I Might Be More Inclined...

To accept and even embrace this new arrangement that she wants if I felt that I was dealing with an equal instead of a dependent.

She works longer hours than I do. She makes less than half the money I do. Matter of fact when all is said and done, she doesn't even make a third of what I do. So, due to her hours I also end up with the kids a lot more than she does.

Any alpha males out there who want to call me a bitch have at it. I love her and I love my kids, but it doesn't change the fact that its very hard not to feel like I am getting the short end of the stick.

Therapist after therapist has told me that you shouldn't keep score. You shouldn't be tit for tat in everything in your relationship. I can get on board with that I suppose. I understand that she gave up her career to follow me around the country. So why the fuck would you do that if you wanted some shit like this anyway. Chicago would have been a great place to pursue all the BDSM fantasies you could dream up.

Say what you will, but as far as tit for tat is concerned it comes down to one very simple idea for me. I have provided a life that is comfortable, I have provided a life that is stable. I have provided a life that keeps moving onward and upward. I don't need to apologize for the sacrifices needed to accomplish these things. She knew the score when we started this.

I however, did not know the score when she started this. This got dropped in my lap, kind of out of nowhere. I didn't even get a chance to fix the issues we were having. I got, "okay so here are the issues and these are the things that are wrong with our relationship, and I wanted to be a sub, but not with you, and we're going to open this marriage to other people and experiences."

I'm not going to discuss the pros and cons of an open marriage or polyamory or whatever other terms there are for it, but I did some research on the topic and opinions run the gamut from, what a great way to live, we're so evolved, to you fucking slut whores, if that's what you wanted to do why in the hell did you get married?

But I can say there has been one constant. One opinion that is universal (far as I can tell). No one, not friend of polyamory, nor foe of open marriages, or anyone in between believes that opening a marriage thats in trouble to begin with is a recipe for anything other than a divorce.

Maybe we're the exception. I doubt it, but maybe. In any case, she wants to do a "photo shoot" with a shibari practitioner that she got in touch with online. So that's what she'll be doing Thursday night, while I am home with the midgets. Then I am taking said midgets to Chicago for the weekend so she has her time to decompress of whatever the fuck.

I'm starting to realize that she can't be a sub with me, because I'm already her fucking bitch. Might be time for that shit to change.