They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...

These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Oct 13, 2008

Colony O' Dickbags...

I swear to everything holy that this company makes me want to kick kittens into a blender.

The aforementioned quote is courtesy of non other than PVT Pigpen (credit will be given where credit is due.)

So anyways, they came up with a whole new bag of douche today. Now prior to leaving our FOB we have to test fire our weapons on command. Now this is incredibly annoying due to the fact that we have enough shit to do in the morning and now we have to wait for our NCO's to pull their shit together long enough to get us all into a line and walk us through the loading and firing of our weapons. This makes me laugh if for no other reason than the fact that shortly we will be in a combat zone with some of the most advanced weapons in the world and we will be actually fighting a trained, motivated, and determined enemy. But we can't manage to handle our weapons when they are loaded with blanks, so they have to stand over us like children but whatever...

Next on the depressing list of developments is the fact that the one attractive female we have in this company has a mustache. I mean since I saw it she must've shaved it or waxed it or whatever the hell you ladies do to your mustaches, but I still can't see anything but that hairy mess on her upper lip. I mean, as long as I have the internet I'll be fine, but it was still nice scenery. Scenery ruined by the rather unfortunate development of man face. Pigpen says he'd still hit it. But that doesn't mean much...

Now onto the training we conducted today. God bless First Army. The trainers are from a unit called First Army. They wear a patch that is just a big A which we have determined does not stand for Army, it is nothing more than one large ASSHOLE. As the entire unit is a rather large bag of smashed assholes.

But today is Columbus day, federal holiday, 99% of the non-deployed Army is off today. But since we are mobilizing there will be none of that for us, and none of that for First Army's trainers because we need to be properly trained for our looming deployment to Afghanistan. However, the trainers from First Army had beer and BBQ's to get to so they could not be bothered to blow us up properly. The funniest part is all we have heard from these pricks since we got here is that they train us to standard not to time, however when beer and burgers are involved they kick us off the range at 1500. But I am not complaining that much it worked out for me.

Now we are sitting here waiting on the pizza guy from main post. It costs like $30 for a large pizza because the guy has to drive all the way out here. But at least I'll be enjoying my fatty pie in a few minutes. That is until the US Army drops its next bag of shit on my doorstep.

Love you mom...


  1. I've been without internet access for quite a while so I just caught up with all of your September and October posts to date. Excellent stuff.

    I really appreciate your taking the time to fill us in on your mobilization process. The usual Army bullshit, but it's still good to know that people like you are ready to put up with this crap to lay it on the line in Afghanistan.

    Finally people are beginning to realize that there is a war going on there and good people are dying.

    I'm very thankful for what you are about to embark on. Stay as safe as you can. I wish you and all those who serve with you all the best.

  2. mudpie... I missed this post when I logged on earlier...sorry! Let it be known while 99% of our fed employees enjoyed a day off, the guys who count most, did not get a day off. You and PigPen are on the top of my hero list :)
    Thank you!

    ~AirmanMom returning to her blog...