They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...

These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Aug 12, 2008

My Last Day of Work...

Today was my last day of work. No more, just get to spend the next two weeks or so sitting around and doing pretty much nothing except getting ready for this deployment. That and I'll most likely be drunk for the vast majority of that two weeks.

However, something happened to me last night that bothered me. Bothered me enough that I thought I might share it with you. What happened? Sometime during the course of the night, something inside of me decided that it didn't want the shift to end. Oh Dear Lord.

I have never thought like that in my life. I hate work. Especially government work. Pay is good, benefits are great, everyone loves a pension, but other than that being in the employ of the government is the worst form of masochism.

So I started interrogating myself as to why I was feeling like I didn't want the shift to end. (I didn't water board myself though) Maybe next time. And here is what I have come up with as far as explaining that insanity.

The end of work is just another landmark in the "time horizon" (Bush B.S.) until I leave for Afghanistan at the end of this month. Getting off of work today and by default for the next year or so, was just one more thing in a long line of things that remind me that I am on my way out the door in a couple of weeks.

I actually dreaded finishing work today. All it meant was that another 8 hours had ticked off the clock and I was that much closer to being in deep shit...(sorry mom, sometimes profanity is necessary.)

I don't know what is going to happen and that is the worst part of it all, the uncertainty. I mean I could be going to someplace that never gets attacked, has running water, air conditioned sleeping areas, hot food three times a day, internet and phone hook ups, and all the comforts of home.

Then again, I could be going somewhere that will keep me in full battle rattle (Army slang for "all your gear") all day and night. Will keep me patrolling for days at a time, and will make sure that I fire my weapon in anger quite a few times. All the while I'll be dirty, smelly, and basically funky.

Then there is always the in between areas which are simply a sampling of both extremes. But I have no idea where I am going to fall. But I am going to find out, and now I am going to find out 8 hours sooner...

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