So I've got another appointment with the VA head shrinker tomorrow.
I've identified my entire problem.
Lazy, listless, unmotivated, apathetic, careless, comatose, indolent, inert, indifferent, lackadaisical, lethargic, passive, procrastinating, torpid, trifling, un-energetic, un-industrious.
I have yet to master the mystic art of getting off my ass.
I've been telling myself that I'm going to get moving all this week...tomorrow.
Everyday its the same shit, I'm going to get up and do this, and that, and then go to class, and then to work, and then I'll hit the gym and...
Then I get up, look at the clock and hit snooze until I absolutely have to go to class, then I drag myself out of bed kicking and screaming, go to class, barely stay awake, and then go to work. Which consists of me staring at a wall for 8 hours. Followed by me saying to myself, alright bud go to the gym. Then I drive home and write about how lazy I am.
This is the definition of insanity. Or at least stupidity.
I'm losing it. I don't know what's going on. This is easily the strangest ailment that I've ever had. Something in my brain just doesn't want to let me get up and get moving. I've got things to do, I've go a life to live.
Waistline steadily expanding, depression gripping tight, outlook dimming, its all so slow.
Nothing can get me hyped up anymore. Everything is so ordinary and uninspiring.
Maybe another deployment would snap me out of this shit.
I know this, somethings gotta give. Somethings gotta change. Somethings gotta happen. Otherwise I am going to go completely out of my mind.
Getting off my ass is truly a mystic art for me.
The shrink said a lot of things, but he thinks that we may have to try a different approach. Whereas some people can think their way through things that's most likely not going to work with me. If I could think my way through this then I would've done that already. I'm smart enough, and I've got enough mechanisms for self reflection (this blog) to have figured it out on my own. He thinks that I am probably going to have to "work" my way through it. Meaning, do things. Force myself to "DO" things. The things that I want to get done of course. Now how the hell do I accomplish that.
Now one thing that the shrink told me that stuck out in my head is that you have to be accountable. Accountable to something or to someone. Now I'd like to know, since I've already proven that I can't be accountable to myself. Do you think it would work if I were accountable to you? All of you that read this shit.
Just a thought, and an opportunity to chew my ass when I don't do what I'm supposed to. 100% honesty assured. It wouldn't do any good to do it any other way.
I love you Mom...