They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...

These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Dec 14, 2009

One Drag Queen+House Music=My Take On People Today...

Alright, so I've told you in the past that I think that the vast majority of people are not worth the air and food it takes to keep them alive. Or maybe I haven't but that's it, that's the way I feel about a lot of people. Probably at least 90% of the human population today. It can go as high as 99.99% depending on when you catch said people.

First of all there's the drag queen. The six foot blonde Mexican that lives next door to me. Its got the whole package, skin tight dress, long blonde hair, nice rack, and a penis...

Then there's the house music (which I didn't know people even listened to anymore). Could've sworn that shit was outlawed along with Kid N' Play in 1996. But apparently this stuff still exists, and drag queens love it. And they like to play it, at insane decibel levels, in the apartment next to mine, until the wee hours of the morning.

So I went over there at 1:30 a.m. I was pissed, I wanted to sleep. I beat on the door like a cop. I assume they looked out and saw that I wasn't a cop and decided not to answer the door. I know for a fact there is no way they didn't hear me at the door, because I damn near unhinged the thing beating on it. I mean I started out just knocking, but between the music and my anger level I couldn't control myself all that long.

Woe is me, no answer. What to do? I know, call the cops...they fix things.

Called the cops, they came, talked to the drag queen, told it to tone the party down. They left, walking right past my door, almost falling over their own feet laughing about the appearance of my neighbor.

It toned it down, for about as long as it took for the parking lot to become bacon free.

Then it went right back up. And the aforementioned series of events was repeated.

With no result, until they finally decided to pack it up at 4:30 a.m. Normally, I don't really care about stuff like this. I'd usually be pretty pissed that I couldn't go to the party. However, tonight I'm tired.

But no consideration. For me, for the other people in the building, the cops, or anyone but themselves. Not an ounce of common courtesy in them. Or anyone else for that matter it seems.

How many times have you seen some punk dude, not hold the door open for an old lady?

How many times have you had to listen to a bunch of teenage girls talking on their cell phones right in the middle of a store at maximum volume?

How many times have you seen someone rush to get to the front of the line at the store and damn near knock everyone else over?

When was the last time someone offered to help you into the house with all your shit from the grocery store?

When was the last time some kid came over and shoveled an old couple's driveway after the first snow of the year? (I didn't volunteer but the mom always made me do this. I ended up shoveling 2 driveways and a block's worth of sidewalk because of her!)

And on and on and on...

I almost lost it once and became a felon when my mother walked into a department store to buy a birthday present for my cousin. My mom's a big lady, no way around it. I love her to death but she's no light weight. And my cousin, at the time anyway, was a 110 pound waif. Not to mention my mom was like 50 at the time and my cousin was maybe 26 or 27. So it was one of those fashionable stores that young chicks like.

So anyway, mom and I walk in. Girl walks right up to my mom and says, "Ma'am, we don't have anything here that would fit you!"

Completely flabbergasted. (Yep, I know that word, of course I'm not quite sure I used it right) my mom and I turned around and left and she had to spend the next 10 or so minutes convincing me not to kick the little bitch's ass. I do believe there are exceptions to the hitting a woman rule. Like when they deserve it!

So where am I going with this? What happened to common courtesy? Why is it that I am still terrified that my mother will jump out from behind a corner and belt me one if I didn't open the door for a woman, regardless of age, to include toddlers.

Please and thank you. As long as they aren't family, its a requirement.

Yes Ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir. The army beat that one into my skull.

Helping old ladies...that one just comes natural, if I do say so myself.

Knowing that the things I do affect others, and knocking it the fuck off when it affects them negatively. Dear old mom beat that one into me...with a belt.

Without sounding like I am tooting my own horn. I was taught the right way to do things. Apparently, teaching the right way of doing things isn't a real high priority anymore.

However, I do have a solution. (The following is a joke, but it just might work)

Someone once said, "An armed society is a polite society."

Require handguns to be owned and carried by every American citizen old enough to drive.

Make breaches of etiquette punishable.

By the person who was offended.

By allowing them to whip out their weapon and put a bullet in your ass.

You name on kid who wouldn't hold the door for granny if he feared her taking aim at him from behind her coke bottle glasses, with her shaky hands and putting a round right in his ass!

I'm telling you, you can't tell me you wouldn't love the idea of being able to shoot someone dead in the ass for pushing you out of the way on their way to a doorbuster deal on black Friday.

Well, it'll never happen but I can dream, can't I?

But its worth some thought, it could be fun. But until we get there, teach your and everyone else's kids some manners will ya?


I love you Mom...


  1. MP, I'm not sure why the world evolved as it has....I do know it is sad. I witness first-hand every day, the rudeness being taught by parents. Respect is not taught and I don't understand why. Kids drop and break things, and the parent scurries them away...without an offer to pay for what was broken or an offer to clean their mess. We give away candy canes...whatever happened taking just one, so there will be some for the next child?
    Not a day goes by, that I am not tempted to drag a parent to the parking lot and try to kick some commmon sense up their butt. Can't they see the future they are creating?
    Good thing, I'm not armed...I'd be serving my 25 to life!
    Tis the season to be jolly?
    Tis the season of giving?
    Tis the season of kindness?

  2. Armed society=polite society used to be the case. See: European society from oh, 1500 to 1900. People were very, very, very, very polite (and careful not to insult each other) because the nobility carried swords and the lower classes carried knives, and society thought it was perfectly fine to physically challenge someone if you were insulted. Women got out of this, to a degree, but the culture of politeness had an effect on them, too. There's a good book called A History of Murder by Pieter Spierenburg (probably need a college library to find it, it's academic) if you're curious.

    There were side effects to that kind of culture, but some days I wouldn't mind them if it let me challenge nitwits to a duel . . .

  3. You do realize that, as you said, you were only pissed that you couldn't go to the party. Which means that if it was a party full of Sorority girls next door you would have had not problem with it...

    As far as your rules on rudeness, I think you have one part wrong: In my house, it is especially important for family. The more close contact you have with each other, the easier it is to rub each other the wrong way. The please/thank your routine helps to keep things polite, especially when the 3yo is throwing another tantrum.

    As for the salesgirl, I suspect she panicked. It would have done all of you some good to get some closure on the matter by pointing out to here that she was being rude, that you were in there for her cousin, and that regardless, that kind of response is not appropriate.

    Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold.

  4. Hi MP,
    Good story. Funny too. (Unless of course it was my walls vibrating with house music at 4AM) Doesn't matter who lives next door, some people have a wanton disregard for the feelings and or boundaries of others. They are generally selfish, self-aggrandizing people who have a well developed sense of entitlement that enables them to run rough shod over others with no thought to the pain and discomfort they may cause.

    Why would they worry about manners? These people are only focused on their own world and how they can get everyone in it to revolve around them and their needs. What kind of children will these people then raise? The answer to that question is a lot of disrespectful heathens who will continue to perpetuate the same rude behaviors they have witnessed in their parents.

    It sounds like your Mom did her best to bring you up with good manners. Keep holding doors, helping old ladies, and shoveling snow, there are a lot of good people in this world and you are one of them. Kindness is much needed today and always. I believe rude people are basically miserable and unhappy. Their outward disregard for others is a reflection on the darkness in their souls. Take care Dan. I hope you are finding your way in this crazy world. Don't let it get a good man down.

  5. well i am happy to say that in the last month i have been taken by surprise by to young men who offered to help me. One I met at the bottom of my stairs, we were both going up, with 3 bags of groceries and he said "let me help you" and took 2 of the bags. The other was in the grocery store and I was reaching on a top shelf and could not get the item. He was talking on his cell, he stopped his conversation turned to me "excuse me, can i reach that for you" I was so stunned I could hardly say yes, thank you....and I'm not some young, cute chick anymore. Politeness, manners are taught in the home and we always had to say "yes, please" "yes, thank you" etc. You just have to keep modeling good behavior.....but yes there are times I would love to shoot someone in the ass!

  6. When states began passing concealed weapon laws, my punk nephew thought it was horrible. I just laughed at him and said, "I bet you will think twice about messing with someone now."

    I am glad that I live in the country - noisy neighbors are few and far between.

  7. Funny hubby received his concealed weapons permit not long ago. I asked if he would go to the grocery store for me and he was happy to go. He came into the living room and I saw him checking himself out in the mirror and smiled at him. He asked, "Can you see it?", I said, "See what?". He was so eager to wear his concealed weapon, he was going to wear to the grocery store! Then, the sweet man said, "Don't worry, I don't have the bullets in it!". LOL

  8. People are more or less polite depending on your location in the country. I've found the middle and southern states to have better manners, although with that said...

    My argument against lack of etiquette resolve concerning firearms for old ladies...

    When 75 year-old Dementia Dorris whips out her baby D-eagle and pulls the trigger til it goes click because someone stole her backup mags... only to realize she used them earlier on the other kid who did...

    I'd run like a madman from old people moving towards doorways.

    Drag queens on the other hand, work out a lot. It's best to get them after they've nearly OD'd on amyl nitrate... (which may also be the cause of the excessively loud house music as they are prone to fainting under such circumstances and loud music may help them maintain consciousness during hefty bouts of bitch-slapping, sword-swallowing, and semi-professional pink-sockification)

    *sidenote* The miss fire island contest in NY tends to be a lot of fun... (once you get over the smell of AIDS in the air)