They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...


These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Mar 30, 2011

The Magic Bullet...

So lately I’ve been having some anger issues. I didn’t really think all that much of it at first. I pretty much ignored it and I was fine with that, because well I’m a guy and that’s what we do. We ignore our problems. Particularly our emotional ones.

However, after a little while my girlfriend started to notice and being that she is a female and completely incapable of letting me wallow in my own stupidity, she started to get on me about it.

I can’t complain. She just wanted me to be happy and I can’t say that I’m pissed about that. Having a woman around who is genuinely concerned about making me happy is quite an advantage to have. Most guys I know have got a woman who thinks that so long as she’s happy, then he is to. But that’s a post for another time.

Anyway, I started to think increasingly about my anger. Where the hell was it coming from? What is causing this? Blah, blah, blah.

No answers. I mean there’s always the old stand by of “its the war, man” which in some cases is kinda nice due to the fact I can blame Afghanistan for any little twitch I decide to have. Makes being a moody motherfucker a bit easier.

So after a few weeks of not being able to come up with anything resembling a solution and totally pissing off this wonderful woman who is graciously putting up with my shit, I decided to go for the throat with this problem.

I called the MOM.

I know, I know, say what you will about a 32 year old man who still goes straight to his mother with his problems. I don’t care because she is in fact, the magic bullet!

So she called one night and I laid it all out for her. The job, my life in general and all that I thought was pissing me off and turning me into a Styx song.

She listened patiently, gave me some audible feedback here and there to let me know she hadn’t fallen asleep, and when I was done she threw it right back at me.

You know, the past few years you haven’t been yourself. You know you’ve been dealing with so much and you’ve become someone you’re not. You are trying all these anger management techniques and you went to see some hippy shrink that didn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground and you keep trying to find all these soft, lifeless solutions to your problems.

That’s not you kid. Never has been. You remember when you were a kid and you were still in diapers?

No, mom I don’t seem to remember that.

Well, you went out to play one day in your diaper and the kids in the neighborhood made fun of you because you were a baby and wearing a diaper. You came in that day and told me that you weren’t going to wear diapers anymore. I told you that you had to go in the potty like a big boy and you said that was okay, so long as you didn’t have to wear diapers anymore. And from that day forward you never wore a diaper again. You see what I’m talking about?

Nope, sorry mom, not getting it at all. (And I’m kinda chuckling at the fact that I got to use the word “potty” and the phrase “big boy” in this post.

Okay, you don’t do soft solutions. You like to fight. You always have. Its just who you are. You need someone or something to fight against. It gives you purpose. It gives you a reason. It sorts the world out for you. You look at the world and you see friend and foe. Whether it be your job, your anger, or anything else for that matter. You make a decision, good or bad, right or wrong, and you run with it. Except lately you haven’t been that guy anymore.

Its simple, you’re not made to think any other way. Most people want peace in their minds. And you do too. The difference is that there is only peace in your mind when there is something to fight against. When there is a war to be won. Otherwise, you’re just drifting, you have no purpose and that makes you crazy...and angry.

So figure out what you’re going to fight. Figure out who or what the enemy is. And then kill it. Then find the next one. That’s how you are going to find peace.

Nice.

Thanks Mom.

Worked like a charm.

Magic bullet.

I love you Mom...