They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...

These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Jan 11, 2009

Your Questions, Answered...I Think...

Alright, In my last post I asked you guys to ask me some questions. About anything really. I asked you that mostly because with me being on guard most of the time nothing really funny or interesting is happening so I had to find something to write about or risk becoming a bore. So here are your questions and my answers to them.

Airman Mom

1. What is the morale of my unit? Depends on when you catch us and what members of our leadership is around. For the most part it is shit. But we put on a good facade when the bosses are around due to the simple fact that they don't really care if we have good morale or not they just want us to say that we do and make sure we tell everyone else that we do. They function on the age old principle of "The beatings will continue until morale improves."

2. Is there a particular smell that will always remind you of this deployment? Good question, I don't think that there is any one smell that could possibly describe how badly everything here stinks. I think it will be the combinations of horrid smelling things that we come up with around here to describe the actual smell that will stick with me the most. Some examples, kitty litter and ass, rotten eggs and diesel, anchovies asshole and 3 day old fish, and things like that.

However, the epitome of deployment smells is, and has always been, the wonderfully disgusting smell of burning shit. 5 gallons of diesel and a can of GI shit, light it up and you have the epitome of deployment smells.

3. Would I do it again? Yep, in a nano second. Matter of fact after all I have seen here and all I could be doing and we as a military could be doing that we are not I think I am going to have some unfinished business here. So I think I might have to go on home and get me a little bit of rank so that the next time I come here I can actually make some kind of a difference in not only the Afghani's lives, but also that of the soldiers around me.


1. Do I work with Air Force guys? Well Steve, I would like to extend a hearty welcome to you, albeit early, to the suck. However, I don't really work with Air Force guys. My experience with them is limited to talking to them on the radio as they fly 8000 feet overhead providing air support while I drive around this shithole.


1. If I were President what would I do? Send every soldier in Iraq here, then completely close the Pakistani border. Build a school for Afghani's at every corner. Pepper the mountains with battalions of GI's and hunt these pricks down and kill every last one of them (Taliban). Then I would build a highway (paved) from every village to the big cities. And a million other things but those are the main ones. Maybe I'll answer that more in depth some time soon.

2. Am I getting much news? Nope, mostly because I ignore it. This place is depressing enough without watching the news.

3. Do I blog from a computer lab? Sort of, I write my shit on my own computer in my barracks room, and then I take it on a disk over to the computer lab and put it up.

4. Can I describe my living quarters? Sure, concrete building with crumbling concrete floors, to the point where it is mostly a dirt floor. Concrete exterior walls and plywood interior walls peppered with graffiti from all the guys who have lived here in the past. There are 2 bunk beds in each room but luckily we have enough space that only 2 guys have to live in most rooms. The bunks are made of wood, and we have whatever shelves we could scrounge up from the scrap wood piles and build for ourselves. Other than that they are just covered in ACU pattern clothes and weapons and other military shit that we have to keep track of. We actually got it pretty good as far as living quarters are concerned.

5. Did we get our warm clothing? Nope still haven't got it but we all had a shit ton of stuff sent from home to keep us warm and we have been alright, we were blessed with a decidedly mild winter.

6. Women in combat? I am an MP and we have women around that do all the same shit that I do. Getting shot at and blown up and the lot of it. Whatever we do they do. Some of them are better at it than most of us are anyways. Now they don't serve in the actual combat arms jobs but in this war everyone gets into the mix sooner or later. Unless they are fobbits of course.

As far as the women are concerned and their "skankiness". To tell you the truth I could care less what they do, and who they do it with. I mean I can't really blame them. If I was someplace where the females outnumbered guys like 4 to 1, I would be taking full advantage of that.

Kasper's Sister.

7. Sorry, I have no idea how to ship things here from England. We only have one address so that is probably the only way to get it here. (And your message has been delivered)

8. My rating scale for women? I go with the "beer" scale. It's time tested and has been proven accurate again and again. Goes like this.

Guy One: How many beers till you would hit that? (Referring to a girl)

Guy Two: One Case!

Meaning that the girl in question is not at all attractive. The less the number of beers the more attractive said female is.

How many guys cheat on their wives? Some of their wives may read this, so NONE!

How many to a room? Anywhere from 2 to 4.

Are the shitters heated? Yes, and that makes it worse. At least in winter the shit would freeze and wouldn't smell as much but with heated shitters we have to go to do our business in what has become nothing more than a shit oven. Fun for us.

Library? Nope, only what I get from the mom, and my friends and family, and all of you guys.

Air Force? Not a one.

Ignorant Redneck.

My intestines are fine. The food actually isn't horrible. I would feed it to a dog so I guess I can deal with it.

Do the mountains eat our tires? I got to admit for the most part they hold up pretty well. The mountains put a little bit more wear and tear on the tires but it is the exploding roads that really fuck up the tires. Know what I mean?

7.62 or 5.56? Good question, I would have to say that our 5.56 rifles win on accuracy but on rate of fire and power the 7.62 wins. Not to mention the 7.62 rifles don't require as much maintenance and we all know that the most terrifying sound a soldier can hear is "click"


Yep, we still have someone burning the shit. Except now we have the locals do it. Only problem is the smell still wafts all over the place and we still get stuck with it when we fuck up.

Well folks, there you have it, your questions answered. I hope. If you have anymore bring them on. I could use the inspiration, guard cycle is boring as sin, but at least the roads don't explode here.

I am done for now, but check below I finished up the "Grandma, sit down until Frank is done singing" post.


I love you mom...


  1. mudpuppy...Great post! You did such a nice job thoroughly answering each question. I found it enlightening. If you don't mind...I'll keep tossing questions at you from time to time!
    Stay Strong!
    Pray Hard!

    ~AirmanMom returning to her blog...

  2. Mud Puppy,

    My son may deploy to Afghanistan this year. What are the three most important things, to bring, or know, or to expect?


  3. Mud Puppy,

    Regarding your #3 comment to AM. I applaud you for your comment. I hope you do back to the states and get that rank so you can, if you wish, go back and make a difference. That is what America and part of this war is all about, giving the opportunity to makes choices. GO FOR IT!!!


  4. May I just say that I love you? I mean, I don't know who you are, and yet I have discovered a little of who you are by reading your blog, and you are the kind of guy I so admire. If only you were 30 years older, and in America. ;)

    I have a son-in-law who will soon be in Afghanistan, I am told, from the 82nd Airborne. I am going to try to talk him into blogging like you're doing so we really get the truth of life over there.

    My best, warmest hugs for you and hopes for your safe return to the land you love so much. Until then, I thank you for your most generous service, and I will read you often.


  5. I love CCR!
    I have one question; What the hell is man Thursdays?

  6. Dear Mudpuppy, Thank you so much for the answers. It sure helps me picture things better. You write so pretty. Thank you for taking the time. We so need educating back here. Please keep blogging and writing.

    Do you wear infrared night vision goggles during night guard duty?

    I hope all those schools you suggested get built, but do you see a time when guys like you could teach in Afghani schools?

  7. Mud?

    I love CCR....However I have one for you and your crew. A logic test you all will like.

    Take these four numbers 9,9,9,9 using your math skills the sum equals 100.

    Got it? Easy duty math...

    Good luck!


  8. mudpuppy,

    This is a terrific post and I enjoyed learning more about what you are doing and how things are going for you.

    I hope that you do get the rank so you can make a difference over there. What a terrific goal.

    I have a question. I am from Ontario and I'm wondering if you're near any Canadian soldiers?

    Take care, my friend. Be safe, pray hard and know I am praying for you and all the other heroes there.


  9. Dan;

    Man Thursdays. Inquiring Minds at the Post want to know;

    Is that a Gay reference ?!?


  10. Do you think the Afghan people people apprieciate why you (military) are there? Are the bad guys from Afghanistan or mainly other places? Lastly, is it worth it in your opinion to continue to fight the war on terrorism? I believe it is but I am not fighting.

    Take care and stay safe!

    p.s. Oh do tell, Man Thurdays


  11. Have been trying to keep up with your blog. Know you and the soldiers are in my daily prayers. I really learned a lot from this post about what it is like over there. Thank you for being there.

  12. The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 01/13/2009 News and Personal dispatches from the front and the home front.