In order to show that I am not going to use this wonderful tool of the internet just to piss and moan about the military and other things, I am going to make this entry nothing but fun, but it will also piss and moan about the military and other things. So its like a two for one deal here. Twice the fun, half the reading. Hey, I'm here to help where and when I can!
The first part is going to be a collection of quotations taken from one of the single funniest military books I have ever read. "Murphy's Laws of Combat, The Warrior's Guide To Staying Alive in Battle" By Marion F. Sturkey. If you ever want to know just how goofy the military can be just read through the quotes in the book. It does have one drawback however, and that is that it was written by a Marine. Compiled really, since it is mostly a collection of quotes. I mean books and Marines? Really, do you expect me to believe that.
So this is just a random sampling from that book...
War does not decide who is right, war decides who is left.
Remember that diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice Doggie" until you can find a bigger rock.
The "Law of the Bayonet" says the guy with the bullets wins.
The raw intensity of a war story is inversely proportional to the combat experience of the storyteller. (a good way to identify wannabes and other non-combatants).
If the bad guys are shooting at you. It is a high intensity conflict.
Speak softly, but forget the big stick. Carry a belt-fed weapon.
If, suddenly, you find yourself in front of your unit in combat. They probably know something you don't.
(My personal favorite)
No matter what you do, the bullet with your name on it will get you. So, also, can random bullets addressed to "to whom it may concern" and shrapnel addressed to "occupant"
In a firefight, teamwork is essential. It gives the bad guys someone else to shoot at.
About 15% of an intelligence report will be accurate and relevant. The trick is figuring out which 15%.
THIS NEXT PART IS DEDICATED TO THE 3 YEARS I SPENT IN ARMY AVIATION. I FUCKING HATE HELICOPTERS...
The safest helicopter is the one that can barely kill you.
Any mechanical contraption that attempts to screw its way into the sky is doomed to failure.
At a small airport there are lots of old airplanes lying around, but you never see an old helicopter...think about it.
Flying in a helicopter is like masturbating. It may be fun at the time but it is nothing to brag about in public.
MURPHY'S LAWS ON WOMEN AND LOVE
Although money cannot buy love, it sure as hell can rent it for a while.
The younger the better, only wine improves with age.
Sex appeal is 10% what you have, and 90% what a woman thinks you have.
A vasectomy is never having to say you're sorry.
All women should be encouraged to use what Mother Nature gave them before Father Time takes it away.
Romance discriminates against the meek and the cautious.
Unfortunately, men never lust after women they can afford.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...of someone else.
The problem with women is that they lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
In the overall scheme of things, sex takes the least amount of time and causes the most fucking trouble.
The primary difference between a whining woman at the back door and a whining dog at the back door is that if you let them both inside, the dog will stop whining.
MURPHY'S TOP TEN RULES FOR WOMEN WHO LIVE WITH A MAN.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. Men need it up. You need it down. If it is up, put it down. You can do it if you try.
2. If you want something, fucking ask for it. Speak english. Routine hints will not work. Strong hints will not work.
3. Unless the house is on fire, only speak during commercials.
4. If a man asks you what is wrong and you say "nothing" the conversation is over. Live with it.
5. If you have a problem, men offer solutions. If you are looking for sympathy, call your girlfriends.
6. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Never ask, men are smart enough not to answer.
7. You have enough clothes.
8. You have too many shoes.
9. Men understand only three basic colors, like computer default settings. Pumpkin is a fruit, not a color. Peach is also a fruit, and whatever mauve may be it is not a color.
10. Do not pout, do not sulk, do not whine, and do not cry.
COULD IT BE LOVE...
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Love is the cruel delusion that one woman differs from the next.
A bachelor looks before he leaps, and does not leap.
A husband is what is left of a married man after his spirit dies.
Marriage is a lottery, except when you lose you have to keep the ticket.
Love is grand, divorce is a hundred grand.
Nevertheless, in marriage a horrible end, is better than horrors without end.
Well that was fun. So let me know what you think of all of that.