I need to get out of my head, but where is the door?

You hear it a lot. Well, I hear it a lot. Mostly from my wife that I need to get out of my own head about this. Which I roughly translate as stop thinking about it so much. I really want to go and get nailed by a few of these really good looking guys I found on Tinder, or I found this Dom on Fetlife and I think he could really get into my head and get me to that sub-space I keep telling you about...and he's definitely going to put his dick into me in a lot of really uncomfortable ways. But that's okay, because I want him to and there's a safe word.

So....I don't really think that I need to get out of my head. Again I'll say it. I'm having a hard time figuring out that I'm the one who's wrong here. I admit I cheated. I admit it. I don't deny it. I've paid for it. If she wants to get back at me she really should've done it at the time. I know revenge is a dish best served cold, but damn.

Regardless, I don't like the fact that I'm the one who keeps getting told that I have to change, I have to adjust, I have to get out of my own head. How about you? How about the woman who wants to have sex with a lot of people in as short a time as possible? How about the self professed slut? How about the woman who for the entirety of our relationship up until 3 months ago was a God fearing Catholic who didn't want me to cheat at all ever. Now I'm being encouraged! I'm looking right now at the "Logic of Being Catholic" DVD she ordered a while back and has sat in the mail holder for a while now.

Why doesn't she have to give up any of her "needs"??
Why am I the one who's wrong and has to explain myself?
Why does how she feels outweigh how I feel?

Through all of this, I've never gotten the one thing from her that I wanted. I have never heard that if it's her sexual fetishes or our marriage, I choose our marriage. Unless I'm nuts, she still hasn't definitively answered that question. Which does not make me feel any better about any of this shit.