Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke...

The title of this post has absolutely nothing to do with what I’m going to write about, its just that I promised my boy, Buckets that I would title a post after one of his many catch phrases. So here it is...

So we got up at 0 fuck thirty this morning, and I was cranky. Can you believe it, me, cranky? I know its tough but you’re just going to have to trust me. Then we got the day rolling.

What do we have to do today? Show the new unit everything we know about this place in a matter of 8 hours outside the wire. Oh, this won’t be difficult at all.

Nothing really worth talking about happened today, except for we got a little reminder of the beginning-a-deployment jitters that most sane people have.

We’re driving along and we come to a section of the road that is a really tight squeeze. Probably like a foot of clearance on either side. When we got up there the gunner noticed a crate with a wire coming out the top of it and immediately stopped the convoy and called everyone and their brother thinking that there was an IED sitting right there.

Well, its unfortunate, but I’ve learned that you are not going to see any of these IED’s before they ruin your day and the Taliban have to win hearts and minds just as much as we do so they don’t normally place large IED’s in populated areas. So I wasn’t worried.

But I hate to admit it. It was funny watching them getting out of the trucks and doing all their movements by the book, and checking out the suspected IED. They did it all perfectly, by the book. Then there’s our guys, who have gotten so used to this place that we walk around like its a stroll in the park and half the drivers if stopped in the road, IED or not, will fall asleep in under 6 minutes.

They tell you over and over again, don’t get complacent, don’t let your guard down. But we do anyway. Its been said that the most dangerous two months of deployment are the first and the last. The first because you don’t know shit. And the last because all you’re thinking about is home. But no matter, we made it through and now we have no combat missions left, just one last convoy to get us the hell out of here.

Then I just got another taste of FNG bullshit. So its about 2300 here now, and there’s a lot of young kids in this new unit. They all have computers, they all have the internet, and they all have the software you need to call home. So little Johnny over here is talking to his girlfriend and he’s doing the whole, “No you hang up first.” shit. Then when they got sick of that they started the, “No, I love you more.” spiel. Forgive me, I almost puked on my keyboard but whatever, he’s 18. He’ll bounce back quick when she cheats on him. Can you believe that a kid the military allows to carry a belt-fed weapon talks like that? Sheesh, I thought soldiers were supposed to be bad asses.

So that was yesterday, what I thought was going to be my last trip outside the wire. Well, once again, whatever sucks the most strikes. Fun all around.

There I was, laying on my bunk, watching History of The World Part I, and here they come. Alright, we gotta go out to Mandozai, and get the other squad so they can come back here. Do I have to go? Of course you have to go. Shit, and it was just starting the “Its good to be the King” part.

So we go out there.

Pick them up.

And come back.

Well that was anti-climactic. I hate to admit it, but I was kinda hoping the Taliban had a parting gift for us. You know, maybe one for the road. But no luck.

So it goes.

And here I go, but not until I’ve stayed at Clark for one more movie night. They better show something good. I would imagine that they could be showing an Ed Wood flick and it will still be good given that its the last night before I begin the journey home.

Stress, has subsided. Any tenseness has left me. Blood pressure is low. Heart beat is barely noticeable. Hindu cows aren’t this calm.

And I love it. Day after tomorrow we begin the journey home.

Don’t know what’s going to happen on this trip home, don’t really care. As long as it ends with me at home. Don’t know how much more there will be to write, seems to me the good stuff is now over. And by good stuff, I mean the stuff either funny enough, or dangerous enough to warrant actually telling people about it.

I would say that very soon I’ll be able to turn a page in my life, but that’s probably not quite accurate. Closing the book is probably a bit closer.

So stay tuned, I’ll write what I can, when I can. And I got a good one already written for the grand finale. Ladies and Gents, the suck has been embraced.

Later,

I love you Mom...