HICKS: It's just a ride

BILL HICKS: It's just a ride:

'via Blog this'

Food For Thought...

Secession...

Alright, so yesterday I gave this very topic a bit of a brush off. Basically saying that people who think they can seceed from the union are at best a bunch of yahoos, and at worst civil war agitators.

Now I get up today and start going through what I call "Cannon Fodder" also known as the "news" and I see that this secession shit is all over the place. I've read anywhere from 27 to 47 states have filed secession petitions on Change.org and Whitehouse.gov You can check out all the petitions here.

Let's be honest. We all know that these petitions are going nowhere and the idea that a state would be allowed to peacefully leave the union was rather noisily put to bed in the 1860's. These petitions have garnered many signatures. Enough to elicit a response from the White House. Which as yet, hasn't come.

However, it should be forthcoming. The rule on Whitehouse.gov is that if a petition reaches 25,000 signatures within 30 days it requires a response from the President's Office. Which, the Texas petition has reached that threshold. I am intensely interested in what the President has to say about this.

Now that we've the facts and figures of this little non-debate out of the way, I'm going to run down why I think this is bullshit.

1. This debate, if it can be called that is totally counterproductive. What's the point? Is it symbolic? What's the symbolism? Are you trying to convince people that you're a disloyal idiot? Taking Texas as an example, patriotism is big down there. Military service is big too. The pledge of allegiance, the national anthem and the stars and stripes. Now the country elects a guy you don't like and you want out? Little hypocritical if you ask me. I love this country, I love our representative democracy and our right to vote, but if we elect someone I don't like, well then fuck it, we'll seceed.
2. It shows a complete lack of intellectual awareness. The Civil War put to bed the idea of secession as a viable political maneuver. The pledge of allegiance states, One Nation Indivisible. Indivisible is a fairly clear term. Not divisible.
3. Supporting this kind of thing marginalizes you as a political force. You advocate secession, which basically throws our country back 150 years, and you are stupid and haven't learned a thing from history. Simple as that. These arguments have no place in an intelligent debate. Making them takes you out of the debate and turns you into a radical. And once you've been marginalized you won't have any affect whatsoever on the political process.

That's how I look at it. Simply put, you advocate secession, then you're a dipshit not worth the air and food it takes to keep you alive. But air is free so you can keep on breathing, and food, you're on your own there. I'm sure you can find a government program to feed you, so hopefully you can eat with two teeth.

How about we focus on productive arguments and debate? Instead of lunatic ideas that have no chance of gaining any traction. Besides, and I keep coming back to this, you (secessionists) do realize that you sound like a spoiled child who didn't get his way. So please, unless you are going to add something productive to the conversation, please shut the fuck up!

Two fun facts for your consideration: (You can check my facts at Literacy Texas)

1. Texas ranks 47 out of 50 in English literacy rates.
2. Texas has slipped to last in percentage of its adults who hold high school diplomas or GED's.

Everything's bigger in Texas, especially the dumbass...

The Democratic Republic of Texas...

I'm sure you've heard by now that some citizens of Texas have started a petition to peacefully remove Texas from the union and become their own nation.

The explanation on their petition reads like this...

Given that the state of Texas maintains a balanced budget and is the 15th largest economy in the world, it is practically feasible for Texas to withdraw from the union, and to do so would protect it's citizens' standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers which are no longer being reflected by the federal government.

Now don't get me wrong. There are some things in there that make perfect sense. Texas is the 15th largest economy in the world. I would really like to know how much of that is federal government money flowing through the state, but I digress. They do maintain a balanced budget, but I'd like to know how much federal aid is in that budget.

And they think they can withdraw from the union and become their own country.

Maybe they're right. I don't really much care one way or the other about Texas. I don't live there, I didn't like it when I did live there, and I hate the fucking Cowboys with an ungodly passion.

Now there's about 40 of these petitions floating around. And the Texas one has garnered over 80,000 signatures as of this afternoon. Now if you ask me, this is some supremely childish bullshit.

Withdraw from the Union? Are you out of your fucking mind? I'd be a lot more amenable to a wall separating the U.S.A. and Texas. This is like a 3 year old stomping his feet and pouting because his guy didn't win.

That's what this is. Sore losers. Obama and the 50+ percent of the nation that voted for him won. And these Texans lost. So now they want to take their ball and run to another nation. Now we all know this is a pointless gesture. I mean anyone who thinks that Texas could really leave the union forgets a few things.

There's 18 military installations that I can count in Texas. And anyone who's been to Fort Hood knows that place is a monster. Not to mention all the Federal Prisons in Texas. And we could go on and on. Basically what I'm saying is, Texas, like most states, would feel severe if not crippling economic consequences if the U.S. government were suddenly removed from the equation.

I'm wondering where Texas gets its water?
I'm wondering whre Texas got its roads?
I'm wondering how much federal aid Texas spends each year?
I'm wondering how much $$$ the federal military installations pump into Texas' economy every year?
I'm wondering who the dumb fuck that wrote that petition up is, and where did he find 80,000 dumber fucks to follow him?

Regardless of your politics, nothing is solved by stomping your feet and throwing a tantrum because you don't like the outcome of an election. Since this election the freedom loving Republicans are the ones who are screaming and whining the most. Here's my question, the system worked. It did what it was supposed to. It held a campaign, an election, and it counted the votes. Now since you don't like the guy who won you're going to make everything difficult?

Thankfully, there's 25 million people in Texas so 80,000 is only like 0.3% of the population. But c'mon Texas. That's a whole lot of dumbass in one place.

Either way, when you wake up tomorrow there will still be 50 states. So pretty much nothing written here or in that petition matters at all. I think we should concentrate on more productive pursuits. What'dya think?

Something To Believe In...

Oh, Lord above. Gimmie something to believe in.

Yes, yes I invoked a glam 80's hair band, and I'm going to talk politics. You got a problem with that?

So I watched a documentary called "Politcracy" this evening and not only was it thought provoking and interesting but it finally put words to things that I think most of us have felt for quite some time.

Washington, Congress, the Presidency and our country's government in general have been broken for quite some time. They've been gridlocked for the recent past, and there is no end in sight to that gridlock. You've got the loony left and the radical right pulling at the same budget strings and they're pulling so hard that sooner or later the whole thing is just going to come tumbling down.

I don't know about you but I don't want to be around for that, but I've got news for you folks, I'm 34 years old and its most likely coming in my lifetime.

I think that's a premise that can't really be argued with. Congress, the President and our government in general don't work. Agreed? If so, keep reading. If not, please feel free to catch the next flight to Xenu and tell Mr. Hubbard I said hello.

Now this documentary went through the usual suspects. Dysfunctional partisanship, wacko political activists, and the corrupting influence of money. All valid points. Once again, being that I am a rational human being who isn't so much interested in your beliefs, I want to know what you can or have gotten done. Actual measurable accomplishments. I want you to work. I want to work. I have a to do list a mile long. I check shit off it everyday. I progress in my life daily. I do work in order to further the quality of my own life. In short, I work at it. Whatever it is, professional, personal, financial, romantic, or whatever the hell else pursuit I decide to pursue. I take rational steps in order to accomplish the goals that I have set.

Here's the kicker. Sometimes a personal goal I have set, like say for instance, going on one of those cattle drive vacations (a la City Slickers), conflicts with another one of my goals, in this case a financial one, which say, for the sake of argument is to save $5,000 over the course of the next 12 months. Now I know that the way that I currently live my life accomplishing both of those goals is impossible. One of two things, or a combination of things will have to happen in order for me to do both. I will have to either spend less money, take a less expensive vacation, or I will have to make more money by putting in some overtime. I'll have to compromise some actions in order to accomplish my goals.

That last sentence is the biggest thing I think we have forgotten in this wonderful land of ours. Compromise. I have to compromise one or both of my goals to accomplish what I want to get done. I can't have it both ways. I don't get my cake and eat it too. It just doesn't work that way.

Now take that and apply it to the grand scale that is our Nation's congress. These men and women are presented with the monumental task of governing over 300 million people. I'm thinking that some give and take would be in order to pull that shit off. But I digress.

So, mercifully, there is a group out there who's soul purpose is to work towards forcing this carnival of fools to compromise.

They've got a website! Of course, doesn't everyone. I mean for Christ Sake I've got a website. Anyway, here's the link. http://www.nolabels.org/work

Now they've laid out a 12 point plan to make that happen. Oh, sweet merciful Lord I love these ideas. I hope you do too. So I'm just going to lay them out here, give you a quick one or two sentence commentary and then move right along. Hopefully, you'll tell me what you think of this.

12 Ways To Make Congress Work

1. No budget, No pay!: Quite simply, if you don't do what we put you in there to do you won't get paid. Kind of like the rest of us and those pesky jobs we've got or don't got. If you don't work, you don't eat! 
2. Up or Down vote on Presidential appointments: Another good call. Congress routinely uses trivial little rules they have to hold up nominees for very narrow political reasons or to gain concessions for their individual state. Bullshit. 51-49 wins. 
3. End the filibuster: This is the political version of "I'm taking my ball and going home." Not to mention at one time, you had to really work at a filibuster. You had to get up and talk for hours on end to hold up legislation. Now all you have to do is signal your intent to filibuster and its done. Which is why in the first 50 years of the filibuster it was used only 35 times. In the past two years its been used over 100.
4. Empower the sensible majority: If a majority of congress wants to get something done, they shouldn't be held hostage by the congressional leadership. They should be allowed to get it done. Basically, this lets senators and representatives sign anonymous discharge petitions which override the leadership and get bills onto the floor.
5. Make members come to work: This is a no-brainer. At the risk of sounding holier than thou you're fucking stupid if you don't agree with this one. Congress spends so much time flying back and forth to their districts that they're not in Washington enough to get anything done. They should have to work 5 days a week just like you and I. I understand congress works for their constituents so they should have 3 weeks in D.C. and one week home. So we have real access to them (they gotta work all 5 days when they're home.) And finally, as of right now, congress doesn't have to all be there at the same time. How the hell do they vote if they don't all have to be there at the same time? Horseshit, they should all have to coordinate their schedules.
6. Q & A time for the President: 90 minutes a month in each house of congress. Questions would alternate between Dems and Republicans. President would have to answer them. Oh, and this is all on TV. Think that would make these clowns get up, in front of the country and defend their ideas?
7. Fiscal report to congress, hear it, read it, sign it: Make congress use the same numbers when they're debating. They all use different statistics and fuzzy math to make their arguments. This way they don't have that chance because they all have to work off the same set of numbers.
8. No Pledges but Allegiance and oath of office: Easy example, 238 house members have signed a pledge to never raise taxes. Another 110 have signed one to never cut social security. How the hell can they debate or work together when they signed away their ability to compromise to some special interest group?
9. Monthly bipartisan gatherings: I like this one. Everyone knows that if you don't even know your co-workers its a lot harder to get anything done. Plus, its real easy to demonize and skewer people when you don't know them. This would force these guys to get to know one another and possibly find some common ground between them.
10. Bipartisan seating: This is psychological. Right now, all the Democrats sit together, and all the Republicans sit together. Almost like a face off, or a war. Make them sit with the other guy and maybe their spirit of cooperation would be fostered. Stranger things have happened. When I was a kid they always made us sit next to someone we didn't know in class, and guess what happened? We got to know them!
11. Bipartisan leadership committee: Another good one. Instead of allowing the leadership to simply get together to figure out how to fuck the other guys, make them get in a room together, make them talk, make them get shit done.
12. No negative campaigns against incumbents: This is simple. No sitting member can campaign against another member. They are free to campaign for his/her opponent, but not against the incumbent. Why? Because would you want to work with the guy who just a week ago was trying his best to get you fired? Not a chance, you'd want to do whatever you could to fuck his world up. So, we don't need anymore of that.

12 step plan. I think it would work, or at least it would be 12 giant steps in the right direction.

Many hands make light work. Democrats can't get shit done. Republicans can't get shit done. Maybe we ought to try forcing them to work together and see if they all can get shit done. If not, we can replace them in a couple of years.

Its a thought, its a plan. I like it. Do you? I want to know.

Throwaway Vote...

"I reject the idea that a principled vote is wasted." -Andrew Napolitano

So we could argue back and forth about who should get the other's vote, but the truth of the matter is this...regardless of who wins tomorrow the sky won't fall, if Obama gets reelected the Socialist revolution won't start, the Red Army won't be marching down Pennsylvania Avenue. 

And if Romney gets elected the economy won't magically roar back to health overnight, nor will all the stars align and manna from heaven will not fall. 

Truth is, not a whole lot will change. People will go on and live their lives and these two fucks, regardless of which one gets in there, will do their time, steal what they can, set up nice cherry deals for whatever buddies they can, and then laugh as they use their government pension checks as toilet paper. 

Oh, there'll be some minor shuffling of this law or that law, there'll be a new supreme court justice or two, but nothing will actually change. Not by a long shot. 

You see I'm voting for a libertarian because they've actually got a philosophy I can believe in. I've been called cynical by lots of people when it comes to politics, and when it comes to Democans, and Republicrats I certainly am cynical. Not one in my lifetime has been worth a damn. 

I am NOT however, cynical about America. I believe in this nation down to the marrow of my bones. You can say I'm throwing away my vote, but the more people who throw away their votes the better chance we have of throwing off the tyranny of this two party bullshit. 

I think its you who is throwing away your vote. I think its you who is cynical. Because you think that this is all you've got. You get these two and that's it. Imagine if our forefathers had thought that way. This is what the powers that be say, so this is what we get. 

No sir. I want more than that. I may or may not get it, but I won't stop trying. And I certainly will not vote for the chocolate or vanilla version of the same damn ice cream. That's how this nation was born, when a whole lot of people got really pissed off and wouldn't toe the line anymore. If enough of us stop toeing the line, maybe something would actually change...just saying.

It's Expensive To Be Skinny...

Couple things before I start this rant.

1. I am what some might characterize as a fat ass.
2. 6'2"
3. 307 lbs.
4. Was 338 lbs as of September 16, 2012
5. Been doing weight watchers since that date.

And now, hilarious photo break

Okay, now that we've got that out of the way. A few more facts. 

In order to eat properly and get within those fucking points that I get everyday, the princess and I have had to change the way we eat and change the foods we buy.

Everything's gotta be fat free, low fat, low sodium, light, 1/2, and blah bitty blah.

Another little fun fact. We went to Wal-Mart this morning to do our bi-weekly shopping and it cost us $229.37

Last fun fact, a buddy of mine this week told me to go to Trader Joe's or Caputo's fresh market to get all my food because its so much better and healthier for you there.

To which I replied. FUCK YOU!!!

Sorry pal, but now that I'm doing my best to eat right, exercise daily and not allow the criminal food corporations to poison me a little each day my bill has pretty much doubled.

I can tell you that this eating healthy thing is quite a project. A project that requires money. Now given that we are a couple, both with Fed jobs, pulling in in excess of $100,000 per year we can handle the food bill.

That being said I can tell you for certain that if you were to throw a little rug rat into the equation and all the expenses that come with that we'd have a hard time making that bill.

And as I thought about that, this came to mind. What about all the people out there who don't have jobs like we've got. What about all the people out there who are trying to survive on one job, or two underemployed people, or what about people who have 3 kids. And on and on my brain went.

Its gotta be fucking impossible. And all you ever hear is that Americans are fat. By whatever year 50% of the population is going to obese. Obesity causes however many billions of dollars in health care problems. Kids are obese and its raising the doctor's bill and lower life expectancy.

For Christ sake they're outlawing Big Gulps because pop is so bad for you. 

Now here's the question. If all this is so bad for us, why are we constantly getting fed all this crap? Why is that its cheaper and easier to feed a family of 4 at McDonalds than it is to cook a healthy meal at home for them with high quality ingredients. That just seems wrong to me.

The government, whether we like it or not (for the record I don't) taxes and regulates EVERYTHING.

So through their little taxes and regulations they put incentives on doing certain things and not doing others. For individuals and businesses alike. 

Why don't they make a push to bring food costs under some kind of rational control and make it a bit easier to get your hands on good, healthy foods. 

When I was single and couldn't give a shit about what I put in my body I could eat for a month on about $240. Plus, I could eat out a bunch of times at fast food joints and the like for about what it costs us in food now.

The question still stands, and I'd like an answer. Why the fuck is it so damn expensive to be skinny in America?

Stop The Madness, I Wanna Watch Hockey...

The NHL is locked out. Has been for a while now. Just for the record, I am a Chicago guy down to my bones. I earned my stripes and there's two baby blue ones on my heart. I love 3 teams. In order of precedence.

3. Chicago White Sox
2. Chicago Blackhawks
1. Chicago Bears

My beloved Blackhawks should be playing and they're not. I hate watching basketball. That's a sport to be played if you ask me, not watched.

It started September 15, 2012.

So, let's run down the issues that are causing this shit.

1. Revenue sharing. Owners want more, players want more. Or at least the players want to continue at their original level in the old deal.

2. Set a max term on player contracts of 5 years.

3. Eliminate signing bonuses and set uniform salary levels for each year of a contract.

4. Extend entry level contracts from 3 years to 5.

5. Extend qualification for unrestricted free agency from seven years in the league to ten.

Now, I don't really give a whole lot of credence to either side's argument in this. The players countered with some shit after asking the league for more financial information. And I don't know what has gone on in the closed door negotiations. But I do know a bit about human nature.

This is one group of rich guys, figthing with another group of rich guys, over the money generated by selling their product to the masses.

So I'm going to posit the same theory I had when the NFL was having its labor issues.

How about instead of players getting more money, or owners getting more money, how about you all take less money and lower the fucking ticket prices?

I can't even put my heart into writing this, because I know that an idea like that doesn't stand a chance. Here's an idea, leave the ticket prices the same, just give the kids free tickets with a paying adult. One per adult. Ya know? Work with us here.

I want to go to Hawks games this year, but it takes about a car payment to buy two tickets, a couple of beers, and a hot dog. God help me if I wanted a bobble head.

The NHL average ticket price last season was $57.10. So if dad wants to take mom and little Tommy and Tanya to the Hawks game, just the tickets are over $200 already. Now you gotta park, another $20-30, then you gotta buy pop, 4 of them, and cotton candy, and hot dogs, and blah blah blah. They haven't even sat down yet and they're out over $300.

I hate to say it, but I think the NHL lockout is a good metaphor for what's happening in this country today.

Two rich guy(s) fight it out over the prize (money). While the rest of us foot the bill to keep them in the lifestyle to which they've become accustomed.

And so, like the Bears before them, the only kind of protest I can come up with, I make myself perona non grata at all Blackhawks games. I still watch on TV, and I still want them to kick the ever living shit out of anything Red Wing or Blues. I won't stop being a fan. But I will stop giving them my money.

Unlike the government and their occursed taxes. I can keep my money away from Bettman and the NHL. When this lockout ends, they won't be getting a thing from me. So until the NHL takes a few steps to make their product more affordable and family friendly (Read: Cheap) I call for NHL fans to boycott the teams. Boycott the NHL. When they blackout the games, forget it. There's this wonderful place called the All State Arena where the Chicago Wolves play. And get this, at Wolves games the seats right on the fucking glass. Right up there, the best seats in the house, I mean you might get some blood on you seats...are $51.50

The best seats in the house are lower than the NHL average. Maybe they realize that the fans are the lifeblood of any sports league. When are we going to let the NHL, NFL, MLB, NBA and whoever else know that they work for us. We pay their bills.

They are going to work. They are going to play. Or they are going to suffer.

Or we keep on the way we're going and wait for the next lockout, so I can write this again.