They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...

These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Aug 25, 2008

Dear Mom,

[First and foremost someone needs to make sure that my computer illiterate mother reads this entry, I don't really care who, just someone make sure that she sees this after I go...hint, hint, HINT]

Dear Mom,

I am sitting here across the hall from you worried about how you are going to deal with the next year with me being gone and in Afghanistan. There is really nothing that I can do to alleviate the fears that you have for the welfare of your eldest son. All I can really say that will mean much of anything is this...

I owe it all to you. None of this is possible without you. You gave me life. You educated me. You showed me how to be a man. You showed me who I am and where I come from. Nothing I have ever done, whether good or bad or indifferent would have been possible without your love and saving grace. I cannot even begin to express how much you mean to me and my life.

I love you with all my heart and will always. I will do everything in my power to ensure that I come home to you safe and sound. I would never dream of hurting you in any way. I will not be able to protect you from the pain you are about to endure with me being gone but rest assured I am thinking of you always.

Remember that everything happens for a reason, and I think that deep in your heart you more than understand the reasons that I volunteered for this. Never was any of this meant to hurt you, even though it did and will continue to do so until I come home.

Slowly but surely you have watched me grow into the man I am today and I think that I am a good one. Regardless of how many flaws that I have. All of this is thanks to you.

Remember all those basketball games when I was a kid and every time I made a basket I would look into the stands to make sure that you had seen me? I never have felt better than when I knew you were proud of me. I will make you proud of me once again.

The ordeal that stands before me is nothing compared to what you will have to endure wondering about what is happening and what I am doing and if I am OK. I will do whatever I can to make this easier on you.

But make no mistake about it. This is my last rodeo. I will have proven all that I need to prove and will have earned the respect that I need from who I need it from. There will be nothing left for me in the Army. So hopefully that makes you feel a little bit better.

So, every time you start to hurt and miss me, just think of all the fun we have had. Telling stories, watching me and the little brother getting drunk and acting stupid, watching basketball, football, and whatever games. Seeing me graduate from college, getting married and all that good stuff. And remember that I will be home soon, and if you can stand it, just flip on that CCR song "As Long As I Can See The Light" and know that there is no stronger light than the love between a mother and her son.

And so long as I can see the light, You're going to be fine, I am going to be fine, Everyone is going to be just fine...

Your Loving Son...

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