How Not To Be Jealous...

I'm an American. From 'Merica, and as such I get jealous anytime anyone but me is handling my wife in any way, shape or form typically reserved for the husband. How does one not be jealous?

Last night she went out for a drink with some other dude. It made me physically ill.

Rationally, I don't like it. Emotionally, well fucked if I know because I obviously have an issue controlling my emotions.

She wasn't gone all that long, but it felt like an eternity, it felt like the entirety of our marriage had gone by during those three hours. I suppose its lucky for me, or not, she didn't like the guy too much. I imagine she would have been out for longer had she liked the dude. I've been out on a few dates myself. None of which have been anyone I would really even consider dating long term. But I don't think I'm wrong when I say that married people shouldn't be dating. But its a new world so I may as well try to make it work for me. If I'm going to be given the green light to do whatever the fuck I want with no repercussions I may as well embrace it. Except there are always consequences...to everything.

In this case, if I get to step out, so does she. Which is where I have a hang up. I know its wrong. I know it isn't fair. I don't care. We're not talking about a court of law here, there aren't any rules to this. If I want to feel shitty about it, there isn't a thing in the world wrong with that. Anyone who tells me different can pound sand.

So the question is, and most likely will be for quite a while can I control my jealousy and get it to a point that it, at minimum doesn't make me physically ill. This is uncharted waters for me. I mean I've dealt with women doing other men, I've dealt with cheating, I've dealt with non exclusive relationships, but they all had one very important thing in common.

I did not love the person on the other end. Its very easy for me not to be jealous when I don't love the person on the other end. Because I do not give a fuck what they do or what happens to them. Woman I don't love goes out with a man and doesn't like him, so what? Put this in your mouth. Woman I do love goes out with a man and doesn't like him, I'm physically ill.

I watched my phone in case she needed me for something. Another woman I wouldn't have budged if she texted me she were being kidnapped. "Sorry doll, you've obviously got to pick your dates better."

So how does a guy like me, who's not what anyone would consider enlightened, pretty well a caveman, manage to blend my love for her with my desire for her to be happy at the expense of my peace of mind. Which, my mind hasn't been at peace for a minute since she brought this up.

She was even nice enough to explain to me how sexual a person she is, using the words, "your wife is pretty much a slut". So that was awesome. Felt really good to know that my wife is a cooze. By her own admission. That's another one I've had to digest. That the mother of my children is a cooze. I wonder how many guys would listen to that shit?

We've been together 8 years now, and the slut thing, according to her has been there forever. Which may be true, I don't know, nor do I care. Because she didn't bring it up in any substantive way until now, and I won't be gas lighted. She's been trying, telling me that I just wasn't paying attention. Which, while probably true, means she should've fucking talked louder. The questions that I have to answer are many:

Is my self respect going to be intact?
Will I be able to date myself without lying my ass off? Guys don't care if woman is married, women do care (or they pretend to)
Will I be able to even get near her again after the first time she does fuck someone else?
She's the mother of my children so there's always the fun child support and all that good stuff that comes with divorce, is that worth it?
Should I just say fuck it, you do what you want, just do 50% of the work at the house and pay 50% of the bills and I'll go sleep in the other room.
How much is my marriage worth after finding all this out?
How much is she worth knowing what she wants to do?
How much am I worth allowing it?
How much am I worth participating in it?
How much are my kids worth to me putting them in this kind of situation?
And on and on it goes....stay tuned as we answer these and I'm sure, many more questions.