They Said It Better Than I Ever Could...


These words that I write, they keep me from total insanity. -Charles Bukowski

Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Jul 29, 2008

Now This Thing Is Getting Real.

Holy jumping fucking shit balls. I apologize for the language but that is how I am feeling right about now. This deployment of mine is only like less than a month away. I am going to be out of the flipping country again. It has been a while I am not going to lie. I have been living a nice quiet, very suburban life for quite some time now and I have to admit that it is very exciting to think that at least for a year, that bullshit is coming to an end. Now of course there is always the concern that something might happen to me but that is what I would refer to as a minor concern. All I really ask is this, if something does happen to me, please lord let it be fatal. Don't leave me bumming around with no arms and legs or anything like that. Just off me and call it a day. I can deal with that.

So most everything that needs to be done, is done. I am going on vacation from work in about a week, so I won't have to worry about the wonderful inmates anymore and I am still getting paid (Oh, how I love working for the government)

I have some last minute loose ends to tie up, ya know, paperwork, powers of attorney and all that sort of shit. I have a few things that I want to get prior to leaving, a gps, a nice big box to haul all my army shit in. An indestructible case for my laptop because there is no other conduit for pornography in Afghanistan. And if I lose that I would be forced to use my imagination...gasp!!!

Pretty much all that remains is to do a little bit of working out, which I should have been doing for months now, but I am friggin lazy. But I digress on that one. Then get sloppy drunk every day for the remainder of my time here. Thats pretty much all I have left to do.

Oh yeah, and I have to deal with the insanity that will certainly be flowing from at least one, maybe two or three family members as the day of my departure draws nearer. But I have to admit, I am used to insanity, its normalcy that really unnerves me. I can deal with psychos, convicts, criminals, and sociopaths. Its the Beaver Cleaver's that really throw me for a loop. So I guess that I am well prepared for what is coming my way.

I just cannot help but feel absolutely excited about what is coming up. I mean the vast majority of the population lives these nice, quiet lives where nothing really ever happens and they get up every day, go to work, come home, eat dinner, kiss the wife and go to bed, only to repeat the entire process the next day for 40 years until they keel over dead from a heart attack, and then their kid starts the same vicious cycle all over again.

And I am no different, granted my job is a little more eventful than your average gig, but for the most part it is the same 9 to 5 bullshit as everyone else. Except I have this to throw a little spice on the meat every now and then. Which I have to say is nice. I won't lie, I am kind of digging the idea that I'll be gone for a year. Thats a long fucking time. I could get a lot done.

I could be a completely different person when I come home, then again that could backfire and I could come back an even bigger asshole. But the fact remains, I don't have to live the way everyone else does, and that appeals to me.

Yet don't think for one second I didn't notice the contradiction in a soldier saying that he "doesn't have to live like everyone else." Last time I checked the whole purpose of the army was to make sure that you were just like everyone else. But at least I don't have to be a bloodless, lifeless drone floating through this great big, coast to coast American consumer cesspool. No sir, not me, Me I get to be cannon fodder for the upper 1%. Alright, now I may be getting just a tad preachy. But whatever, I can say whatever the hell I want.

Don't worry though, this kind of contradiction is nothing new. I have been doing this since birth. I was born the son of a cop, but I have never really liked or respected the police, but then again I became one in the US Army. I have always despised authority in all its forms and yet I became a prison guard for the US government. (The ultimate authority figure) I have always been real good at sports and had a beer gut to go with it. I have always been very smart but incredibly lazy. I am a ball of contradictions. Its more fun that way, keeps people on their toes and prevents them from figuring you out...

1 comment:

  1. It is far easier to trash a system from within...

    -Mo

    ReplyDelete