It's Nobody's Fault But Your Own, Richie...

So by now I'm sure everyone has heard about the Richie Incognito-Jonathan Martin nonsense in the NFL.

I couldn't pass this one up. It's completely ridiculous and Richie Incognito has only himself to blame for all this dumb shit.

Some call it bullying, some call it harassment, some call it threatening. I call it the epitome of stupid.

Incognito makes $3.3 million dollars per year to play football.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that his brain has been turned to soup by a few decades of smashing in to other 300 lb men. So that's not something he should be giving up, and a "high ranking source" said he will never play another game in Miami.

Now I don't care if Richie Incognito is a racist or if he's a bully, or if he's a fascist anarchist for that matter. I don't give a flying shit one way or the other.

What this is, is a teachable moment for the world we live in today.

People are sensitive and people will not stand up to their adversaries and those people will run to the powers that be (in this case the Dolphins and the NFL) to get their problems handled.

I can't quite understand how two NFL linemen could bully one another. These are two men who have spent their entire lives in violent situations. I can't really understand how one of them could have any real fear of the other, but what the hell do I know, I wasn't there.

However, whether your Richie Incognito or anyone else for that matter. Stop opening yourself up to all this nonsense by sending tweets, and text messages and leaving voice mails for the people who would do you harm.

I'm not condoning Incognito or Martin. Their football players. Who really cares if they didn't get along? I don't. But this is a moment to show all of you kids out there that every word you say, every letter you type, and (ask Riley Cooper) every move you make is all being recorded.

Choose your words carefully. And if you want to threaten or bully someone, you're going to need to make sure that its your word against theirs, because once they get you on tape or recorded some kind a way, you're done.

You lose your ridiculous salary. You are turned in to a laughingstock in the media. Your target becomes a martyr. So basically, your entire plan blew right up in your face because you couldn't resist the urge to call someone dirty names on their voicemail.

Someone gave me some advice a long time ago, and you all (especially you Richie) should heed it.

Everyone walks around with a gun. It's up to you whether or not you give them the bullets to shoot you with.

Richie Incognito handed Jonathan Martin, the Dolphins, and the NFL a magazine full of bullets to ventilate him with, and they're going to do it. I'd be surprised if he plays another down in the NFL, and if he does it'll be for league minimum.

All that over a few text messages and a couple voicemails. Just doesn't seem worth it to me.

16 Pot Plants And A Pissed Off Ex Got This Guy Killed...

So first things first, the disclaimers. I'm the son of a police officer. I was a military police soldier in the US Army and I currently work in corrections as a zoo keeper.

Those things being said, my sympathy for law enforcement should go without saying. I think they should have every tool constitutionally available to them, and taxpayers should pay for it. I think they should be paid well. I personally think that their pensions are completely out of control, but that's just me. (C'mon, nobody deserves 90% of their pay at 25 or 30 years, NO ONE.)

Now, here's what got my engine running for this post.

There was a drug raid. The cops busted into this dude's house. Between him and the cops somewhere between 130 and 250 bullets were fired.

One cop got killed.

Five cops got wounded.

And Matthew Stewart (the suspect) died as well. He killed himself. The media calls him Matthew David Stewart which to me is just their way of equating him with a serial killer. I swear you only get a middle name if you've killed at least two people.

It's kind of ridiculous that all that blood had to be shed over a few marijuana plants and a pissed off ex-girlfriend.

Not a whole lot of this convoluted story is particularly clear. What is clear is that these cops decided that the best way to blow this whole case wide open was to raid this guy's house, with guns drawn.

Now I'll tell you one thing for absolute fucking certain. If you know a guy is an former Army paratrooper. I would think twice about how you are going to go about arresting him. You walk into the home of a combat veteran (not sure if this guy was or not) and you pull out a gun, I would certainly expect a swift and violent response.

Just saying.

But that's what they did. They could've waited for him to go to the Redbox. They could've got him when he stepped out to go to BK. They could've grabbed him when he came out to get the newspaper. Or any of the million other random reasons I'm sure this guy came out of his house for every day.

Sometimes I wonder. Because throughout my entire life working in the military as a combat soldier or in a police capacity the one thing that was always right in the front of my head at any given moment was the safety of my soldiers and my safety.

I remember a time when violence and battle appealed to me. It was right before I encountered my first truly violent experience.

I don't know what kind of people are becoming cops nowadays but it seems (I could be wrong) that they are more and more militaristic and they are looking at the public with more and more of a military friendly vs. enemy frame of mind. They all wear bullet proof body armor, which in Chicago I can understand but the suburban and the rural guys are doing it too. They've all got M-4's which sorry folks is a military assault rifle designed to...get this...assault people. It is a weapon of death. That's all its for. Killing people.

Whatever your opinion of this case is, its not really the point. The point is that no cogent argument can be made that this guy posed any threat to society other than to buy the 7-11's out of peanut butter cups. He was a pot head, and he pissed off his ex-girlfriend.

Instead of choosing a low risk method of arrest, the police chose to bulldoze their way into his house. I'm sorry but you break down somebody's door waving guns around you had better be ready for some action Jack!

It's a tragedy that 16 pot plants and a vindictive ex caused all this bloodshed.

And why didn't the police at least do their due diligence and check all this shit out ahead of time?

This is the kind of thing that soldiers do. In foreign lands. In defense of this nation.

This is not the kind of thing that cops should be doing in fucking Utah...

Will there be times when cops would need to do things like this? Absolutely. However, it should be extremely rare and it should be done by the specially trained units that every police department including Mayberry seems to have nowadays.

It should obviously not be done by The Weber-Morgan Narcotics Strike Force.

With a name like that, could you expect anything less?

We've Got a Deal...

Thankfully, it only took a damn near apocalyptic event to motivate congress to get its collective shit together and pass a bill to fund the government and raise the debt ceiling for...a couple months.

Good call Congress. Everyone have a beer and start talking about how your side won.

You're still a bunch of ineffectual squabbling children not worthy of the air and food it takes to keep you alive, much less the huge salaries you are paid from constitutionally protected funds.

I've never been able to figure out why you can be such a bunch of idiots. The only thing I've been able to come up with is the fact that you don't live in the same world as the rest of us.

We all live in a world where bills actually come due. We all live in a world where sooner or later your ability to borrow runs out. We all live in a world where we work. We compromise, We think, We worry, but most importantly we WORK.

We have to. Somebody has to pay your ridiculous salary. I still can't believe as a country we allow you fucks to vote on your own pay rates and raises. But you see that's why you exist. Because your average citizen doesn't have time for all this political nonsense. They are too busy living their lives and trying to keep the roof over their head and food in their bellies.

Now, we have to find a way to fix you. Throwing you all out. While certainly enjoyable this won't solve anything because another crop of assholes just like you will rise up to take your place. I do wholeheartedly believe that to be a politician, first one must be an asshole.

So how do we force you to live in the real world. How do we convince you that your actions actually have consequences in real life. Not your lovely, sheltered existence in Washington.

Thankfully, there is at least a framework for us to bring you back to earth, at least the same earth that the rest of us inhabit.

That being said, I know that the following is a chain letter and will probably by my very promulgation of it will destroy any credibility that I've got. Think about what it says...there are some holes, and there are some arguments to be made to change it. But imagine the difference if all these cocksuckers could only hope to leave a legacy of good done, as opposed to a seat or job or speaker-ship protected...its a helluva thought.

Anyway, here goes. I wonder if the country is capable of actually amending the constitution without destroying itself? Before you answer, remember we damn near sent the world into economic Armageddon over a few lines in a healthcare law...

Congressional Reform Act of 2011

1. TERM LIMITS
12 years only, one of the possible options below.

A. Two Six-year Senate terms
B. Six Two-year House terms
C. One Six-year Senate term and three Two-Year House terms

2. NO TENURE/NO PENSION
A Congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office.

3. CONGRESS (past, present & future) PARTICIPATES in SOCIAL SECURITY
All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system and Congress participates with the American people.

4. CONGRESS CAN PURCHASE THEIR OWN RETIREMENT PLAN
Just like each and every other American.

5. CONGRESS WILL NO LONGER VOTE THEMSELVES a PAY RAISE
Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 2.5%.

6. CONGRESS LOSES THEIR CURRENT HEALTH CARE SYSTEM
Congress will participate in the same health care system as the American people.

7. CONGRESS MUST EQUALLY ABIDE by ALL LAWS
No special exemptions or treatment.

8. ALL CONTRACTS WITH PAST AND PRESENT CONGRESSMEN ARE VOID
Effective 1/1/12.

Read more Here

It's all horseshit, but I can dream...can't I?

An Open Letter To Congress...

I am an excepted employee.

I just finished up day 10 of working for IOU’s.

I am an excepted employee. Meaning regardless of the shutdown I’m required to work.

The cable bill is due, the phone bill, the water bill, the gas bill, the car note, and not long after all of that comes the mortgage for my simple house in the suburbs.

Mr. or Mrs. Congressperson, your money comes from a separate pool of funds. This is convenient for you, but a few of you decided to donate your salaries to charity or not take them till the shutdown was over. Sorry, empty gesture. You’re mostly rich anyway, your congressional salaries probably aren’t your primary source of income, I’m sure you can wrangle a loan or two from your boys down on K street.

Let me tell you a bit about who an excepted employee is.

He works every day. He doesn’t get paid until congress decides he does.

He’s a guy who works in a federal prison, as a correctional officer, keeping society’s best and brightest away from all you respectable people out there.

He’s a guy who goes to the VA once a week to talk through the nightmares that won’t let him sleep more than three hours at a stretch, and for that the VA judged him disabled so they are nice enough to send him a check once a month for his troubles, but only if you allow it.

He’s a guy who spent 14 years in the US Army, and would really like to get his GI Bill payment come the end of the month.

Unfortunately for this guy, his entire income is derived from the US government. I dare anyone to claim he didn’t earn every penny.

He dares any member of congress to do the things he does, or do the things he has done for this country.

He was shot at, blown up, rocketed, mortared, slept in a hole, didn’t shower for days at a time, and a million other smaller indignities that aren’t worth mentioning.

He came home from fighting for his country and got a job working in a prison, containing the people who broke the laws that you made. This job has shown him the depths of evil. It has beaten him, its punched him, kicked him, it’s made him work while tear gas hangs heavy in the air, and he’s been spit on, berated, and subjected to every form of abuse under the sun. All for less than a quarter of what you make while you come up with new laws to fill those prisons from overflowing to bursting at the seams.

Many of these things he has done for the country that he swore to defend before he could legally buy a beer. He has done these things willingly and gladly. Any day spent serving this nation, whether in the uniform of a soldier or a correctional officer is a day well spent as far as he’s concerned.

But his next check isn't going to come. Well, only half of it is coming. Then after that no one knows when the next one will come. You shut down the government, but the world keeps on turning. The bills will come due, whether the government is open or not.

He’s heard people call him, an “overpaid government employee”. He wonders what a congressperson or civilian would expect to be paid for the things that he’s done and seen.

He’s even heard congress people say that they stand with federal employees…to which he can only say, "Yeah, you’re here with us, except you’re getting paid, your lives aren't disrupted, you don’t have to wonder how you’re going to make the mortgage, how you’re going to feed your kids, how you’re going to keep the heat on this winter, how you’re going to buy Christmas presents." He’s sure you've got mortgages, and kids in college and bills to pay too, but he wonders how you can justify paying yourselves when a continuation of this means he has to sell his house?

All except for that, you’re here with us.

I guess that’s what “excepted” means.

It means that you’re the excepted employee, because no one is getting paid, EXCEPT YOU.

You are the excepted employee.

Government Furlough = Free Vacation

Now ladies and gentlemen your government came up with its latest bag of dicks in relation to the shutdown.

Government will pay furloughed employees.

Now, the shutdown is simply because Republicans are throwing a temper tantrum about Obamacare. They can't actually defeat the law in open debate in congress so they'll force a shutdown.

Which in the long run will be fine with me, since after this shutdown is over the majority will blame the republicans and they will slip further into irrelevance. Now all we have to do is wait for them to lose a few more house seats and sooner or later the gerrymandering will come up and the democrats will basically run their asses off the map and we won't have to worry about tea bagging fucktards anymore...well maybe a district or two in Wyoming but until the human population outnumbers the cattle they won't be of any real consequence.

But back to what I was originally here to comment on. Paying furloughed employees.

ARE THEY FUCKING SERIOUS?

Supposedly, there are 800,000 government workers who are furloughed. That means they are not working, nor are they getting paid. Until this bill passed with basically universal support in congress and I believe that the president has said he will sign it.

Operative words in the furloughed employee explanation, NOT WORKING.

So they are going to get paid for work they don't do? Who the fuck thinks this is a good idea?

We've got a government who has basically borrowed every spare penny on the planet at one time or another and everyone is always bitching about how cuts need to be made and money needs to be saved and yada yada...and then they go ahead and pay 800,000 people for doing nothing!

These workers are going to get paid for sitting at home while the inept congress figures out how to pull its head out of its ass long enough to pass an appropriations bill.

Sorry, that's not fair. Its not fair to the American people who are paying their (our) salaries. Yes I am a government employee but I'm not furloughed. And yes, I am totally jealous. And its certainly not fair to the federal employees who are working through the furlough.

They are literally getting something for nothing. Which is about the most un-American thing in history.

Better solution, if at the end of the shutdown, employees who were furloughed decide they would like to take leave (vacation or sick or comp or whatever) to cover the lost furlough days and be paid for them that is fine, or they should come up with furlough premium. We get paid 10% extra for working at night, and 25% extra for working on Sundays. I think working for IOU's is worth a little bump, don't you?

If they choose not to take leave for those furlough days, well then fuck you. The federal workforce is like 2.1 million or something like that. That means that there are 1.3 million federal workers who are deemed "essential" or "excepted" and they've gotta work. Why on earth would anyone consider it "good business" to pay someone for work they didn't do?

And we wonder why we're 18 trillion in the hole.

Remember this shit America. Remember the obnoxiousness of shutting down the government over them not getting their way (toddler anyone) Remember that they paid 800,000 people for doing nothing. I hope that each and everyone of you feels this in one way or another so maybe when those next elections come around you actually pay attention.

My advice:

1. FIND OUT WHO THE INCUMBENT IS
2. VOTE FOR THE OTHER GUY
3. IF THERE IS NO CHALLENGER (THIS HAPPENS A LOT IN ILLINOIS)
4. VOTE FOR "PETER GRIFFIN"
5. REPEAT EVERY ELECTION UNTIL NO ONE HAS SERVED MULTIPLE TERMS

And remember, maybe if we actually pay attention and do what we are supposed to do then we can change Mr. Carlin's opinion of us...

Screw You Guys, I'm going Home...

And with that, its a proven fact that Republicans have officially become Eric Cartman.

Now I don't know about you, but I'm a federal employee. I work for the government and I draw my supposedly ridiculous paycheck every two weeks from the people who pull all that money out of your paycheck every two weeks.

Tangent: The federal government takes taxes out of my check, they took taxes out when I was in the Army so long as I wasn't getting shot at or blown up at the time. That being said, am I the only one who thinks that's a little silly?

The check I cash comes directly out of the treasury...and the treasury removes a percentage to pay my portion of the next aircraft carrier we buy. Why not just pay me less and forget the taxes?

Back on topic:

These motherfuckers have completely lost their minds, or they know exactly what they're doing and just don't care.

Its a well known fact that a government shutdown wouldn't be very good. A calamity? I'm not sure about that, but it wouldn't be good. A whole lot of money would get choked off in a real big hurry. And just so we're clear, your taxes would continue to come out of your check, but none of the goodies you usually get for those taxes will be forthcoming.

A couple million federal employees would get furloughed or would stop working all together, or in my case since I have what's deemed an "essential function" job I would work, but I wouldn't get paid...lovely. And essential function basically means that someone would die or be placed in great danger if I were to not show up for work. So there's that. I always wanted to work for free.

Now that'll effect the economy all by itself. A few million people who support god only knows how many people will all of a sudden miss a paycheck or two. Granted we'll get it back when these politicians pull their heads out of their asses...then again maybe we won't.

Not to mention all the money the feds pump into the economy daily, that'll all be gone. All that grant money that the states get, that'll be gone (it might be already, what the hell do I know) And for what?

Some bullshit posturing about Obamacare. I give a fuck what you think of Obamacare. Right now it's the law of the land. And I'm a law and order guy. I learned in the military to deal with shit I didn't like. Normally, that's one of the signs of a mature adult. If you don't like the law, and I'm talking to you red staters now, gather up the votes and kill the law. Do it the right way, in congress, in open debate, and kill it on the power or the superiority of your ideas. Not by holding the entire federal government and by extension the entire country hostage to your own inadequacies.

You're killing yourselves Republicans. The more you do shit like this the less relevant you become. Sure a few of you will survive in the rural areas where there are more cows than teeth, but if you keep shit like this up you are going the way of the dodo. Tell the American people why Obamacare is bad, and why it should be defunded, overturned, burned at the stake whatever floats your boat. But convince people because you are right, not because you're going to beat them over the head with a rolled up newspaper.

Even Karl Rove thinks this isn't such a hot idea.

Your boys in one house of congress, the upper one, think its dumb.

So let's just run this down. Karl Rove, isn't he like Republican Jesus? Or at least Yoda? Thinks its dumb. Other Republicans think its dumb.

Well, screw you guys. I'm going home.

Call Your Mother...Sincerely, The NSA.

So the whole NSA spying on every Verizon customer in the US and recording where they call, where they call from and the duration of every call is actually getting a bit passe lately.

Just like I said it would.

And I've been watching a bit of news lately...mostly the Daily Show because it is about all the "news" that I can handle nowadays. Which has shown that what you think of this Snowden cat is pretty well determined by which side of the aisle you work for.

And I'm not talking about Democrats or Republicans in this case. I'm talking about government against the people type thing.

Pretty much every career politician calls Snowden and traitor, or a hero. A whistle blower or a...and I love this one...a grandiose narcissist, who deserves to be in prison.

All of this makes me laugh because the debate about who or what Snowden is, in my humble opinion is

BESIDES THE FUCKING POINT!!!!

Now that we've got that out of the way, maybe we can have an intelligent conversation about the NSA and by extrapolation the government and its collecting of ridiculous amounts of data on US citizens. Namely, you and I. Or at least I, given the fact that I am the proud owner of 2 iPhone 4's supplied by Verizon (99¢ with a 2-year contract) A contract which obviously contained some sort of NSA rider that I was unaware of.

First things first, we should sue Verizon for being such a bitch. I'm sorry, this is a capitalist country and I thought corporations ran this country, how is it that they can roll over like a whipped puppy when some spy agency half the country has never even heard of comes calling? C'mon Verizon, take your balls out of your purse and tell them to eat a dick.

If they threatened you with something, all you would've had to say is we'll be happy to comply after you get the signed consent of every person not listed on a warrant issued by a judge in a court of law. 

Or you could've said no, and we're just gonna shut off 111,000,000 cell phones , but right before we do we're going to send them all a text saying, "We'd rather shut off your phones than hand all your data over to the NSA, because that's what they want. Have a nice day!"

Now that, would've been epic.

And I'm going to venture a guess as to why. Its because Verizon and the NSA and the US government, and congress and the media (the big one) are all the same fucking thing folks!

They're all a different snake on the same Medusa head. Only difference is, we're already all stone. They don't need to turn us.

Apathy is the best word that can be used to describe an American public that would only have 58% of the voting public show up to elect the sitting president. That means over 4 out of 10 of you pukes reading this didn't vote in the last election.

5.8 of us decides what's best for all 10 of us.

And let's not get started on all the empty bullshit that politicians spout every two or 4 years, because the simple fact that any of you believe any of that shit is proof positive that we can't be bothered. 

Then you've got the Red White And Blue wackos out there...these are your flag waving, America is the best, we can do no wrong, just say "freedom" and I'll vote for you. Well succinctly put, we're not the best. Sorry to tell you kids, but there are only two things that we are the best at. Buying really cool military toys, and eating. I'm not even sure we're the best at the latter. But there are very few objective measures in the world that we are number one in.

Defense spending #1

Education #17

Life expectancy #51

Obesity #18

Education Expenditures #60

Debt #1

And on and on the list could go. Needless to say, we're not #1 in much. But we think we are. Take it away Mr. Daniels.

Did you notice that heartbroken and embarrassed look on that girls face after he got done fucking her up?

Its about how all of us should feel. Little. Like we just got punched in the stomach. Like we just had the rug ripped out from under us.

The point is not who or what Snowden is, the point is that the U.S. government is spying on you! On you. Not on me, or some other faceless random person, or terrorist or criminal or anyone else. They are spying on you. Remember that when you pick up the phone, when you send an email, when you comment on this blog, and when you send your next sext message...

But you know what? Most of us are going to finish this sentence, and forget the whole fucking thing...