They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...

These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Nov 27, 2012

New Spot...

Sorry to say kids, I've kind of outgrown "Blogger" and am moving on to a platform more comensurate with my skill set.

Here's the link


Nov 25, 2012

Notre Dame our Mother, PRAY FOR US...

The title of this post is something I remember hearing in "Rudy". You remember that flick? You know, the one where the kid moved heaven and earth to play for the Irish and he ended up making it into the game for one whole play about 40 years ago and got an entire movie made about him.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm jealous of the guy. He played at Notre Dame and got a movie made about him. Which is pretty impressive. I am by no means demeaning his life. I'm just naturally a smart ass.

Now Rudy has got reason to celebrate. His alma mater is going to the BCS national title game in Florida in about 6 weeks. They're playing for the big ring, the top prize, and whatever other cliches you can think of for the championship.

Let me get a few things straight right off the bat:
  1. I like Notre Dame
  2. I would like to see them win the game.
  3. I have never attended Notre Dame in any capacity
  4. I have never even set foot on the campus
  5. Closest I've got is posting pictures of Touchdown Jesus to piss off USC and BC fans
Now we all know that Notre Dame is the most well known university in the world, football wise. They are easily the most storied football program in history. Sorry anybody who roots for the SEC, you can't hold a candle to a team that Jesus LITERALLY watches over.

I told you all of that to tell you this:

We've all got to get some perspective on life kids. And this doesn't just apply to college football, it applies to any sport. 

The team you cheer not who you are.

The team you cheer not infallible.

The team you cheer for...should never be referred to using the pronoun "we". For example, "We need to put some points on the board!" Sorry dipshit, Notre Dame or Alabama or Clemson, or Michingan, or Charlie's Steamrollers from the after work softball league down at the Y need to put some points on the board.

People live and die with this shit. And the funny part is many people who are crazies about their respective team have never even attended the school they are losing their mind over weekly. If you think I'm kidding check this guy out.

Perspective kids.

You are not your favorite football team. They should have no bearing on your mood or whether you have a good day or bad.

Watch, cheer, if they win...gloat (a little). If they lose, shrug it off. Because at the end of the day, you didn't do a fucking thing.

Sometimes I think its a disease. SPECTATORITIS

Maybe if everyone weren't so busy checking scores and who's banging who on we'd have a long enough attention span to realize just how bad we're being fucked by the upper 1%

Think about it.

Oh, and to be fair, I can be just as bad as most guys. Except my teams are the Chicago Bears, the Chicago White Sox, the Chicago Blackhawks.

Nov 19, 2012

Lewis Black and Twinkies...

Saturday November 17, 2012. Lewis Black played the Chicago Theater downtown. I was there. In the very back row, but I was there. And he was hilarious.

A few of his thoughts to share with you today:

  1. Ohio doesn't really mean anything, Ohio is just Indiana looking at itself in the mirror.
  2. Since I've been eleven years old you can draw a line from every decision I've ever made straight to pussy.
  3. Where was Tiger Woods Conceived? A Black Thai Affair
  4. Fucking government. I mean really, with this deficit and debt its astounding. I mean really 16 trillion? Did someone forget to carry a 2 somewhere?
  5. Obamacare is a bullshit term, there is no Obamacare. It is not the care and feeding of an Obama!
  6. I currently have 1,993 channels. Exactly 1,990 more than I had as a kid, and oddly enough the same amount of shit to watch.
  7. Fuck Facebook! Its nothing more than a glorified yearbook, except we're all in the same grade.
Those were the ones that made it into my notebook while I was there. On another note, it is quite funny to see the reactions of people as they are negotiating any social situation when you whip out a little notebook and start writing. Try it. Its almost as funny as facing the rear of an elevator.

Moving on.

Its now time to say goodbye to twinkies. At least Hostess twinkies. Hostess went under. Filed for bankruptcy. What's the first thing I heard? I heard that its all the union's fault. They wanted too much money so the company went under and now we can't have twinkies.

Couple things. 

A. You'll still get twinkies. Part of that company is the recipe for twinkies. Some other rich cocksucker will buy the recipe and mass produce twinkies to sell to the ever expanding waistlines of the sheeple. So don't worry, they'll be back. Only difference is they'll probably say "Made In Bangledesh" on them.

Second thing. Let's talk about this blaming the union thing.

First of all, there was never any mention of executives or senior managers taking pay cuts. Only union bakers and employees. To be fair, a few executives took pay at $1 per year. Right until the company had enough cash to pay them. Now why didn't they keep doing that when the ship was going under?

Hostess requested permission from the bankruptcy court to pay 1.75 million in bonuses to senior managers in the liquidation. FUCKING WHAT?????

These parasites have the nerve to ask to give bonuses when they are pitching 18,500 employees out on their asses? Oh yeah, they've got the balls. Now could someone please kick them in them.

Plus, some of the executives received raises of up to 80% while the company was struggling.

You can argue all you like. The fact is executives, on average, make about 231 times what the worker bees make. Now that my friends, is a travesty.

Close the company, give ourselves raises while the ship is sinking, and right before the whole fucking thing goes under we're going to flip the loyal destroyers another 1.75 million as a parting gift. Workers? What about them? Fuck them, they'll be there for me to tread on when I demolish and loot the next company.

I wonder how many salaries that 1.75 million could've paid?
I wonder how many salaries those 80% raises could've paid?

Maybe someday, people will realize that this company collapsed under the weight of executive salaries and executive missteps. Not union wages.


Nov 14, 2012


Alright, so yesterday I gave this very topic a bit of a brush off. Basically saying that people who think they can seceed from the union are at best a bunch of yahoos, and at worst civil war agitators.

Now I get up today and start going through what I call "Cannon Fodder" also known as the "news" and I see that this secession shit is all over the place. I've read anywhere from 27 to 47 states have filed secession petitions on and You can check out all the petitions here.

Let's be honest. We all know that these petitions are going nowhere and the idea that a state would be allowed to peacefully leave the union was rather noisily put to bed in the 1860's. These petitions have garnered many signatures. Enough to elicit a response from the White House. Which as yet, hasn't come.

However, it should be forthcoming. The rule on is that if a petition reaches 25,000 signatures within 30 days it requires a response from the President's Office. Which, the Texas petition has reached that threshold. I am intensely interested in what the President has to say about this.

Now that we've the facts and figures of this little non-debate out of the way, I'm going to run down why I think this is bullshit.
  1. This debate, if it can be called that is totally counterproductive. What's the point? Is it symbolic? What's the symbolism? Are you trying to convince people that you're a disloyal idiot? Taking Texas as an example, patriotism is big down there. Military service is big too. The pledge of allegiance, the national anthem and the stars and stripes. Now the country elects a guy you don't like and you want out? Little hypocritical if you ask me. I love this country, I love our representative democracy and our right to vote, but if we elect someone I don't like, well then fuck it, we'll seceed.
  2. It shows a complete lack of intellectual awareness. The Civil War put to bed the idea of secession as a viable political maneuver. The pledge of allegiance states, One Nation Indivisible. Indivisible is a fairly clear term. Not divisible.
  3. Supporting this kind of thing marginalizes you as a political force. You advocate secession, which basically throws our country back 150 years, and you are stupid and haven't learned a thing from history. Simple as that. These arguments have no place in an intelligent debate. Making them takes you out of the debate and turns you into a radical. And once you've been marginalized you won't have any affect whatsoever on the political process.
That's how I look at it. Simply put, you advocate secession, then you're a dipshit not worth the air and food it takes to keep you alive. But air is free so you can keep on breathing, and food, you're on your own there. I'm sure you can find a government program to feed you, so hopefully you can eat with two teeth.

How about we focus on productive arguments and debate? Instead of lunatic ideas that have no chance of gaining any traction. Besides, and I keep coming back to this, you (secessionists) do realize that you sound like a spoiled child who didn't get his way. So please, unless you are going to add something productive to the conversation, please shut the fuck up!

Two fun facts for your consideration: (You can check my facts at Literacy Texas)
  1. Texas ranks 47 out of 50 in English literacy rates.
  2. Texas has slipped to last in percentage of its adults who hold high school diplomas or GED's.
Everything's bigger in Texas, especially the dumbass...

Nov 13, 2012

The Democratic Republic of Texas...

I'm sure you've heard by now that some citizens of Texas have started a petition to peacefully remove Texas from the union and become their own nation.

The explanation on their petition reads like this...
Given that the state of Texas maintains a balanced budget and is the 15th largest economy in the world, it is practically feasible for Texas to withdraw from the union, and to do so would protect it's citizens' standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers which are no longer being reflected by the federal government.
Now don't get me wrong. There are some things in there that make perfect sense. Texas is the 15th largest economy in the world. I would really like to know how much of that is federal government money flowing through the state, but I digress. They do maintain a balanced budget, but I'd like to know how much federal aid is in that budget.

And they think they can withdraw from the union and become their own country.

Maybe they're right. I don't really much care one way or the other about Texas. I don't live there, I didn't like it when I did live there, and I hate the fucking Cowboys with an ungodly passion.

Now there's about 40 of these petitions floating around. And the Texas one has garnered over 80,000 signatures as of this afternoon. Now if you ask me, this is some supremely childish bullshit.

Withdraw from the Union? Are you out of your fucking mind? I'd be a lot more amenable to a wall separating the U.S.A. and Texas. This is like a 3 year old stomping his feet and pouting because his guy didn't win.

That's what this is. Sore losers. Obama and the 50+ percent of the nation that voted for him won. And these Texans lost. So now they want to take their ball and run to another nation. Now we all know this is a pointless gesture. I mean anyone who thinks that Texas could really leave the union forgets a few things.

There's 18 military installations that I can count in Texas. And anyone who's been to Fort Hood knows that place is a monster. Not to mention all the Federal Prisons in Texas. And we could go on and on. Basically what I'm saying is, Texas, like most states, would feel severe if not crippling economic consequences if the U.S. government were suddenly removed from the equation.

I'm wondering where Texas gets its water?
I'm wondering whre Texas got its roads?
I'm wondering how much federal aid Texas spends each year?
I'm wondering how much $$$ the federal military installations pump into Texas' economy every year?
I'm wondering who the dumb fuck that wrote that petition up is, and where did he find 80,000 dumber fucks to follow him?

Regardless of your politics, nothing is solved by stomping your feet and throwing a tantrum because you don't like the outcome of an election. Since this election the freedom loving Republicans are the ones who are screaming and whining the most. Here's my question, the system worked. It did what it was supposed to. It held a campaign, an election, and it counted the votes. Now since you don't like the guy who won you're going to make everything difficult?

Thankfully, there's 25 million people in Texas so 80,000 is only like 0.3% of the population. But c'mon Texas. That's a whole lot of dumbass in one place.

Either way, when you wake up tomorrow there will still be 50 states. So pretty much nothing written here or in that petition matters at all. I think we should concentrate on more productive pursuits. What'dya think?

Nov 8, 2012

Something To Believe In...

Oh, Lord above. Gimmie something to believe in.

Yes, yes I invoked a glam 80's hair band, and I'm going to talk politics. You got a problem with that?

So I watched a documentary called "Politcracy" this evening and not only was it thought provoking and interesting but it finally put words to things that I think most of us have felt for quite some time.

Washington, Congress, the Presidency and our country's government in general have been broken for quite some time. They've been gridlocked for the recent past, and there is no end in sight to that gridlock. You've got the loony left and the radical right pulling at the same budget strings and they're pulling so hard that sooner or later the whole thing is just going to come tumbling down.

I don't know about you but I don't want to be around for that, but I've got news for you folks, I'm 34 years old and its most likely coming in my lifetime.

I think that's a premise that can't really be argued with. Congress, the President and our government in general don't work. Agreed? If so, keep reading. If not, please feel free to catch the next flight to Xenu and tell Mr. Hubbard I said hello.

Now this documentary went through the usual suspects. Dysfunctional partisanship, wacko political activists, and the corrupting influence of money. All valid points. Once again, being that I am a rational human being who isn't so much interested in your beliefs, I want to know what you can or have gotten done. Actual measurable accomplishments. I want you to work. I want to work. I have a to do list a mile long. I check shit off it everyday. I progress in my life daily. I do work in order to further the quality of my own life. In short, I work at it. Whatever it is, professional, personal, financial, romantic, or whatever the hell else pursuit I decide to pursue. I take rational steps in order to accomplish the goals that I have set.

Here's the kicker. Sometimes a personal goal I have set, like say for instance, going on one of those cattle drive vacations (a la City Slickers), conflicts with another one of my goals, in this case a financial one, which say, for the sake of argument is to save $5,000 over the course of the next 12 months. Now I know that the way that I currently live my life accomplishing both of those goals is impossible. One of two things, or a combination of things will have to happen in order for me to do both. I will have to either spend less money, take a less expensive vacation, or I will have to make more money by putting in some overtime. I'll have to compromise some actions in order to accomplish my goals.

That last sentence is the biggest thing I think we have forgotten in this wonderful land of ours. Compromise. I have to compromise one or both of my goals to accomplish what I want to get done. I can't have it both ways. I don't get my cake and eat it too. It just doesn't work that way.

Now take that and apply it to the grand scale that is our Nation's congress. These men and women are presented with the monumental task of governing over 300 million people. I'm thinking that some give and take would be in order to pull that shit off. But I digress.

So, mercifully, there is a group out there who's soul purpose is to work towards forcing this carnival of fools to compromise.

They've got a website! Of course, doesn't everyone. I mean for Christ Sake I've got a website. Anyway, here's the link.

Now they've laid out a 12 point plan to make that happen. Oh, sweet merciful Lord I love these ideas. I hope you do too. So I'm just going to lay them out here, give you a quick one or two sentence commentary and then move right along. Hopefully, you'll tell me what you think of this.

12 Ways To Make Congress Work
  1. No budget, No pay!: Quite simply, if you don't do what we put you in there to do you won't get paid. Kind of like the rest of us and those pesky jobs we've got or don't got. If you don't work, you don't eat! 
  2. Up or Down vote on Presidential appointments: Another good call. Congress routinely uses trivial little rules they have to hold up nominees for very narrow political reasons or to gain concessions for their individual state. Bullshit. 51-49 wins. 
  3. End the filibuster: This is the political version of "I'm taking my ball and going home." Not to mention at one time, you had to really work at a filibuster. You had to get up and talk for hours on end to hold up legislation. Now all you have to do is signal your intent to filibuster and its done. Which is why in the first 50 years of the filibuster it was used only 35 times. In the past two years its been used over 100.
  4. Empower the sensible majority: If a majority of congress wants to get something done, they shouldn't be held hostage by the congressional leadership. They should be allowed to get it done. Basically, this lets senators and representatives sign anonymous discharge petitions which override the leadership and get bills onto the floor.
  5. Make members come to work: This is a no-brainer. At the risk of sounding holier than thou you're fucking stupid if you don't agree with this one. Congress spends so much time flying back and forth to their districts that they're not in Washington enough to get anything done. They should have to work 5 days a week just like you and I. I understand congress works for their constituents so they should have 3 weeks in D.C. and one week home. So we have real access to them (they gotta work all 5 days when they're home.) And finally, as of right now, congress doesn't have to all be there at the same time. How the hell do they vote if they don't all have to be there at the same time? Horseshit, they should all have to coordinate their schedules.
  6. Q & A time for the President: 90 minutes a month in each house of congress. Questions would alternate between Dems and Republicans. President would have to answer them. Oh, and this is all on TV. Think that would make these clowns get up, in front of the country and defend their ideas?
  7. Fiscal report to congress, hear it, read it, sign it: Make congress use the same numbers when they're debating. They all use different statistics and fuzzy math to make their arguments. This way they don't have that chance because they all have to work off the same set of numbers.
  8. No Pledges but Allegiance and oath of office: Easy example, 238 house members have signed a pledge to never raise taxes. Another 110 have signed one to never cut social security. How the hell can they debate or work together when they signed away their ability to compromise to some special interest group?
  9. Monthly bipartisan gatherings: I like this one. Everyone knows that if you don't even know your co-workers its a lot harder to get anything done. Plus, its real easy to demonize and skewer people when you don't know them. This would force these guys to get to know one another and possibly find some common ground between them.
  10. Bipartisan seating: This is psychological. Right now, all the Democrats sit together, and all the Republicans sit together. Almost like a face off, or a war. Make them sit with the other guy and maybe their spirit of cooperation would be fostered. Stranger things have happened. When I was a kid they always made us sit next to someone we didn't know in class, and guess what happened? We got to know them!
  11. Bipartisan leadership committee: Another good one. Instead of allowing the leadership to simply get together to figure out how to fuck the other guys, make them get in a room together, make them talk, make them get shit done.
  12. No negative campaigns against incumbents: This is simple. No sitting member can campaign against another member. They are free to campaign for his/her opponent, but not against the incumbent. Why? Because would you want to work with the guy who just a week ago was trying his best to get you fired? Not a chance, you'd want to do whatever you could to fuck his world up. So, we don't need anymore of that.
12 step plan. I think it would work, or at least it would be 12 giant steps in the right direction.

Many hands make light work. Democrats can't get shit done. Republicans can't get shit done. Maybe we ought to try forcing them to work together and see if they all can get shit done. If not, we can replace them in a couple of years.

Its a thought, its a plan. I like it. Do you? I want to know.

Nov 5, 2012

Throwaway Vote...

"I reject the idea that a principled vote is wasted." -Andrew Napolitano

So we could argue back and forth about who should get the other's vote, but the truth of the matter is this...regardless of who wins tomorrow the sky won't fall, if Obama gets reelected the Socialist revolution won't start, the Red Army won't be marching down Pennsylvania Avenue. 

And if Romney gets elected the economy won't magically roar back to health overnight, nor will all the stars align and manna from heaven will not fall. 

Truth is, not a whole lot will change. People will go on and live their lives and these two fucks, regardless of which one gets in there, will do their time, steal what they can, set up nice cherry deals for whatever buddies they can, and then laugh as they use their government pension checks as toilet paper. 

Oh, there'll be some minor shuffling of this law or that law, there'll be a new supreme court justice or two, but nothing will actually change. Not by a long shot. 

You see I'm voting for a libertarian because they've actually got a philosophy I can believe in. I've been called cynical by lots of people when it comes to politics, and when it comes to Democans, and Republicrats I certainly am cynical. Not one in my lifetime has been worth a damn. 

I am NOT however, cynical about America. I believe in this nation down to the marrow of my bones. You can say I'm throwing away my vote, but the more people who throw away their votes the better chance we have of throwing off the tyranny of this two party bullshit. 

I think its you who is throwing away your vote. I think its you who is cynical. Because you think that this is all you've got. You get these two and that's it. Imagine if our forefathers had thought that way. This is what the powers that be say, so this is what we get. 

No sir. I want more than that. I may or may not get it, but I won't stop trying. And I certainly will not vote for the chocolate or vanilla version of the same damn ice cream. That's how this nation was born, when a whole lot of people got really pissed off and wouldn't toe the line anymore. If enough of us stop toeing the line, maybe something would actually change...just saying.

Nov 4, 2012

It's Expensive To Be Skinny...

Couple things before I start this rant.
  1. I am what some might characterize as a fat ass.
  2. 6'2"
  3. 307 lbs.
  4. Was 338 lbs as of September 16, 2012
  5. Been doing weight watchers since that date.
And now, hilarious photo break

Okay, now that we've got that out of the way. A few more facts. 

In order to eat properly and get within those fucking points that I get everyday, the princess and I have had to change the way we eat and change the foods we buy.

Everything's gotta be fat free, low fat, low sodium, light, 1/2, and blah bitty blah.

Another little fun fact. We went to Wal-Mart this morning to do our bi-weekly shopping and it cost us $229.37

Last fun fact, a buddy of mine this week told me to go to Trader Joe's or Caputo's fresh market to get all my food because its so much better and healthier for you there.

To which I replied. FUCK YOU!!!

Sorry pal, but now that I'm doing my best to eat right, exercise daily and not allow the criminal food corporations to poison me a little each day my bill has pretty much doubled.

I can tell you that this eating healthy thing is quite a project. A project that requires money. Now given that we are a couple, both with Fed jobs, pulling in in excess of $100,000 per year we can handle the food bill.

That being said I can tell you for certain that if you were to throw a little rug rat into the equation and all the expenses that come with that we'd have a hard time making that bill.

And as I thought about that, this came to mind. What about all the people out there who don't have jobs like we've got. What about all the people out there who are trying to survive on one job, or two underemployed people, or what about people who have 3 kids. And on and on my brain went.

Its gotta be fucking impossible. And all you ever hear is that Americans are fat. By whatever year 50% of the population is going to obese. Obesity causes however many billions of dollars in health care problems. Kids are obese and its raising the doctor's bill and lower life expectancy.

For Christ sake they're outlawing Big Gulps because pop is so bad for you. 

Now here's the question. If all this is so bad for us, why are we constantly getting fed all this crap? Why is that its cheaper and easier to feed a family of 4 at McDonalds than it is to cook a healthy meal at home for them with high quality ingredients. That just seems wrong to me.

The government, whether we like it or not (for the record I don't) taxes and regulates EVERYTHING.

So through their little taxes and regulations they put incentives on doing certain things and not doing others. For individuals and businesses alike. 

Why don't they make a push to bring food costs under some kind of rational control and make it a bit easier to get your hands on good, healthy foods. 

When I was single and couldn't give a shit about what I put in my body I could eat for a month on about $240. Plus, I could eat out a bunch of times at fast food joints and the like for about what it costs us in food now.

The question still stands, and I'd like an answer. Why the fuck is it so damn expensive to be skinny in America?

Nov 2, 2012

Stop The Madness, I Wanna Watch Hockey...

The NHL is locked out. Has been for a while now. Just for the record, I am a Chicago guy down to my bones. I earned my stripes and there's two baby blue ones on my heart. I love 3 teams. In order of precedence.

3. Chicago White Sox
2. Chicago Blackhawks
1. Chicago Bears

My beloved Blackhawks should be playing and they're not. I hate watching basketball. That's a sport to be played if you ask me, not watched.

It started September 15, 2012.

So, let's run down the issues that are causing this shit.

1. Revenue sharing. Owners want more, players want more. Or at least the players want to continue at their original level in the old deal.

2. Set a max term on player contracts of 5 years.

3. Eliminate signing bonuses and set uniform salary levels for each year of a contract.

4. Extend entry level contracts from 3 years to 5.

5. Extend qualification for unrestricted free agency from seven years in the league to ten.

Now, I don't really give a whole lot of credence to either side's argument in this. The players countered with some shit after asking the league for more financial information. And I don't know what has gone on in the closed door negotiations. But I do know a bit about human nature.

This is one group of rich guys, figthing with another group of rich guys, over the money generated by selling their product to the masses.

So I'm going to posit the same theory I had when the NFL was having its labor issues.

How about instead of players getting more money, or owners getting more money, how about you all take less money and lower the fucking ticket prices?

I can't even put my heart into writing this, because I know that an idea like that doesn't stand a chance. Here's an idea, leave the ticket prices the same, just give the kids free tickets with a paying adult. One per adult. Ya know? Work with us here.

I want to go to Hawks games this year, but it takes about a car payment to buy two tickets, a couple of beers, and a hot dog. God help me if I wanted a bobble head.

The NHL average ticket price last season was $57.10. So if dad wants to take mom and little Tommy and Tanya to the Hawks game, just the tickets are over $200 already. Now you gotta park, another $20-30, then you gotta buy pop, 4 of them, and cotton candy, and hot dogs, and blah blah blah. They haven't even sat down yet and they're out over $300.

I hate to say it, but I think the NHL lockout is a good metaphor for what's happening in this country today.

Two rich guy(s) fight it out over the prize (money). While the rest of us foot the bill to keep them in the lifestyle to which they've become accustomed.

And so, like the Bears before them, the only kind of protest I can come up with, I make myself perona non grata at all Blackhawks games. I still watch on TV, and I still want them to kick the ever living shit out of anything Red Wing or Blues. I won't stop being a fan. But I will stop giving them my money.

Unlike the government and their occursed taxes. I can keep my money away from Bettman and the NHL. When this lockout ends, they won't be getting a thing from me. So until the NHL takes a few steps to make their product more affordable and family friendly (Read: Cheap) I call for NHL fans to boycott the teams. Boycott the NHL. When they blackout the games, forget it. There's this wonderful place called the All State Arena where the Chicago Wolves play. And get this, at Wolves games the seats right on the fucking glass. Right up there, the best seats in the house, I mean you might get some blood on you seats...are $51.50

The best seats in the house are lower than the NHL average. Maybe they realize that the fans are the lifeblood of any sports league. When are we going to let the NHL, NFL, MLB, NBA and whoever else know that they work for us. We pay their bills.

They are going to work. They are going to play. Or they are going to suffer.

Or we keep on the way we're going and wait for the next lockout, so I can write this again.

Oct 30, 2012

No Such Thing As A Free Lunch...

Am I getting bitter in my old age? Or, am I just seeing the world through a clearer lens?

I'm thinking...maybe hoping that its the latter of the two.

But a sure sign that you're getting older, maybe not bitter, but definitely older is when you start looking at kids and seeing their lives as easy, and their values as lacking, and their difficulties as laughable.

Bearing that in mind, it also strikes me as strange just how dependent we have become as a culture as a whole. We depend of so many different moving parts to conduct our daily lives that I'm not sure if we could hack it otherwise.

Now, as a generation, the one before me was one of unparalleled gluttony. Boomers are easily the most entitled of all generations. They don't really worry too much about the future because their future has already been secured and its been secured on the backs of today's and tomorrow's workers. For example, ME!

Just say the words "Reform Social Security" and you will won't be able to get elected to the local PTA board.

So here's the thing. Everyone knows on some level that nothing is free. Someone always has to pay for it. Regardless of what it is, somebody paid the bill. The Rothschild's do not work for free kids.

Social security is paid for by workers currently working. If you're drawing social security now all your money went to keep your parents quiet.

Roads, bridges, schools, cops, firemen, teachers, soldiers, VA benefits, FICA, and on and on it goes. All things we, as a nation, had to pay for.

So riddle me this, why is it that if you ask your average American sheep about what's wrong with the government, sooner or later in that conversation spending will come up. When it does, you are almost guaranteed to hear something along the lines of, "We have to cut spending."

Now, ask him/her where to cut spending.

Social Security? No way, I want that so I don't have to work forever.
Food Stamps/Welfare? Maybe, so long as the person doesn't know anyone on it, or is on it themselves.
Military? Not a chance, Americans love to kill people and break things.
Medicare/Medicaid? Sure, they'll get on board with that so long as you don't cut their entitlements.
Education? You just sound like a dick if you want to cut this.

And around and round you'll go. Sure there's a few things that we all can agree on. Politician salaries and pensions, sure fuck them guys. Government employee salaries and pensions, sure why not, until you realize that over 2 million mother fuckers work for the government and that's not counting the military. Cut all of that and all of a sudden you've got a lot more mouths in the bread lines.

Basically, what I'm saying is that Americans are, for lack of a better term, stupid. They want all this good shit the government does for them, but they don't want to pay for it, and when you finally beat it into their skulls that something has got to give or the whole thing is going tits up, then they pick the thing that is furthest from them to go after. Cut it all!!! They say. Just not MY STUFF!!!!

Any of you brilliant financial scholars understands that if you take in $10, you can only spend $10 or you can go into debt. In which case you can spend until you max out your available credit. Then you're done and you have to spend 40 years paying that shit off, or you could call Dave Ramsey and do it in about 45 minutes or so.

Now imagine you live in a land where all you have to do to get a higher credit limit is sign a piece of paper. Doesn't mean anything. You didn't change the amount you make or anything like that. You just magically increased you credit limit. Just because you said so. Then you could continue to buy whatever the hell you wanted until you run out of credit again, and then you sign another piece of paper that increases your borrowing power again. Once again, you didn't actually do anything, you just decided that you were going to borrow more, so you did.

Sounds like a great place to me.

That piece of paper is the debt ceiling. And someday its going to come crashing down on all of us.

Americans need to pull their head out of their collective asses. We've allowed two generations to write a whole bunch of checks that we're going to have to cash. Now sooner or later we're going to have to make a deposit. The longer we wait the bigger it gets.

Pretty soon it'll be bigger than all of us, it may already be. Nothing is free. Somebody is going to pay.

Get ready, the bill is in the mail.

Oct 27, 2012

Combat Skirts...

The Daily Beast did a piece on women in combat. You can read it HERE

It was the usual fare. The argument for women in combat normally follows the same general outline.

They integrated minorities and the sky didn't fall.
They integrated gays just about 20 minutes ago with the repeal of DADT.
Now its time to integrate women into combat.

The argument against women in combat usually goes like this.

Women will destroy unit cohesion.
Women will distract the men from the important work they're doing.
The men/women won't be able to control themselves sexually. (Sorry folks, but this is already happening. Combat or not. Anytime you put people in a situation like Afghanistan or Iraq is unavoidable there's going to be some serious fucking going on.)

Then some glowing voice of reason in the comments section of any piece on women in the military always brings up the fact that women are physically weaker than men. Then some skirt comes back with, "I passed the APFT at the male standard!!!"

Usual bullshit.

All of this derives from the military's ban on women in combat arms MOS's (military occupational specialties) Such as, infantry, armor, engineers (I think), Special forces, and field artillery. My apologies to any I missed, but I'm an MP so I truly couldn't give a shit less.

And here's where I kinda laugh at the whole thing. Now whether or not there's an "official" ban on women in combat, or a de jure ban on women in combat, the de facto state of combat is there are plenty of women in there.

I've got a combat action badge, and you can say anything you want, we were engaged by and we engaged the enemy, and there was a skirt driving for me, and there was a skirt behind the 50 cal in the truck in front of me, and there was a skirt team leader in the truck behind me. This happened numerous times during the course of a 10 month hitch in country. I'm sure there's hundreds of thousands of stories and military records that would tell you the same.

So as much as people want to bitch, whine and complain about the ban. I want the military to get rid of it for two reasons.

  1. Your ban is meaningless, women are already in combat.
  2. I am sick of fucking hearing about it.
The way I figure it, this debate is pointless when one side has already won out. Whether anyone likes it or not the nature of combat in this day and age has changed to the point where its literally impossible to keep women out of combat. The discussion is pointless. Your argument is invalid.

Now that we've got that settled, somebody can figure out the PT standards...

(Just so you know, the title is purposely inflammatory.)

Oct 25, 2012

Successful Politicians...

If you're a successful politician, you know you don't succeed by figuring out what's really going on in the world and trying to explain it to people. You need to find out what people want to hear and then tell it to them.

Words spoken by Bryan Caplan author of The Myth of the Rational Voter: Why Democracies Choose Bad Policies in his inteview on the Freakonomics podcast.

You can read the transcript HERE.

Now basically, what he's saying is that politicians live and function, and get their jobs by glad handing all of us and basically shoveling so much shit that you can barely see the floor anymore.

He gives a pretty startling example of how stupid we are as voters, collectively.

For the most part cutting spending is looked upon favorably by the electorate.

Until you start picking out things to cut. Cut medicare. Holy hot shit there'll be a riot. Cut social security. Lord have mercy, there'd be an uprising in the retirement home on that one. Cut the military. Sweet baby Jesus, the huns are coming, the huns are coming.

That's pretty much all politicians do. They give you generalitites, no specifics.

I will cut spending! Oh really, how you going to do that? What are you going to cut? What, specifically are you going to cut?

I will strengthen the military! Oh really, how you going to do that? What exactly are you going to do? Oh, and one last thing, how are you going to pay for it?

Imagine if you or I proposed things to our boss that way.

Employee: Hey boss, I am going to make this company hugely profitable, we are going to open up 20 new factories, and I'll restore this company to the height of its stock price.

Boss: Oh really, and how precisely do you plan to do that?

Employee: I am going to make this company hugely profitable, we are going to open up 20 new factories, and I'll restore this company to the height of its stock price.

Do you see how stupid that sounds?

Just so you know, that's what your beloved candidate (whichever one is yours) has been saying to you from the jump.

Now here's where the real bitch of this situation lies.


This is what we want, this is what we've asked for. As an electorate because of our own lack of interest, stupidity, apathy, laziness, or whatever else you want to call it, this is what we get.

If American's actually wanted good politicians, there'd be some, because we wouldn't allow this whale shit to make it into office. If we wanted good ones, we would demand that tough questions be answered with specific responses. If we wanted good ones, we would insist that politicians back up every word they say with facts, figures, plans, or something concrete.

Basically, what I'm telling you is Barack Obama & Mitt Romney are what we get for this election because that's what this country wants. One giant red douche vs. one giant blue douche.

It's our own fucking fault.

That being said, I am removing myself from the equation. Not voting this year. Probably not for quite a while and certainly not until there is someone in there worth voting for. Maybe if I'm lucky, the rest of you will continue to elect shittier and shittier people until a revolution finally comes. Apparently, its going to take quite a bit of doing before the vast majority of this country realizes that we're going straight to hell.

Ah, I can hear the self righteous indignation coming from some. How dare you not vote? Its your civic duty. Plus, if you don't vote you have no right to complain about politicians.

First of all, I dare, secondly, check the rest of my blog I've certainly done my civic duty, and your civic duty and his civic duty, so fuck that. Finally, just use some simple logic on the complaining part.

If you voted for a politician, or campaigned for one, or in any way contributed to the political process, then the people who currently hold office are...YOUR FUCKING FAULT.

Not mine, I didn't vote for them, I have nothing to do with this asshole being senator or mayor or president or whatever.

I didn't do a damn thing, you did. You voted, you have no right to complain.

I could be wrong, but until American's start demanding better people as leaders then we get what you vote for.

Good luck picking the lesser of two evils and thinking that's an actual choice.

Oct 24, 2012


I live in Illinois, and as such I know all about corrupt politicians. I'm pretty sure we're the only state where our governors make the license plates, but I digress.

So I go outside today and I pick up the newspaper off the driveway and open it up to the front page and start taking in a few headlines.

Now bear in mind, this is a suburban paper. Suburbs of Chicago, the Daily Herald. Covers Du Page and parts of Lake, and I believe a couple other counties. This isn't even the big city paper like the Sun-Times or the Tribune.

Here are the two headlines that drew my attention:

Sweet Pension Deal At Issue: Opponent Questions Why Du Page Clerk gave multiple raises to former board member.

How Many Millions Did We Pay Out?: 15 to state legislators by Topinka's count.

You can click on the headlines to read the articles if you like.

Now the first article is the one that royally stuck in my craw. Its basically the Du Page county clerk looking out for his boy. He gave him 40% raises over a 5 year period with the last raise coming just 6 months before his retirement so that it boosted his pension into the stratosphere.

The second one is easier to stomach just because I'm from Illinois and I'm used to this shit.

Its examining all the little perks that state lawmakers get while they are making laws. Which we all know is a bunch of bullshit, but its just what happens.

You've got welfare queens out there who aren't this bold in their bullshit.

At least welfare queens have to go to the state and apply for the benefits, and they can only take so much. These fucking politicians try to take all they can and call it earned! Politicians are the worst kind of freeloaders there are, the kind who take your money and pretend that they earned it. They bankrupt a state and attack employee pensions when mentioning nothing of their own sweet deals.

Which brings me to my next point.

When you are dealing with politicians I think there are two things that could clean up our political system quickly. Make it so you only get people who truly want to serve.

  1. Term limits. You only get two in any job. That's it and that's all. No Mayor Daley of Chicago bullshit where you're mayor for life. On top of which, there are no pensions for legislators. Nothing, you get paid for your time in office and when you leave you have to go back to making a living just like everyone else. I think there should be a 401(k) program for them, because it wouldn't be fair to have them serve 4 years in office and be 4 years behind the power curve on their own retirement. But no pension obligation that the people of the state have to bear for 100 years after they're gone. Government service should be just like the military, all your needs are met. Housing, medical, education, salary, and just like the military reserves your job is protected. If you were working for Joe's Widget factory and got elected to office. Joe would have to hold your job and all your pay and benefits until you got back. 
  2. Publicly financed campaigns. This one would be tricky because you would have to figure out how to choose who could run and what the prerequisites would be. No money in politics. From anyone or anything other than the taxpayer. If you don't like the idea of your tax dollars going to campaigns, think about what the system has produced when rich guys and corporations finance the campaigns. Each candidate gets X amount of dollars from the government to conduct his/her campaign and that's all they can use and they have to provide an in depth accounting of every dollar spent. Kinda like when soldiers come back from TDY and have to cough up all their hotel and meal receipts.
You do those two things and you remove all the motivation that these criminal cock suckers have to get into politics. You reduce the corporations to nothing in the grand political scheme of things and you allow good people, who aren't rich to compete on an even playing field with the 1%ers.

And you stop the most damaging and dangerous freeloaders of them all. The fucking politicians!

Oct 23, 2012

Don't Vote, So You Can Still Bitch...

So here’s a little question I’ve been kicking around in my head for a while now. Why is it that so many people are so willing to blindly accept certain things that for whatever reason they think are true, and regardless of how much evidence there is to the contrary they won’t give up that idea?

Case in point, how many fucktards do you know who can’t even deal with a presidential election, or more accurately can’t deal with having anyone around them who is voting for someone else without losing their friggen minds?

Now this is a subject near and dear to my heart because if there’s one thing that I love watching it’s the level of douchebaggery that goes with an election. Especially a presidential one.

You’ve got two rich guys who are the figureheads (not the bosses) of the parties that have completely polarized this country into a house divided against itself, and we all know how well those stand.

Barack Obama is worth 11.8 million bucks. (type Barack Obama net worth into Google to see where I got it from)

Mitt Romney is worth 250 million bucks.

Which means that 99% of the population has more in common with the homeless illegal Mexican immigrant sleeping on lower Wacker drive right now than they do with either of these cats.

Both solid 1%ers. Except, I’m pretty sure Romney is top 1% of the 1%. Either way, both ridiculously rich guys. You give me Barack Obama’s fortune and I’ll never work another day in my life, and neither will any member of my immediate and extended family. You give me Mitt Romney’s and I’ll just start retiring random people as I walk down the street.

These guys are currently locked in mortal combat over a miniscule percentage of undecided voters. Now while they (the candidates) play nice and try to sound accommodating and like they might be able to compromise on some things there is this constant noise in the background. That noise is the true believers on the left and the right. Lunatics the lot of them.

So you have basically three groups in this country. Blue guys, red guys, and undecided guys. The blue guys will vote for the blue guy no matter what, and same goes for the red. The undecided are the ones who will decide this election. They are the deciders. Thanks Mr. Bush.

Now to get the nomination, these two pricks had to pander to the red guys and the blue guys. Which means they had to fly far left and far right to appease the holders of the check books, and now they have to swing to the dead center in order to get the undecided to vote for them, anybody besides me see the hypocrisy evident in there?

Get something through your heads, nothing a politician says is worth the air he took in to say it. They are assholes by default. That being said, all of you fucktards who think that one or the other of these two is going to save the country let me tell you something. In the coming years when people start complaining and calling your guy the anti-Christ you’re going to wonder what happened. Let me save you the suspense. You’re a fucktard and you voted for a douchebag.

Voting is a right, and a responsibility, I can get on board with that. But you have to consider the future and you have to consider the arguments that will be made. So I’m going to recommend you do one of two things. 
  1. Don’t vote.
  2. Vote for someone who has absolutely no chance whatsoever of winning. So neither Obama nor Romney.

Now why would I tell you that?

So that someday when that stupid cliché comes up about “Well if you don’t vote you have no right to bitch about politicians” Or some such nonsense, you can come right back and say, Au contraire good sir.

You sir, voted.

You sir, are responsible for putting this or that douchebag in office.

I did not vote and therefore am not responsible for this or that douchebag being in office.

I had nothing to do with it, this is all your fault along with the other shitbags who bought in to the bullshit.

So, I say, YOU have no right to bitch. YOU did this. I’ll bitch all I want.

Little Girl, Please Stop Talking...

What is it with college students and their seemingly undying interest in fucking with the military?

Now, it seems a bit humorous to me in the first place that, by some estimates over 70% of the current population of young people in this country is not qualified to serve in the military and if you've ever seen your local community college, so long as you can sign the loan agreement you can go to college, but whatever it’s been my experience that people look for just about any reason to consider themselves superior to others.

Hell, I’m probably doing just that by writing this diatribe. Now what the hell am I talking about? I’m talking about this girl who wrote a piece for her college newspaper about how the military shouldn't be getting all the discounts it does.

You can read it here.

Now this shit is hysterically funny on several levels. First and foremost of which is her delightfully un-self-aware comments. Given the fact that she’s a student at a university and last time I checked student discounts are about as common as air. Anyone who has ever been to a large university, or a large city with universities in it, you know that there are student discounts for EVERYTHING.

I went to the website of the newspaper she wrote for, figured out what university it was; Colorado State, and then I typed in to Google “Colorado state university student discount” and came up with only 140,000,000 results. Sorry girl, I think you can find a 10% off movie ticket in there somewhere.

I was even surprised to find out that there is an entire PROGRAM at CSU for student discounts. Its kind of like a, you give us a discount, we give you cheap or free access to students spending mommy or daddy’s money.

Next level of funny, this dopey little girl thinks that giving military discounts creates a hierarchy of heroes in this country and puts us soldiers at the top because apparently we get discounts because we are more deserving that other heroes. (Cops, firefighters)

Once again, are you out of your fucking mind. Cops get everything cheap, if not free! Firefighters, well I don’t know any, but if its anything like it is on Rescue Me, they are more than compensated by copious amounts of random pussy the get a hold of. Plus, I’m sure they don’t have to pay for coffee. Not to mention they work a 1 on, two off schedule. What more could you want than to only work 4 months out of the year?

Regardless, what is it about college students that makes them so ungodly stupid, and at the same time so willing and able to share their opinions with the world?

She probably went into a store somewhere and some soldier bought something at half off that she wanted but had to pay full price for because all she had was her student I.D. So let me tell you something honey, this isn't creating a hierarchy of heroes.

If you ask me its payment for services rendered. 

Oct 20, 2012

My Turd Is Smells Better Than Your Turd...

That's the sentiment that I see over and over again daily as we slosh our way through this latest presidential tomfoolery. (that's a classic word)

You've got Obama and the Blue team on one side, and you've got Romney and the Red team on the other side. Which is the way its always been. At least in my lifetime.

Red vs. Blue. That's all we've got. 

Now, even I remember a time when things were a bit different than they are now. I remember a time when there could be two guys sitting at a table, discussing politics and these two guys could completely disagree on every damn thing there is.

Pro-gun/Pro gun control
Socialized medicine/Free-market

And on and on they could go. Now after they got done discussing all of that. They would politely agree to disagree and get on with their lives. In many cases, these two guys were friends, coworkers, even family members.

Nowadays, if you even express a political opinion, I'd make sure that I know exactly who is in the room and make sure they agree with you, and if there is disagreement in the room make sure you're bigger than the other guy.

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. -F. Scott Fitzgerald

In todays day and age of tea parties, and anarchists, and far left nut jobs, and far right warmongers, and extremists of every ilk there is no room for a tempered opinion, nor is there any room for an intelligent argument where both parties attempt to see the view point of the other. 

It takes quite a bit of brain power to actually argue with someone. An actual argument requires facts, and logical thinking, and organization, and the ability to see a point of view other than your own. A measure of brain power that I'm sorry to say I don't think we as Americans have anymore. 

We don't argue. We talk louder until we're shouting. We don't discuss the pros and cons of an idea. We defame the creator or proponent of the idea. Americans have lost their ability to argue and compromise and have thus stagnated as a society. You have the far right doing its thing, and the far left doing its thing and the middle trying to stay out of all of this. And all the while, right is smashing into left over and over again and no one can get anything done.

The only people participating in our political process are the true believers. The lunatics. I am right, you are wrong, everything you say is evil, your candidate is the anti-Christ and you are the devil's servant. MY TURD SMELLS BETTER THAN YOURS!!!

Until this country realizes that the participants in our political process are the ones who are causing all the trouble, we're not going to be able to change things. Politicians have a vested interest in maintaining the status quo and they'll do it to our detriment. The true believers are few and far between. There aren't that many of them. The only difference between them and us is the volume of our voices. 

The vast majority of this country can see why we would need a strong military and access to health care for all citizens. A vast majority can understand that guns should not be taken from law abiding citizens and yet there are reasonable restrictions on that right. A vast majority believe that a woman should have a right to an abortion, but it shouldn't be used as a form of birth control.

The vast majority, however, isn't the ones who have been speaking...

Aug 17, 2012

Mediocrity is Ubiquitous, Kevin Spacey Said So...

How dead on accurate is that? Pretty much hits the nail on the head if you ask me. And don't worry, this won't be me railing against society or any of that shit. Its going to be me, beating on me.

I've lived just like he said. I've been completely vanilla. Completely mediocre. Haven't accomplished a tenth of what I am capable.

Kinda floated along, never steered the boat. And its enough to make me want to puke.

Now the question that has to be answered is, what the fuck are you going to do about it?

That's pretty much the question that has to be answered every moment of our lives. What the fuck are you going to do?

Are you going to lay down?
Are you going to surrender to circumstance?
Are you going to take what they dish out?
Are you going to fight?

The trouble is, for me anyway, that the answer to each and every one of those questions is, "I don't fucking know."

And that, my well read friends is the root of all my problems.

Anyways, I love you Mom...

Jul 25, 2012

The Healing Power of Death Metal....

Have you ever had one of those days? One of those days where you just couldn't get out of first gear. One of those days where you were stuck in slow motion. One of those days where it was like you were walking through molasses.

Of course you have, we've all had them.

I found the cure.

Killswitch Engage

Now for those of you with no clue what the hell I'm talking about, here's a song by Killswitch:

Now we could argue about labels, I suppose there are some out there who wouldn't classify this as death metal, but you know what? This is my blog, so fuck you only my definitions matter and I say this is death metal.

Regardless of what you think of the music, that's irrelevant. What matters is that you recognize the energy. If you can listen to this music and not have your pulse quicken, then I'm going to venture a guess and say that you don't have a pulse.

So maybe it was fate, maybe karma was looking out for me, maybe some little green leprechaun who lives in my iPod decided that it was time to snap me out of the funk I had been in. And he played Killswitch Engage and I came to life.

I swear I could feel my blood pumping through my veins, I felt my plaque start flowing again. The haze of weariness lifted off of me and I got to work. Not like I solved the mystery of cold fusion or anything. I just went home, cleaned the house, cooked, cleaned my guns, did some grocery shopping,moved some furniture around, wrote a post about "Accidents of Birth", read my book, washed my ass, did some homework and went to sleep. After playing the tackling dummy for goon squad practice at work. I got more done in one afternoon/evening than I had all week up to that point.

I'm not saying all this to brag, I'm saying it because one song, one song got the engine running again. One song, took me from (forgive me for dis) zero to hero, one song brought me back to life.

It amazed me. How could it not? 4 minutes of pure musical energy pumped enough motivation into me to propel me through an entire evening. Don't get me wrong, I hit repeat a few times to give me a little shot here and there, but it worked.

So the question is this, does anybody know how music can have that kind of power over us, and what music moves you? And which way does it move you? I wanna know.

Plus, check THIS out. They are using music to heal disabled veterans. Now I freaked out mildly because I thought up the title to this post prior to finding that article, and I see they beat me to it...word for word.

I'm curious, what's on your playlist when you get in that funk? What music motivates you? What gets your plaque flowing?

Later, I love you Mom...

Jul 23, 2012

Accidents of Birth...

“Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Being Irish isn't a skill... it's a fucking genetic accident. You wouldn't say I'm proud to be 5'11"; I'm proud to have a pre-disposition for colon cancer.”

-George Carlin

You hear a lot of this shit going around today.

Black pride and/or power.
Latino pride
Irish pride
Southern Pride
Girl Power
Puerto Rican Pride
Italian pride

Yada, yada yada. Bunch of horseshit.

It's simple. You were born those things. You didn't do anything to become them. You could've just as easily been born a disabled Swahili hermaphrodite.

All of these things are accidents of birth.

So let's all take George's advice and be happy that we are those things. Don't pretend that they are some sort of perverse source of pride. Because they're not. If you have to look to things that are genetic accidents for pride then obviously you have some work to do because you haven't gotten out of the house enough.

Especially Americans. Americans believe that they live in the greatest country on earth, and you know what they're right. Here's the rub. A lot of us, myself included in many respects, didn't do a damn thing to get this country to where it is. We don't have any right to be proud of it, we have all the right in the world to be happy that we are Americans but we don't have much to be proud of. Pride comes from things you did. Now if you did things deserving of respect and worthy of being proud then God bless you. If you haven't then get off your ass and do something.

It'd be like Bill Gates' kid being proud of Microsoft, or Steve Jobs kid being proud of Apple. Sorry Junior you didn't do a damned thing to build that company. You get to enjoy the ridiculous riches that come with being the heir to a gigantic fortune amassed by the production of those companies, but you didn't do shit. Be happy that you're rich and never have to work a day in your miserable 1%er life. But don't you dare sully your father's names by being proud of something they did.

You want to be proud...then work for it.

But, George already told you, and I'm going to tell you again. Don't forget your Proverbs.

"Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

Later, I love you Mom...

Jul 20, 2012

You're What's Wrong With This World...

Stephen Hawking, Sigmund Freud, Christopher Hitchens, Charles Darwin and a couple of cats that I haven't a fucking clue who they are...

...But I do know that the drunken, spray tanned cum bucket on the right is Snookie.

So I may very well be part of what's wrong with this world. At least I'm part of the way there. 

Popularly speaking, we've lost an element of respect for those of us who actually fucking do things. Stephen Hawking has figured out a whole bunch of theoretical physics shit. Freud taught us that our mothers are the root of all evil. (Fuck him) Einstein taught us that space and time are pliable. Hitchens questioned everything and then wrote about it. And I'm sure that the remainder of the faces on that picture DID some pretty incredible things.

Whereas, Snooki got drunk in New Jersey and got punched in the face by a drunk monkey. And the world watched in rapt attention.

She makes more money than the President of the United States to do what? Not a damn thing. She lives in a house populated with a group of people (using that term loosely) who if you were to take their combined IQ's and add them up you might get the batting average of the lowly Chicago Cubs.

You've got an entire generation of drooling monkeys who worship at the altar of celebrity. Which wouldn't bother me so much if the prerequisites for entrance into the celebrity class were just a bit more selective than they are...

Cases in point:

Brittany Spears-married some chooch, shaved her head and dropped her kid. Loved by millions.
Justin Bieber-is famous for being the faggiest 10 year old kid in history. Loved by millions.
Paris Hilton-famous because she sucked off a rich guy while on a night vision camera. Loved by millions.
The Entire Cast of the Jersey Shore-lifts weights, tans and gets hammered. Not a single measurable accomplishment amongst the lot. Loved by millions.
Lindsay Lohan-famous for getting drunk and stoned. Loved by millions.
Kanye West-famous for, I dunno being black. Loved by millions.
Kim Kardashian-like Paris Hilton famous for being rich, getting nailed by a rapper, and having a fat ass. Loved by millions.
Chris Brown-famous for punching Rihanna in the face. Loved by millions.

We love our morons. I mean we're heading for 4 in a row Presidentially speaking.

Plus, apparently we don't have any standard of accomplishment when it comes to our hero worship.

Let's just take our last two Presidents as an example.

George Bush, basically had the world handed to him on a silver platter. Which he promptly spat upon and filled with booze and cocaine. He dodged out of his duty in the National Guard because daddy was a big shot with the CIA. He couldn't pull his head out of his ass long enough to not start a war. And he went to Yale because daddy got him in, got C's and still managed to lead us into the shithouse.

Barack Obama, what was he like 26 when we elected him president? A lot of people say he hadn't done anything. To which I respond, he didn't have any time, he got elected as an adolescent! He gave a speech after receiving the Nobel PEACE Prize on why we have to stay at war in Afghanistan. And so far as I can tell prior to becoming a politician his only job was "community organizer" Fuck me, I know some inmates who you could call community organizers. And he took over a shitty country, and has been remarkably successful in keeping it that way.

You always hear how the generation coming up now wants everything handed to them. No one wants to work. They want to come in the door and be making big bucks and making all the decisions. 

Well, can you fucking blame them when this is the caliber of what passes for celebrities and the elite. Rich folks. And everyone wants to be rich. Being rich is the American dream. And if you don't think it is, then you are just...well a fucking dip shit.

Well you wanna know what, where does it all come from...take it away Mr. Carlin.

Now he might have been talking about just politicians. But I think it applies across the board.

Where are all the people of conscience? Where are all the bright, upstanding folks to take us out of all this?

Same place as everyone else...the fucking mall.

Jul 8, 2012

My First Movie Review...

Fuck you thunder, you can suck my dick. You can't get me thunder, because you're just God's farts!

That's just a small sampling of the many memorable lines from "TED" a movie about Mark Wahlberg and his magic teddy bear that comes to life and grows into a 35 year old adolescent and ruins his life and then saves it all in one movie.

First thing that's great about this movie. The trailer highlights a lot of the funny parts, but it ISN'T all of them.

Second thing that's great about this movie. Its about a talking magic teddy bear that has a dirtier mouth than I fucking do! What's not to love?  I mean there's something very special about seeing a magic teddy bear nailing a hot check out girl on the produce in the back of a grocery store.

The story is the usual. Nothing new under the sun there. But the way they portray Ted is a thing of beauty, not to mention he has Seth McFarland, of Family Guy fame doing his voice.

So you've got Mark Wahlberg. Ladies love Marky Mark.

You've got Mila Kunis, who makes me feel funny in the pants.

And you've got a foul mouthed teddy bear to round it off.

So, if you've never heard a girl from Boston have an orgasm, I HIGHLY recommend you see this flick.

5 fucking stars!